adriftatsea
Bronze Member
My mind is racing in circles. My husband and I have never been in a more stressful, messed up situation in either of our lives. To catch every one up, we sold our house and I quit my job 4 1/2 months ago for us to relocate out of our current state. Had several job interviews lined up and had income coming in for 2 1/2 months. So we were going to be okay till I got a job and got us back on our feet. We ended up coming back home because we now know he was suffering from benzo withdrawal and somatoform disorder with his stress level being internalized and coming out in physical symptoms, which we really didn't understand until recently.
So after coming to several realizations that we couldn't move where we initially wanted because it was just too far and too hard on him and us, we decided I would start looking for jobs about an 1hr 15 mins away. Desire to move to find better help for him, potentially better career options for me, and he's been avoiding to the point he pretty much stays at home all the time because of anxiety about running into certain people, etc. So we thought getting him away from major triggers would help and allow him to hopefully reduce that anxiety and be able to less stressfully just go to the grocery store, or what not.
I finally get offered a job (and oddly enough where we were initially going to move almost every job I applied for I got a call back and offered a job and once we decided to stay close, I could not catch a break); however, it was not the salary either of us were hoping for because of the cost of apartments in the area. So with the offer on the table, this has kind of taken us both aback as the apartments that we would feel comfortable living in are out of our price range and the others are a little dumpy. I'm worried because with him not working right now, it'll be where he spends the majority of his day and with his mind where it is now, it just really, really worries me about not finding a place he feels comfortable with within our time constraints if I take the job.
This evening, he brought up about us maybe just staying here. We have a little nest egg and have talked about building a tiny home that we could have paid off within 10 years. Something affordable so that if anything (god forbid) ever happened to me, he'd have a roof over his head and would only have to worry about utilities and his expenses, but wouldn't have the threat of not being able to afford a mortgage or rent.
The only problem with this is there really haven't been any jobs open here in my current field and I've talked about starting up my own consulting business, which would be our business with his marketing/business know-how and working outside my field for income while we get this started. I know life is just life and it's messy and what not, but it's so hard to tell how much of all of this is his PTSD/anxiety/brain not wanting to leave the familiar surroundings and screaming don't go just stay just stay. We've just never been this unstable before and we both know how very important it is for him to have security/safety, etc.
I know moving to a new location will be hard on him for a while, but he has the potential to have his stress reduced in the long run and have access to move healthcare providers, but at the same time I also see how delicate his mind is. I know staying here close to his triggers will be hard and potentially nothing changes or it's worse. We keep going back to hindsight is 20/20 and if we knew then what we knew now we would have never tried to leave.
Sorry this whole post has been rambling. Just feeling lost, worried, stressed. I know things can only go up from here (hopefully), but I'm so worried about making the wrong decision after all the other poor choices we've made. It's so hard to put my anxiety aside when I see his building up about this and I just worry about continuing to put more stress on him.
So after coming to several realizations that we couldn't move where we initially wanted because it was just too far and too hard on him and us, we decided I would start looking for jobs about an 1hr 15 mins away. Desire to move to find better help for him, potentially better career options for me, and he's been avoiding to the point he pretty much stays at home all the time because of anxiety about running into certain people, etc. So we thought getting him away from major triggers would help and allow him to hopefully reduce that anxiety and be able to less stressfully just go to the grocery store, or what not.
I finally get offered a job (and oddly enough where we were initially going to move almost every job I applied for I got a call back and offered a job and once we decided to stay close, I could not catch a break); however, it was not the salary either of us were hoping for because of the cost of apartments in the area. So with the offer on the table, this has kind of taken us both aback as the apartments that we would feel comfortable living in are out of our price range and the others are a little dumpy. I'm worried because with him not working right now, it'll be where he spends the majority of his day and with his mind where it is now, it just really, really worries me about not finding a place he feels comfortable with within our time constraints if I take the job.
This evening, he brought up about us maybe just staying here. We have a little nest egg and have talked about building a tiny home that we could have paid off within 10 years. Something affordable so that if anything (god forbid) ever happened to me, he'd have a roof over his head and would only have to worry about utilities and his expenses, but wouldn't have the threat of not being able to afford a mortgage or rent.
The only problem with this is there really haven't been any jobs open here in my current field and I've talked about starting up my own consulting business, which would be our business with his marketing/business know-how and working outside my field for income while we get this started. I know life is just life and it's messy and what not, but it's so hard to tell how much of all of this is his PTSD/anxiety/brain not wanting to leave the familiar surroundings and screaming don't go just stay just stay. We've just never been this unstable before and we both know how very important it is for him to have security/safety, etc.
I know moving to a new location will be hard on him for a while, but he has the potential to have his stress reduced in the long run and have access to move healthcare providers, but at the same time I also see how delicate his mind is. I know staying here close to his triggers will be hard and potentially nothing changes or it's worse. We keep going back to hindsight is 20/20 and if we knew then what we knew now we would have never tried to leave.
Sorry this whole post has been rambling. Just feeling lost, worried, stressed. I know things can only go up from here (hopefully), but I'm so worried about making the wrong decision after all the other poor choices we've made. It's so hard to put my anxiety aside when I see his building up about this and I just worry about continuing to put more stress on him.
