Detachment

[Wastinglight]

Thank you all for your kind, and very useful advice, I really appreciate it.

Cheers @Casey_03, that was a very insightful post. I am definitely very insecure, and not just because of this situation (from my own prior experiences, being betrayed and having my own anxiety disorder). @Cashew, thank you, good advice. I love him very much and I know he is a sweet, wonderful guy, and I still want to be with him, even when he's distant.

Sometimes it's like the 'real' him is buried under a huge pile of negativity and stress. However, I imagine I have been the same way at times in the past, when my anxiety has become severe. I have always been grateful for the people (not many) who have stuck by me during the those times, so I do kind-of understand a little of what he's going through. The problem is, I am trying my hardest to be there for him, and I just don't know if my presence is helping or making things worse for him. I am nowhere near ready to give up on him, though. I think he is worth sticking around for. I will try not to worry so much, and will strive to be more positive. Thank you again.

 

[Kintsugi]

@Casey_03 Just wondering if there's an update on this situation? I hope you're doing well.

Said with warm hugs/vibes/whatever helps you from the similarly detached trenches of my own life. :)

 

[I_Am_Titanium]

@Casey_03 Here is what I've discovered in my journey of working on healing from my PTSD. I hope this helps. I feel for you and what you are going through.

I have been married for over a decade. I went into this marriage having PTSD and not realizing it until recently. We have had major marital issues through the entire marriage partly due to my PTSD but also partly because of his narcissistic behavior. I've realized it really takes two to have a healthy relationship and this marriage was never healthy. We never had a good solid foundation to build on. He needs power and control. I need to feel free and safe to be myself and be true to who I am even if that goes against his need for power and control. So over the years, I've slowly detached myself from him emotionally because my needs were not getting met. I didn't even realize I had been doing it until recently.

Now that I'm finally healing from the trauma, I have realized that I don't like the person I am married to. It's like I'm finally seeing who he really is and I really don't like him. So by taking PTSD out of the equation, we are definitely not right for each other. He's not a horrible person and neither am I. We are just not compatible when it comes to our core beliefs and values. Having the PTSD kept me from seeing it early on in the relationship. So before I knew it, I felt trapped and committed to making the marriage work regardless of the trauma and pain it caused me. My needs were not getting met and neither were his. I am finally getting the strength and insight I have needed all these years to come to terms with that and to let him know I am calling it quits. It isn't easy but I need to do it in order to move on with my life and enjoy the life I've always wanted.

Long distance relationships seem to be very difficult. However, maybe subconsciously you realize you're not right for each other or at least not at this point of time in your life. I believe I subconsciously knew I wasn't right for my spouse for years, but I didn't have the strength to face it until now. I hope I haven't come across as preaching to you or that it's doomed to fail. I just wanted to give another perspective and encourage you to trust your gut instinct whatever that may be. I hope you find what you need.