Disclosing To Non-sufferers

[BlueOrange]

@BlueOrange , in what area would you like to do more and in what way?

My experiences with disclosure seem to be better than the experiences others are having. Disclosure has been really important for me - I've spent the last year being able to talk openly with everybody I know, and that's made healing a lot easier. I want that to be available to others.

When it comes to method for helping, I feel like the page is blank.

Am I better at disclosing? Well maybe some of it is skill. Working in jobs where I explain problems to people probably did help. Perhaps talking about 'how to disclose' might be useful.

Am I in a better environment than most? Probably. I live in the most livable city in the world. My friends are sensitive new-age types. My workplaces are white-collar intellectual places, and I'm extremely good at that work - people are accustomed to putting up with some bullshit when getting the kind of work that I'm able to do. Perhaps there's nothing I can do.

Perhaps public education campaigns have made a difference. Other people making disclosures makes it easier for me to disclose. Perhaps I could do things to pave the way for others.

It hurts, having something good (this life where I can talk pretty freely), and feeling unable to share it with people who deserve good things. My first desire with pain is to make it go away. My preferred method is to fix the underlying reason for the pain. This one seems too big for that approach to work.

 

[ladee]

But in the right envionment you can pave the way for others to get help. Finding resources for getting help, finding resources for people with limited funds to get help.
Along those lines. Places to volunteer. Or even going back to school to be a therapist. Possibilities are out there for you to help and to help make a difference.
Hope you can find avenues open to you that you may not have considered before.
Research..something will resonate with you.
We all know that many are suffering and do not know what's available. Just some things to think about.
Possibly public speaking?? I have no idea how to go about finding organizations who would be interested.
Or if you could start that on your own. You have the resources to check into that!
Good luck!

 

[Crow]

I rarely bring it up but if it's necessary to explain say why I can't ride a bike, I just say traumatic brain injury. It's true in a sense and people accept it with no other questions.

 

[BlueOrange]

@ladee those are some good suggestions. Many of them are things that I'm doing. When it comes specifically to disclosure, admitting my feelings has helped me clarify my thoughts. I'm not ready to disclose those yet, will see what happens next.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Very interesting thread. I think it's safe to say we all come from different backgrounds with different traumas and healing journeys.

What is considered "easy for me" might actually be traumatic to someone else. There is no one way or one rule about who to say what or how much to.

Me personally, I never disclose unless it's in a situation where I see someone else falling apart. Even then, I never use the words PTSD. "Dealing with an ongoing trauma, or even I see you're struggling, I have a Post Trauma issue as well." Something like that.

I don't think it's right to compare ourselves or our situations. As suggested @BlueOrange there are a lot of shelters or trauma type places where you might be the voice at the other end of the phone. We all know how crucial that is.

Donating any time to parents at a children's hospital or lead activities with kids dealing with trauma would be a great venue. You have a wonderful advantage in knowing or identifying what you're looking at.

Maybe some day over the rainbow, we'll all be able to say things as they are.

 

[ladee]

@BlueOrange , great. Means I was reading you clearly. Ya..see what life brings ya.
You'll know where to step next! Lots of energy sent your way.

 

[physicist13]

Although "neurological trauma condition" is accurate, I think it might make people think you have a traumatic brain injury (which is very different).
I'm not sure what context PTSD comes up in (I don't bring it up casually since I know people would get uncomfortable/ not know how to respond), but I guess your wording could vary based on the situation.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Interesting topic. Given the work I do, I sometimes disclose certain things about myself to (1) normalize talking about mental illness (2) decrease stigma (3) encourage trust and confidence. I work with adult law students with all sorts of disabilities, including psychological disabilities. I'm NOT a therapist, but there is therapeutic value in the relationships I develop with students. Sometimes, all I have to say is, "I really do know what that feels like. To me, I always describe [insert psych label here] as [insert my own analogy here.]"

Students look at me like, you? YOU suffer from depression/GAD/ADHD/PTSD? But you look so pulled together! Sometimes they even say that, lol, at which point I pull out my coping box and show them my grounding tools. Then we can start exploring where they are at and what kind of techniques they might be willing to try.

But disclosing to "normals?" Different kettle of fish. I am "out of the disability closet" re: ADHD as part of my work. I don't give a damn who knows about that since it is part of my work to reduce stigma. But the Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), GAD, and especially PTSD ...? Only to a select few, on a need-to-know basis.

I had a total breakdown one year ago in a public forum at work. Most people probably didn't notice, but about 5 people knew something was seriously wrong. They all saw me go to pieces. My former boss (now friend and colleague) ran into me and turned right around and walked me to my office. She and I had already done the "wink wink nudge nudge my crazy recognizes your crazy, say no more" thing for the past two years. She already knew I had depression and I knew she had anxiety. This just took it to another level. In my office when I fell apart I wound up gasping something like, "I survived my childhood" and she knew exactly what I meant.

One thing I have heard said to people when they start to get too personal is, "I'm sorry, but I'm not in the habit of sharing my personal medical information with [insert relationship here: work colleagues, perfect strangers, etc.]" I think that's very effective at stopping nosy questions.

 

[Panda Bear]

I recently started working in my church's office. Those people can smell extensive life experiences from a mile away.

A few of them know me(and have for 20+yrs) and know my story and that I have ptsd. My boss knows I have ptsd and how to handle it(his wife has ptsd from childhood trauma as well).

But everyone else? It's been tough, actually! As people are very open about there lives and struggles, I've been very afraid. Not only that, but I've been called about a few times, and asked more direct questions about my life, than ever!!

It's not my plan to keep it a secret, and as I get to know people, information is slowly being divulged. Something is very hard about sharing, but it's happening.

Not everyone will ever know the extent of how my life has been changed by my ptsd. And I don't try to explain the ptsd, I find people are better equipped to understand my life experiences or trauma. Not the effects of ptsd. That part is better shared on the company of other sufferers, and I have one of those in real life.

My ability to share is probably more than most....

 

[Laurie2001]

I'm a really open person but am pretty good at detecting whom I can open up to - people that will reciprocate. And I've definitely had friends who struggle. In general, I'm not that interested in close friends with whom we can't share this stuff.

That being said, when it comes to using the word Complex PTSD I often feel like an idiot when I use it and don't think people really get it - although it hasn't seemed to lesson anyone's interest in being friends with me. But, I have only told maybe 2 friends or maybe just one about realizing I dissociate. The main friend is a psychiatrist so she totally understands and there is no judgement. But I feel sad that now that I am aware of my dissociation I feel too ashamed and really worried that people won't understand. The shame is a hard part to cope with. Maybe that will change some day.

I will say, I have had one friend who always says how amazing it is for her that I am so open and that it makes her feel safe and like she can be real. When I'm upset and say I'm a mess she says she loves me and all my messiness and that she thinks I'm awesome. Its hard to take in, but I know she means it. She also says it makes her feel more and more OK about being vulnerable, and vulnerable with me. And she really has had one of the hardest childhoods, on top of an abusive husband and now being a single mom. She hasn't had people she could really share with.

 

[Rani G2]

Hello Sparkie 7751,

And if so it if not, how do you practice self-care around people's inaccurate assumptions?

I dont feel that I need “others“ validation. This originates from the fact that I always tried to be very independent and self sufficient and this ultimately leading to isolation. For me the validation or others is once again dependency, so my emotional cord clamping doesnt allow me to “want others understanding“.

I cannot expect other people to truly comprehend trauma and its impact on people's lives, many havent grappeled with the topic probably because it never entered their horizon, not always out of ignorance.

 

[Toriplays]

<laughing> I very much used to be one of those annoying people who would say I had a perky little cas...

Friday,
I thought it was interesting that Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk said childhood trauma was actually more difficult to cope with than combat PTSD. I was pretty surprised by his thoughts on this matter. but hesaid that veterans have adult brains, support and the good will of accomplishing their mission. Children do not have a choice, cannot escape and rarely have support.