Dear provider, I’m not your hon, baby, or sweetie.

[Justmehere]

Thankyouverymuch. Ugh.

Anyone else get called these kinds of things by clinical staff or their office staff? It happens all the time for me, and these are not commonly used phrases in professional interactions where I live. Just not common at all. I know they mean no harm at all, but it is super weird, is it not? It is not worth it to ask they stop. I’ve seen nursing staff do it to a male family member after surgery, and that seems ok-ish... but in mental health care, it seems weird to be called “sweetie” or “baby” or “hon” when trying to schedule a psychiatry appointment.

Vent over.

 

[Skywatcher]

Pretty common in the south. Especially if the receptionist is female. They will treat females and males the same in this verbiage. This also occurs in schools, restaurants and church. I don’t talk to people this way, though. I think it’s weird.

 

[Gs172003]

I do it all the time. It's because of where I'm from. It's just the way it is. I don't think about it when I do it, it just is.

 

[Justmehere]

When I lived in the south, health care support staff would hug me all the time! Lol. Total strangers would just hug me when I would be doing things as simple as making appointments. Ah. Americans. We are a friendly bunch. I know I need to reframe it. Just hit a raw spot today.

 

[Gs172003]

When I lived in the south, health care support staff would hug me all the time! Lol. Total strangers would just hug me when I would be doing things as simple as making appointments. Ah. Americans. We are a friendly bunch. I know I need to reframe it. Just hit a raw spot today.

I'm sorry :(
How do you reframe...I have never been taught that.

 

[Justmehere]

This explains it better than I could: Reframing is Therapy's Most Effective Tool, Here's Why | Talkspace and How Cognitive Reframing Is Used in Mental Health

 

[ladee]

I use those words and as a rule, don't pay much attention to it. But if I feel that someone is uncomfortable with those words, I do try to curtail it.

But being from the South, it's how we talk. It's just the way we speak. But I can see how it would be uncomfortable for some.

 

[Sideways]

I know I need to reframe it.

For me this compares a bit to the shop assistant who asks me how my day is going. I get it, it’s just what they say.

But sometimes, I’m in a mood, and the next one that says it to me is going to cop an earful. “Hows my day? Let me tell you how my day is going...”. But for the most part? Meh, it’s a shop assistant being a shop assistant.

There are situations where I just can’t come at hon, darl, or sweetie. From a professional superior? It’s seriously unprofessional - you know my name, use it. And much older men (gender bias alert!) addressing much much younger women or girls - creepy. That’s just how my brain is wired.

Sometimes these idiomatic weird language things can be funny. When I lived in the NT, the typical hello was something akin to, “Sahz-i-garn” (translation: hello, or “So, how it is going?”). Cool. Funny. Totally okay.

I move to another part of the country and it’s darl and sweetie everywhere I go. Like nails on a chalkboard at first.

Then I worked with a lady who had ana absolute heart of gold, and lived on the premise that everyone was a beautiful person on the inside unless they proved otherwise, and even then, she could probably find something in them to love. And everyone to her? Was ‘darl’. Men, women, kids, bosses, strangers, friends. Didn’t matter.

She’s the one that helped make it okay for me. Because it really is nothing more than their typical way of addressing you in a friendly way. The fact that I didn’t initially hear it as friendly (more like patronising) was me not only reading waaaay too much into it, but also me taking issue with them simply having a slightly different way of being friendly, peculiar to their region.

And there’s enough things for me to be legitimately pissed off about in this world without adding genuine attempts at friendliness to the list.

Unless you catch me in a mood. In which case, no amount of friendliness is gonna help!

 

[Justmehere]

But being from the South, it's how we talk. It's just the way we speak. But I can see how it would be uncomfortable for some.

Yeah, when I was in the south, it didn't phase me. Because it's normal there. Here? I don't know anyone who uses those words except to a significant other or child. If a friend used it, wouldn't care. I would probably think it was sweet and unusual for these parts. But then when I am explaining the reason for an appointment to be depression and PTSD, and the sectary says, "ok baby, can you come in next week sweetie?" Like uh, ok... or even worse, this was actually said, "sweetie, we are not going to help you because you need more help and we don't have referrals. Baby, you can look on Google." Fine, but don't "sweetie" me when telling me difficult and less than professional news. I guess if I was otherwise impressed with the professionalism of treatment options here, I wouldn't care as much. Sigh.

 

[ladee]

I haven't heard professionals using these terms here. So I understand how that was inappropriate, even if she was from the South!

I never use the term 'baby'. I never called any of my husbands that either, tho they did act as such. :laugh:

Hon and sweetie. And only with people I know.

 

[Mach123]

It depends but mostly women can get away with it. "If you want to call me baby, just go ahead now."

But I don't think this is a joke. Talking is grooming. Calling me honey or baby or talking any kind of tone of intimacy with me and I notice.

Sometimes it's perfectly innocent and sometimes it's not. But you know any kind of attention from women is hard not to take as a compliment you know, for men.

So this is a tricky issue when you factor in gender and I want to say I'm for the more proper form of address but, I'm human.

 

[LuckiLee]

When I worked in the medical field I used to call people "hun" alot. For a couple of different reasons. 1. Half the time we can't remember names. 2. For privacy reasons. HIPPA.

Ask them to use your name. They shouldn't have a problem with it. They can make a note of it in your chart. We would put those different instructions in the front of your chart where it was the first thing we could see opening your file.

I can understand why it makes you uncomfortable.