Dom Violence Did you stay?

[Sighs]

“Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out?
Has he ever raised a fist as if he were going to hit you?
Has he ever thrown an object that hit you or nearly did?
Has he ever held you down or grabbed you to restrain you?
Has he ever shoved, poked, or grabbed you?
Has he ever threatened to hurt you?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then we can stop wondering whether he’ll ever be violent; he already has been.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

 

[LuckiLee]

He's bitten me and drawn blood, will grab me and push me into things (leaving light bruises on my arms f...

@dulcia. Read your description of what he has done.

Now you tell us if it's domestic violence.
What if I posted that. What would you tell me to do?

Be safe!!

 

[dulcia]

I'm thinking of telling him I want to take a break but it's making my stomach churn. And how do I justify it to him if we've still been spending time eachother since the last incident? Like all of a sudden a week later I want a break? It's okay for me to just do that?

 

[Kintsugi]

@dulcia Something that I've learned since healing from my abusive relationship is that I can assert agency over myself, and when I am asked why, I can say, "Because that's what I want." And that's all that's necessary.

I recently asked my boyfriend to stop doing something--probably rough housing--with my dog. He said, "Why?" And I said, "I have my reasons. But mostly because it's my dog, you're in my house, and I said so."

;)

 

[LuckiLee]

@dulcia. Hope you're okay today!!

Of course you can take a break. If he can bite you, choke you and shove you , you not only can, you should!!

While you're at it do what @shimmerz said. Contact a woman's outreach program. If he's not going to change, you have to.

Keep us posted and take care!

 

[dulcia]

So we're going to take a break, but he's still talking about future plans we had made previously. Going to wait to discuss it again when he leaves and goes back home in case it sets him off.

 

[unbrokenn]

Yes, I stayed for 4 years.
I don't know what made me leave, I think I just had enough and cut them off. It was the right choice though.

 

[Cannottakethis]

First dv relationship 2 years. Started getting physical after 5 months. I got a restraining order but went back but of course, it got much worse; physically and mentally. Finally broke free but have run into him and he'll start trying to contact me. Name and phone number changed.

2nd relationship was primarily mentally abusive, but he would use loud noises, break things and screaming to intimidate me. Met married and divorced in 2 years.

 

[Deleted member 541]

My one and only marriage was abusive. Mentally, physically and emotionally. I was out of control with undiagnosed PTSD crap and I was also behaving badly. Drinking, acting out. When I ended up with a STD, from my husband. I finally learned and I filed for divorce. We were married 7 yrs. Fast forward 2 decades and I was in my early 40’s. Met a guy that I fell head over heals for. When he threw something at me, I ended it that day! Our relationship only lasted four months.....

I’ve learned that the first time they show any sort of violence, is ONE TIME too many!!!!!

 

[Akhos]

I’ve learned that the first time they show any sort of violence, is ONE TIME too many!!!!!

Any man that abuses a woman isnt a man. Glad you got out

 

[dulcia]

We broke up over the weekend :)

 

[leslie82]

After things got violent, did you stay? How long did you stay? Are you still in the relationship now?[/Q...

First time my ex hit me I got a protection order and called the cops - but called a day later. So it turned into he said/she said. Two months later I dropped it because his family said he was getting help for drugs and blah blah. Got back with him and bam pregnant. Six months later He smacks the hell out of me because I don't want to take him to get meth (pregnant and I was driving). I took him. I stayed. I didn't tell anyone that time. Covered it up. I married him two months later actually. Seven months after the second time he beat and strangled me while our then four month old daughter lay in the other room on the couch. I got away and called the cops. He got arrested. Did I divorce him? I almost did but I was under the "addiction is a disease" bandwagon bull. Stayed. Seven months later I filed and had enough. He never laid a hand on me after that last time but the drug use was ridiculous. He was getting to the point he might do it again because of all the meth he was on.

I got back with him before the divorce was final because he was in rehab. That time (2 years ago) he seemed serious about sobriety. Working. Meetings. Staying away from loser friends. It was the best five months we had. Rarely fought. He was a normal person. But then he got arrested for something and relapsed again.

Honestly if he had never used meth I don't think he would have hit me or his first spouse. It's no excuse but any time he did he was coming off meth. When he's sober he's a normal person but at this point he is so used to not being an adult and not taking care of himself he won't do it. He hates rules. He manipulates now even sober. His family thinks he's "changed" yet again and I disowned them after getting into a fight with his mom, dad and other sister. They're idiots.

Last time I slept with him was in Feb - Mar after his third stint. He just fell back into his same routine and I kicked him out after I let him take his kids home and he stayed out all night with my car. Plus he used our daughter's medical condition to get the bail money back before jail (some of it) and then blew the rest of it after jail on a week binge and OD'd and was in the hospital two months ago. He just got out again and he's using pot and booze and got kicked out of the house he was in. He's hanging out with these idiots from rehab who smoke with him. Tell him "oh f everyone" and all this. (Girls who are younger but they have kids but are doing this stuff with him). He won't learn. It's tiring. I sure hope I don't repeat this ever again.

Any man that abuses a woman isnt a man. Glad you got out

ANYONE who abuses ANYONE is not a human being. No one should hit someone unless it's self defense.