Did I Lie?

[Idaho Pumpkin]

Here's the situation: first date gone too far. I told him to stop. I told him I wanted to just stop and talk. I told him let's wait. I told him can we just sit up and talk. His hands kept going deeper and deeper, further and further. He groped me, humped me, touched my from the breast to the butt. But, didn't I just let him? He made me touch his genitals. But I only fought with my voice, not my arms. He grabbed me and kissed me, and I was scared to fight because it was dark and we were alone outside. He continued to push himself against me. It's not that bad, but it was to me, and I'm afraid I'm making too big of a deal out of it. And, I'm ashamed of my role in bringing it on. I even lied to everyone I told about the scenario to make me seem less "at fault." I can't change that story now! Was it my fault? What do I do? Only my T knows, and what she knows is the exaggeration of his role, the minimization of mine. What do I do?

 

[Vulo]

No means no. It was not your fault.

Please be honest with your therapist. That's the only way she can really help you.

 

[Amet]

You're blaming yourself and you're minimising. That's very common. Part of recovery is working through those things.

If you think you're to blame, at least a bit, then it's understandable that you would change the story. Same if you think it's only you that would see it as that bad.

I agree with Vulo, be honest with your therapist. Maybe you could tell her what you wrote here. We're allowed to change the story in therapy. We're allowed to come clean and say, it wasn't like that but I said it was like that because....

This is what therapy's for. It's a safe place for us to be flawed, to make mistakes, to finally be honest even if we didn't start out that way.

I hope you feel able to tell your therapist. Getting into a situation like this feels awful. Getting out of it is a big relief, and a big step in healing.

 

[Ziruje]

PS I think you'll find that the minimisation is a bit different. You might think you've been minimising how much you're to blame. I suspect that you're minimising your rights in the situation and the fact that he should have listened - he was to blame.

But you can't unpick all this unless you go and tell your therapist what you've written here. Get really clear with them what happened and how you're feeling. The both of you can take it from there, if you do that.

 

[Pitis]

This was not your fault at all and you were victimised. This is a big deal. Please tell your t. There is nothing to be ashamed of.