Desperately Seeking His Intimacy!

[Whereveryougo]

I guess I can begin by saying I met a great man 4 months ago with a huge problem PTSD. I should say we argued during our 1, 2 and 3 date (who the hell does that) which I found just insane but as insane as that was I could not stay away I loved him from the minute I met him!

He is an 11 year Veteran (E-7 Sgt) although he is only 31 yrs old he served 3 tours including Cuba, Iraq, Afganistan to come home last year (2010) to have his father die of cancer literally in his arms.

We have so much in common I have 2 sons in the army and my daughter just enlisted airforce and to top it off I was diagnosed with cancer 3 months before I met him.

Well here is the problem he has told me repeatedly we are just friends and he is not ready for a relationship. However, we have only been intimate (only about 5 times) but we spend every moment together. He gives me absolutely NO sign other than his remarks that we are "just friends".

He does not visit family and I was told by his Sister that I know him better than anyone in his family because he refuses to talk to anyone but me (we are working on that) He came to my house two weeks ago and has not left nor do I want him to and we seem to be doing really well we dont argue anymore because I have read every book I can get my hands on to understand him.

What I want to know that these books just are not telling me is about intimacy!!!!! Is it normal for Vets to come back be in a new relationship, live with someone, sleep with someone and there be virtually no sex? and when he says no relationship moves in and isolates himself from everyone but me what in the hell does that mean???

He tends to show me how he cares but never tells me and I am dying for more from him...

<Paragraph breaks inserted by Amethist>

 

[amethist]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

It is normal for anyone with PTSD not to want intimacy. This is something you are going to have to understand very quickly.

You met him 4 months ago, and he has now moved in, which can be usual for some PTSD sufferers, wanting it all in a very short time, unfortunately it also has draw backs.

Maybe if you read the following link, you will understand a bit more of what is going on with the lack of intimacy and the isolation.

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/[/DLMURL]

A word of caution though, do not push him for more, as he may well be very comfortable as he is, but not able to give anymore than he is doing just now.

Remember to take care of your self too, or you will not be able to keep going.

Amethist

 

[Whereveryougo]

Thank you for your comment and I am going to read the article as soon as I respond to you! I came home last night and he was gone told my son he would be back but didnt come back... He left his clothes and I am assuming he went to his sister's house I know that it is not another woman I conquered that fear thank God because at first when he would disappear I thought there was someone else just to find he would go to his sisters and sleep for days literally days:( So now I wait yet again.

 

[living4jesus]

Welcome to the forum Whereeveryougo:)

The link that amethist posted is a great one! When I read about the PTSD cup it helped me understand why my fiancee isolates me sometimes. It makes sense.

There is alot of good reading on this forum and alot of wonderful people that know how you feel. I have found this to be my safe place to vent and it helps alot to know you are not alone, and that there are others that are going thru the same thing.

 

[Whereveryougo]

Thanks Living4Jesus! I did read it and it helped alot! I already love it on here. It is very hard on weekends because he would not agree with me on this site! He is back now like nothing happened, however, I am noticing he does this about once every two weeks.