- Post starter
- #25
ms spock
VIP Member
Thank you Jaret,
I am interested in intergenerational change. I have been fortunate for certain people to share their awareness with me and I am genuinely interested to learn how other people think and feel about these issues. I want to know why it is that people make the decisions that they do.
The more awareness and insight we share with each other then perhaps we can build new non PTSD worlds for ourselves and perhaps some better situations for the next generations of children to come.
That your mother showed you no mercy is very upsetting. Imagine if she had said to you that Mummy has a problem, and that it is not your fault and that Mummy would be going to therapy in the next week to sort things out. If you had been relieved of the burden of her guilt it could have made a difference to you and your place in the world. She wouldn't have had to use you as a scapegoat and I imagine that would feel pretty awful, shaming and that the guilt would be uncomfortable. So all the ways she set herself and you up for failure of heart and compassion could have been minimised. So much less pain all around.
It wouldn't be perfect and there is no perfect place for children to grow up in. Parents are human and will make mistakes and get it wrong. We all get it wrong and make mistakes. Yet if parents are honest about what is going on in their lives, at an age appropriate level, then the children don't have to carry their parent's issues and that could ultimately be a good thing.
There is no shame in getting it wrong. We all get it wrong. If we can say well yes I got it wrong and sorry about that, I can't say it won't happen again but I can say that it is about me and not you. At least the child doesn't have to live with all that shame, pain and confusion.
Then each generation has a chance to step out from under the issues of the past and forge another life for themselves and the next generation that comes from them or is around them.
Many parents have little compassion for themselves and are too hard on themselves. It would be good to support parents growing and changing and doing their best. To say you don't have to be perfect. You can't live up to an unlivable ideal.
It could be good if we support people to set themselves and their children up for success by either not having children in the first place, if they are not able to provide for them. Or to delay pregnancy, and the onset of childrearing, until they had time to substantially resolve some of their own issues. That works both ways up and down two generations - less guilt for the parents and less effects of their parents issues on the children. It gives us all space to be in the world in perhaps a different and more present way.
I am interested in intergenerational change. I have been fortunate for certain people to share their awareness with me and I am genuinely interested to learn how other people think and feel about these issues. I want to know why it is that people make the decisions that they do.
The more awareness and insight we share with each other then perhaps we can build new non PTSD worlds for ourselves and perhaps some better situations for the next generations of children to come.
That your mother showed you no mercy is very upsetting. Imagine if she had said to you that Mummy has a problem, and that it is not your fault and that Mummy would be going to therapy in the next week to sort things out. If you had been relieved of the burden of her guilt it could have made a difference to you and your place in the world. She wouldn't have had to use you as a scapegoat and I imagine that would feel pretty awful, shaming and that the guilt would be uncomfortable. So all the ways she set herself and you up for failure of heart and compassion could have been minimised. So much less pain all around.
It wouldn't be perfect and there is no perfect place for children to grow up in. Parents are human and will make mistakes and get it wrong. We all get it wrong and make mistakes. Yet if parents are honest about what is going on in their lives, at an age appropriate level, then the children don't have to carry their parent's issues and that could ultimately be a good thing.
There is no shame in getting it wrong. We all get it wrong. If we can say well yes I got it wrong and sorry about that, I can't say it won't happen again but I can say that it is about me and not you. At least the child doesn't have to live with all that shame, pain and confusion.
Then each generation has a chance to step out from under the issues of the past and forge another life for themselves and the next generation that comes from them or is around them.
Many parents have little compassion for themselves and are too hard on themselves. It would be good to support parents growing and changing and doing their best. To say you don't have to be perfect. You can't live up to an unlivable ideal.
It could be good if we support people to set themselves and their children up for success by either not having children in the first place, if they are not able to provide for them. Or to delay pregnancy, and the onset of childrearing, until they had time to substantially resolve some of their own issues. That works both ways up and down two generations - less guilt for the parents and less effects of their parents issues on the children. It gives us all space to be in the world in perhaps a different and more present way.
