Other Devastated By Recent Split With Possible Ptsd Vet

[aleajohn]

Hello everyone and thanks for reading my story.

I met C almost 5 years ago, and we were a couple almost right off the bat.

We had an almost fairy tale relationship. We never had bad arguments, in fact we hardly ever fought. We respected each other, had our independent space and together times. Loved each others friends and had lots of social activities. We traveled a lot, entertained a lot, laughed a lot, and loved a lot. I was so happy with him, and I believe he was very happy as well.

Then he was deployed for 11 months. He had been deployed once before, before we were together for 22 months. His relationship at the time didn't survive the deployment, partly because of the length, and partly because he had suspensions about her faithfulness. I was determined to be good to him, show him that I wouldn't be a "bad girl" to him, and keep things nice for him until he returned (we lived together in his home).

He returned in April this year, and everything was fine, or so I thought. We traveled quite a bit when he first returned, and then he returned to work in July. A week after the new year, he woke up one day and told me to leave.

I was floored, in shock, and didn't know what to think. I questioned him to no avail, and he just sat and sobbed his eyes out with me. About a week later, he finally told me he broke up with me because "I made him angry... all the time".

I have had no contact with him for about 10 days, and I am devastated. I think he is suffering from PTSD and depression, and I don't want this to be over for us.

I just don't know what to do, or if I can do anything... I just want him back, I want our life back, I want to help him and support him but he's not himself lately.

Can anyone offer some insight, a story, or just anything to help. I feel like scrambled eggs lately, and am just looking to make sense of the awful event.

 

[kabeh394]

I wish I good give you hope, unfortunately, my breakup did not have a happy ending. I can however empathize with everything you just mentioned. You aren't alone and it isn't your fault. He is probably in trouble and this is the beginning. If he chooses to get help, things might be ok but there is nothing you can do (or in my case say) that will make him want to help himself, he has to want it for himself! I will keep you both in my thoughts!

 

[aleajohn]

Thank you for your reply. I'm trying to be realistic about it, prepare for the worst and take the best. I put myself into therapy and have my 2nd appointment on Monday.

Trying to stay busy and not sit around and think about it all day long.

 

[celia]

Hello
Aleajohn you are doing the healthiest thing for yourself . I experienced the exact same thing. I know what you are feeling. It's heartwrenching. You be patient and have faith. Lots of support here. I will send prayers and positive thoughts your way and his way.

 

[discarded]

Hi aleajohn, this is so tough for you and heartbreaking. PTSD may be to blame here but only he can seek help for himself. It is great that you are getting help for yourself to deal with everything going on. I doubt you are the one making him angry, he is doing that to himself as he is probably finding it very difficult to settle back in after a long deployment. He is probably not yet willing to face the posibility that he has PTSD. He will get angry at you if you suggest it and push him to get help, speaking from experience that is. Give him some space, educate yourself about PTSD and look after yourself. That really is all you can do until such a time that he lets you back into his life. I have learnt the hard way that it takes 2 willing people to have a relationship.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[aleajohn]

He is probably not yet willing to face the posibility that he has PTSD. He will get angry at you if you suggest it and push him to get help, speaking from experience that is. Give him some space, educate yourself about PTSD and look after yourself.

Thank you for the insight. It is taking a lot to keep the no contact, but I am determined to do it for myself. No more heartache or anguish until he comes around or I move on with my life.

 

[Pinkcake]

Aleajohn-

I just wanted to add that he may never, ever be that person that he was before his latest deployment. Even if he recognizes and gets help for his own issues. I am also glad that you are getting help for yourself.

 

[ms spock]

Hello and Welcome to the Forum.