Wow is all I can say!
First, I am so sorry for what has happened to you Ms Spock, it is unfair to get inadequate care. It is very unfortunate and I am sorry that it seems to have caused a bit of bitterness. Therapist with symptoms and complications should not be treating and I am in total agreement. That being said. Anthony developed this site. He has shared so much. He has clearly educated himself and stays in check. If he decided to become a practicing therapist, I have the confidence that he would be very competent.
I take a bit of issue with this. I would not want to go to a therapist that did not have adversity in their own life. How in the world would that kind of person relate to any of us. The best addiction therapists come from recovering addicts. Its just a fact. Personally, I dont want to share with a person that lacks the qualities that cannot be learned in a book, who are not in touch with themselves. What I have personally witnessed is some that get degrees in attempts to figure self and family out, and know some out there that I would not let treat my dogs. However, I for one am a therapist and while I meet all of the qualifications to be working if I chose, the first priority is "do no harm". I do have symptoms, and I have the insight to know that I should not be working at the time, it does not mean that my situation will not change, and actually, things can turn around on a dime at times.
I did not have ptsd when I entered the field. I also thought I had experienced depression briefly, I learned that I had never experienced a major depressive episode, as when I had my first major depression, it was much more than I had imagined. While I had seen a counselor in my earlier days, I had only ever been diagnosed with atypical depression, which is situational. This was a real lesson for me.
I was wired or geared to be predisposed to depression, ptsd, other disorders possibly. However, I may not have ever had full blown ptsd or depression if not for a specific incident or situation. My daughter who is a very smart attorney, not very compassionate, describes my situation as "the perfect storm". There is some truth to that. I would describe myself as a recovering co dependent for life prior to ptsd. Perfect for the field. However, seperation/divorce with teens and being a single parent, financial woe's, menopausal, empty nest, a traumatic brain injury from a slip and fall with other injuries all left me ripe for a significant incident to put me over the top. I knew that and was working and was still fine. I chose to take some time off to recover from physical problems. During that time, I was attacked by a police officer. I shut down.
Wednesday of this week, the officer that did this to me in Dec 2008 was arrested for domestic violence and brandishing a weapon. It is reported that he held a gun to his girl friends head with her children watching and crying not to hurt their mother. While he has gotten in some trouble, he has never admitted and been caught to this degree with the evidence against him. Of course he is suspended with pay and investigation going on. I am amazed at the comment in the news and facebook of how many people he has hurt so deeply. Yes, he held a gun to my face as well and insisted I was someone else, that he had arrested previously, as my 20 yr old daughter watched and was able to do nothing. While this news is makes me sad for this woman and her children, I admittedly feel a little guilt for feeling validated by his pattern showing. Others coming forth. I have been fighting city hall since this happened, and it scares my family away. Thats fine, I am the one that chose to work with victims of abuse, and there are clients that would line up to tell you how I have helped them. I specialized in this, have raving references, and a former boss lady said that people referred friends and family to request me yrs after I left my job.
I am a realist. I lost all hope. I will not recover from ptsd without hope. I have a gleam of hope for justice. I am in a lawsuit regarding this. A billion dollars would not help. A -found guilty verdict is worth much more. This cop being fired is worth every bit of my suffering if it stops him from doing it any longer.
You see, we do not all fit in a box, things are not black and white, we are not all the same or even equal. You are much better at somethings, than I, to every person reading. "We can not solve out problems with the same thinking that created them"….(I forget author). I am not sure I want to ever return to doing therapy. I might want to open a garden center. But if I do decide to return to my profession of counseling, it is me that will take my own inventory. I am in therapy with a qualified therapist that I would continue with thru that transition, and who would tell me if I were off target. On my worst day, I may be hopeless, on my best day, I believe I will be happy and whole again. In the meantime, I will ride my own wave, encourage those around me, and let others take their own inventories and I will take mine. I will ignore the negative energies and ney sayers that want us all to be as miserable as they are,,,,,and march forward and try everyday to keep my chin up. I know I am going thru a process, not awaiting an event, and strength has returned slowly.
Lionheart, I hope you remain encouraged and follow your heart. You will know if it is right for you as you go, but remember that you have something good to share wherever you turn. There are many paths in the field, and a place for many. Dr Drew TV host admits to mental illness, as do many rational healthy qualified professionals. God Bless!
