Disappointed With The Chat Room

[Friday]

I'm leery of the shoutbox in general...

There have been a couple times when someone is actively suicidal on it, which is understandable, but I'm not going to be a part of tha... And a few other times where people are actively fighting that I have wanted to step in, but since the mods aren't / are lettin people work out their own differences until XYZ point, sticking my oar in would be counterproductive.

... As well a few other times where it's just not my scene.

I'll pop in every once in awhile when it is my scene, but I figure there are people of all ages, from all over the world, with all sorts of different backgrounds. Sometimes it will be a conversation I'm interested in joining, sometimes not.

But especially as it can only be scrolled a few dozen posts back, at least on tablets, it's too easy to think the conversation is about one thing, when it's actually not. ((Thinking especially of the times when someone is suicidal.)) Nope. I've got enough deaths on my conscience not to add one more just because I can't read back far enough. So, generally, I pass. Even if it looks interesting.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

A part of the reason that it has changed is that a lot of the old people have left. It used to be that EVERYONE would chat with EVERYONE and as soon as a new person came into chat, they were welcomed by EVERYONE. Now, not so much. Newbies aren't as welcoming. That is, if there is a newbie in chat, they are not as likely to welcome someone who joins chat. At first I was paranoid and thought that everyone hated me, they must be talking about me behind my back or some crap like that. Then, I sat back and watched. The same happened to someone else, and she got pissed, rightfully so. I DM'ed her and told her not to worry, that it wasn't her, as I realized it wasn't me. She agreed that things have changed and that chat is different now. It just plain sucks when people aren't ALL ENCOMPASING in chat. Everyone used to chat with everyone. Now it is cliquish and it sucks. And once the animosity gets started, it just starts to run rampant and will continue day after day. I remember who won't talk, I remember who ignores people. And automatically I don't like them. It sucks that's how it is, but you only get one chance to make a first impression. And there have been multiple times when a new person will say "hi" in chat (a zero post person who joined 2 minutes prior) and everyone will ignore them. I try to jump in and say "hi" when I see this happening. If people aren't even welcoming to those who literally just joined, then of course chat is going to suck. Nobody likes a clique. Its just like high school. Ugh.

 

[Philippa]

I haven't seen that so much, solara, but then we may have been there at different times and witnessed different things.

I think when people don't straight away say hi it is usually indicating that they are in the middle of a conversation with someone else and have gotten caught up in that and what they are saying next and it's easy to miss a random "hi" in the middle of all that, from someone else.

Not sure how deliberate that all is, but I've definitely witnessed and been on the receiving end of some pretty unfriendly behaviour, regardless of someone having a right to their own boundaries...giving advice (especially when it wasn't asked for in the first place) that is just crap and insensitive isn't helpful. Best to not say anything

 

[Nighthawk]

I think that it is different chat used to be in an area all of its own. If you went there its cause you wanted to chat and ask questions, joke around. Chat is in full veiw of the forum. I know if I was new to the site I would be very hesitant to talk in chat. I am now even being here for a long time. Some of my fears are being judged or made fun of or things being taken out of context. I think being a moderator makes that judgment twice as harsh.

I have always liked being in chat and talking to others. Being able to help or just be there for a laugh. It helped me learn about so much one being able to find a voice.

I would say chat is like any thing else it only takes a few bad seeds to make it not taste so good.

 

[anthony]

When someone finds a perfect mental health site or mental health chat, please let me know... because I don't believe it exists. Especially if mental health based...

Everything said in this thread... none of it is new to me, having built and administered this site all these years. People come, people go, people come back, repeat and rinse. People complain, people argue, people have bad moods, good moods, depressed moods and all moods in-between.

Unfortunately... anyone who mentions staff above, couldn't be further off base. Staff is not responsible for member actions.

Anyone who blames another for their opinion, and a failure to accept an opinion as just that, has a problem with other views.

The #1 rule for this site is very clear: DO respect opinion diversity and member/s rights to equality, ethnicity & cultural beliefs.

This means, every single member here is unique and an individual. Some members will support others, whilst another may annoy them, upset them, trigger them, and the long list goes on and on. YOU have a CHOICE to what you read, THEN what you respond, AND what you ignore.

If someone is whining, complaining, triggering you, saying something you don't personally agree with, YOU MAKE A CHOICE to respond or ignore them and continue talking with those you find helpful.

telling me that AA in America is a failure

This is a good example of such nonsense being perpetuated or stated out of context here. I told you that AA actually had a lot of problems and sobriety was now statistically proven not to be the best, nor first, solution for alcoholism. That isn't negative, it is factual and statistically proven.

Back on topical point...

A person can't argue with themselves. A persons opinion is not always going to support your opinion. A persons values are not always going to align with your values. A persons beliefs are not always going to align with your beliefs.

If you cannot comprehend the above, if you cannot accept that the choice always stops with you in what you respond to within answers you get... then you shouldn't be on ANY social network on the Internet. Every single social network is the same... a community of individuals who all have diverse opinions, beliefs and experiences.

People need to start accepting these truths about being online. You are literally in denial if you believe any website online is a safe, supportive, nurturing community that will only agree with you and your belief system. You have to come to terms with the reality of being online.

I have a sticky thread about this in announcements, I think... about people not always being who they claim to be, about people thinking they're in a safe environment, about people honestly thinking they can talk about trauma and not get symptom spikes, and the list goes on.

Every choice you make, is your responsibility online. Read it all, discard what doesn't fit your values, use what does. DO NOT answer or argue with opinions you do not agree with. It is that simple. If you quote something you don't agree with and argue with someone, you knowingly entered into a debate about something. Accept that decision if you do it.

We have an ignore button, where you can ignore every member except staff. This will hide those persons content from you, across the entire site. USE IT.