Dear provider, I’m not your hon, baby, or sweetie.

[Ronin]

I understand the somehow entrenched sexism & invasion of personal space issues in it...

Though personally I would take being called dear by docs over being called idiot & cow responsible for killing someone else when brought in by the paramedics and still lucid nuff to respond, any day.

Because the former are not only doing their job, they are also trying to be nice to the person.

 

[susannahsays]

Hasn't happened to me recently. I wouldn't mind if it did, though - maybe because I live in the south. I wouldn't say it's typical but I wouldn't find it really abnormal or anything. That is, "hon" and "sweetie" would be ok. "Baby" seems a bit weird. And it's weird when someone really young says it and also when men say it. Doesn't bother me, just sort of weird.

Nobody in the office of the therapist and psychiatrist does that, though. The PA I see at student health does call me hon. I don't really see why it would be weirder for it to happen in mental health than anywhere else. Don't really see the sexism in it, either, except for how I personally perceive such words as comedic when used by men. I don't when men use them when referring to their significant others, but in the context we're talking about, it just feels off. I think maybe it doesn't come across as masculine and it's an issue of me being subconsciously prejudiced or something.

 

[Justmehere]

Ask them to use your name. They shouldn't have a problem with it. They can make a note of it in your chart.

This is a good idea, and I did try, but quickly gave up.
Apparently, “Please do not call me sweetie but ....?” gets the response,
“Don’t be rude.”
So I don’t bother, because it just goes to another level of demeaning and paternalistic and makes things worse. It’s just not worth the headache.

I’ve called people “sir” or “ma’m” showing respect when I didn’t remember their name or needed to not say it out loud on the job.

But it seems like when you are a patient or a client, being treated respectfully is not even on the radar of a few health care professionals. It’s like another aspect of the white lab coat phenomenon.

 

[Freida]

This drove my mom NUTS! She flat out called them out on it. Basically - I'm not your sweetie, my name is Anna -- type thing. it was really kind of funny :laugh:

 

[scout86]

I find it kind of annoying too. But I'm also not fond of being called ma'am (or sir).

I had an interesting conversation about this once with a friend from TX. He said his "daddy would wack him upside the head" if he failed to call a woman "ma'am". And, in my version of reality, it comes off as sort of a disingenuous, smarmy insult. I, personally, I tend to avoid both extremes but try to consider that the people who DO use them normally don't really mean anything by it. At least nothing bad. Usually, I grit my teeth and try to ignore it. If it's too over the top, I'll just ask them to stop in the calmest way I can manage. But the people who are really into these sayings are often so ingrained (like my Texan friend) that they don't seem to able to totally stop themselves.

 

[Gs172003]

I find it kind of annoying too. But I'm also not fond of being called ma'am (or sir).

I had an interesting conversation about this once with a friend from TX. He said his "daddy would wack him upside the head" if he failed to call a woman "ma'am". And, in my version of reality, it comes off as sort of a disingenuous, smarmy insult. I, personally, I tend to avoid both extremes but try to consider that the people who DO use them normally don't really mean anything by it. At least nothing bad. Usually, I grit my teeth and try to ignore it. If it's too over the top, I'll just ask them to stop in the calmest way I can manage. But the people who are really into these sayings are often so ingrained (like my Texan friend) that they don't seem to able to totally stop themselves.

In certain parts of the country it's considered manners. It's just the way your brought up ( or at least it used to be). People in other areas don't understand it.

 

[Tinyflame]

Out here, professionally it's a no-no. Although I know people who use such terms across the board, and I think, there are worse, and some cultures use really unflattering terms (not meaning so). Also out here sir and ma'am usually infer 'old age', so seniors will even say "Don't call me that, that's my father".

I will say this, as a person who tries to remain professional but is in tune and heart is in it, and sees everyone individually and with respect: when I'm going from person-to-person-to-person, and have other "person's " needs also on my mind, (and am exhausted, always), sometimes I draw a blank on a name (though I'm attune and remembering most or all of the person's other, even smallest details). And the person can't become aware of others' names, so best to not use any.

FWIW, when I AM guilty of using a term like sweetie, I really mean it, and often can't help it, it slips out. And through my eyes it's because I really see them as wonderful, sweet, strong, brave and amazing. And I respect them a lot. (If I know I'm likely to slip, I try to interject 'dear'(X)' in front, because it is true.

For myself, if it's not rote, I don't care what people want to call me, they usually screw up my name, anyway. Even then I say, 'hmmmm.. Angela.. Veronica... kind of getting used to them now, haha ' :laugh:. I've had cruel interactions, and gone through a lot of verbal abuse, so if someone seems genuine, and kind, I actually think it's a vote of confidence in me, or inclination of them to be kind/ on my side. Especially in a medical environment (which I wholly avoid, and am vulnerable and triggered and feel wholly unsafe) I would say invested in me, just as a 'human', even. Not an impersonal number or dollar figure.

JMHE though.

 

[Kubash16]

I’m totally guilty of this lol. My excuse is being born and raised in the heart of rural Texas. This is especially so when I’m in a customer service role, everyone becomes sweetie or babe for me. I’ve personally never liked hon, not for any particular reason though and baby sounds patronizing to me. Around here that’s what the girls are raised to say and the boys are raised on sir and ma’am. It feels really weird and wrong to me to be called ma’am by a female. And calling me by my name? Hate that. I feel like you don’t like/don’t respect/mad at me at that point.

*** edited to add**** this is especially prevalent in the daycares I worked at. Everyone knows you’re in trouble if your teacher is calling you by your name.


****edited again to add a couple thoughts****
I think one of the reasons to use these nicknames rather that actual names or even sir and ma’am is the rising number of gender fluid/trans individuals who would rather not be identified as a certain gender and/or sometimes you can’t tell. Especially if you are only spending a few seconds with them (checking them out at the register).

I did have one instance where a provider called me baby. And honestly, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. It was a really rough day, she was the nurse/secretary at the hospital ER and I was in tears and freaking out and she said “I know, baby” and that calmed me down. It showed she cared.

 

[Lucycat]

I'm in the North (Scotland) and hate this. When I speak to anybody I do not want or expect to be called hen, hon, chick, Hun or anything else. I have a name - you know it, use it, or else ask my permission to call me something else.

When I was a nurse I was very careful to ask clients and their families what they wanted me to call them. Some want formality, others don't. That is fine, but as the professional it was up to me to check.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Oh god! I could not imagine someone calling me that in therapy or the therapist's office! I would freak and would say "I am not your baby/hon/sweetie! Thank you!" Or, would want to. Not sure if I could.

I get called "Sweetie", "Baby", "Hon", "Honnie" and all those names from customers and internally freak out and do a cringe each and everytime, except I can't say anything to them. But, I cannot imagine professional medical staff saying that!

 

[Fiadh]

It frustrates me when I get callled sweetheart or honey or even worse darling by strangers, somehow the way it is said always seems patronising. But where I’m from in UK I used to being called ay’up me ‘duck’, ‘chuck’ and ‘pet’ and these don’t seem to piss anyone off. They’re used in most conversations, men to men, women to men, men to women. It’s just how it is!

 

[katz]

It depends but mostly women can get away with it. "If you want to call me baby, just go ahead now."

But I don't think this is a joke. Talking is grooming. Calling me honey or baby or talking any kind of tone of intimacy with me and I notice.

Sometimes it's perfectly innocent and sometimes it's not. But you know any kind of attention from women is hard not to take as a compliment you know, for men.

So this is a tricky issue when you factor in gender and I want to say I'm for the more proper form of address but, I'm human.

Thank you sooo much for saying this ! I have a very hard time with anyone calling me "honey" (and "baby" or "sweetie") . I have had family members calling me this for years - then they hurt me. (grooming to the most degree) . When I hear it now, as an adult, I feel myself get very angry and it takes everything in me not to just scream at them. I just try and remember that they don't usually realize that they just did it.

I just want people to call me by my name.