D
Deleted member 34501
Hi,
I am new to this, although I've known I had ptsd for a while, i never sought help until last year when I had a severe panic attack and my wife begged me to get help. I was formally diagnosed about 6 months ago.
My parents separated when I was 2 months old. My oldest sister lived with my father, as the court didn't decide for her, and my brother left as soon as he was legally allowed. For a long time it was me and my sister D. My mother said my father was a danger and his visitation was restricted.
She was the danger.
My mother was worried I was 'dirty' and when I was little she would 'clean' my privates harshly, to where I would cry. She accused me of having sex with any and everyone. She used to beat me and my sister every chance she got. She focused on places that couldn't be seen. I got in trouble for various things (like reading when i was supposed to be sleep). She told my my father molested my siblings (a lie) all through my childhood. She told me my niece was my sister. When the court did allow my dad to see me, when i could come home she would strip me naked and question any make on my body or on my clothes. eventually I didnt want to visit my father anymore.
My sister D moved out as soon as she was legally able. That was a horrible day. My mother tried to stop her and when I tried to speak up for her, my mother tried to kill my and my sister jumped in between. That day my father got her a place to live, and I was 11. I was not legally allowed to go and I didnt know that i could ask the court. My mother told me my sister was having sex with my father and that she was whore.
I was told my siblings were ungodly and not allowed to see them. My mother was very religious. And she had a church behind her. When I tried to say stuff about what was happening, they told me that i shouldn't say such thing about my mother and that what my siblings said didn't matter because they had left god. I was isolated from any of my non-church member family. It was a rule that anyone who left was to not be spoken to.
As I got older and stronger, my mother accused me of acting up. at 12 I missed a period and i was accused of being pregnant and was beat because i kept telling her i wasnt and she didnt believe me. I was choked whenever i talked back. When i got too big, she began telling me i was crazy and that she didnt do whatever it was that she was doing that day.
I was on prozac at 14. My mother said i was crazy and my doctor believed her.
By high school I liked women and i knew I'd be in trouble for it. My mother found my diary. Every female friend I had was suddenly a problem. I attempted suicide, but it didnt stick. That was when my siblings and father finally came back around to help get me away. I guess my best friend called them. She was the only other person who i trusted to tell about my mother.
Over the next few years I found the strength to leave. I lived with my sister D until i finished college.
I am getting help, but I have fearful attachment disorder, as well as ptsd and adhd. I have trouble maintaining a healthy relationship with anyone other than my wife.
I have never told my siblings about everything that happened, I dont even think my sister D knows everything. My father doesn't know anything. All he knows is that my mother was controlling. I haven't shared my diagnosis or why I have problems being around them. Only my wife and best friend know what occurred.
I am new to this, although I've known I had ptsd for a while, i never sought help until last year when I had a severe panic attack and my wife begged me to get help. I was formally diagnosed about 6 months ago.
My parents separated when I was 2 months old. My oldest sister lived with my father, as the court didn't decide for her, and my brother left as soon as he was legally allowed. For a long time it was me and my sister D. My mother said my father was a danger and his visitation was restricted.
She was the danger.
My mother was worried I was 'dirty' and when I was little she would 'clean' my privates harshly, to where I would cry. She accused me of having sex with any and everyone. She used to beat me and my sister every chance she got. She focused on places that couldn't be seen. I got in trouble for various things (like reading when i was supposed to be sleep). She told my my father molested my siblings (a lie) all through my childhood. She told me my niece was my sister. When the court did allow my dad to see me, when i could come home she would strip me naked and question any make on my body or on my clothes. eventually I didnt want to visit my father anymore.
My sister D moved out as soon as she was legally able. That was a horrible day. My mother tried to stop her and when I tried to speak up for her, my mother tried to kill my and my sister jumped in between. That day my father got her a place to live, and I was 11. I was not legally allowed to go and I didnt know that i could ask the court. My mother told me my sister was having sex with my father and that she was whore.
I was told my siblings were ungodly and not allowed to see them. My mother was very religious. And she had a church behind her. When I tried to say stuff about what was happening, they told me that i shouldn't say such thing about my mother and that what my siblings said didn't matter because they had left god. I was isolated from any of my non-church member family. It was a rule that anyone who left was to not be spoken to.
As I got older and stronger, my mother accused me of acting up. at 12 I missed a period and i was accused of being pregnant and was beat because i kept telling her i wasnt and she didnt believe me. I was choked whenever i talked back. When i got too big, she began telling me i was crazy and that she didnt do whatever it was that she was doing that day.
I was on prozac at 14. My mother said i was crazy and my doctor believed her.
By high school I liked women and i knew I'd be in trouble for it. My mother found my diary. Every female friend I had was suddenly a problem. I attempted suicide, but it didnt stick. That was when my siblings and father finally came back around to help get me away. I guess my best friend called them. She was the only other person who i trusted to tell about my mother.
Over the next few years I found the strength to leave. I lived with my sister D until i finished college.
I am getting help, but I have fearful attachment disorder, as well as ptsd and adhd. I have trouble maintaining a healthy relationship with anyone other than my wife.
I have never told my siblings about everything that happened, I dont even think my sister D knows everything. My father doesn't know anything. All he knows is that my mother was controlling. I haven't shared my diagnosis or why I have problems being around them. Only my wife and best friend know what occurred.
