Howard Beal
Bronze Member
For those with a significant other, or married. Did you tell your story. or did you let the past stay in the past? Should I tell my girl friend? should I just get married and keep my secret?
-
We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
-
Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.
Sexual Assault Disclosure Of Childhood Sexual Abuse.....or Not?
- Post starter Lucycat
- Start date
- Status
Howard, IMHO it is better to divulge your abuse issues before getting married. They have such an immense impact on your life, and your significant others' life. If your prospective wife can't deal with your abuse issues now, she won't be a helpful partner when you need her most.
Howard Beal
Bronze Member
Thank you for your reply Kay C,it makes alot of sense. Now I just have to face my fears of rejection. Oh this is gonna be so hard. I promised myself I would never tell a living soul about my abuse. Making excuses saying to myself that was along time ago.
How I have come to a delemma in life. I used to drink alot to block out the pain. Under doctors orders, because of meds I can only have 3 drinks a day have brought my past to the forefront.
How I have come to a delemma in life. I used to drink alot to block out the pain. Under doctors orders, because of meds I can only have 3 drinks a day have brought my past to the forefront.
It is better to get things out in the open, some people take awhile to ' digest' things and some people will just up and leave..isn't better to find that out before you invest all that time in marriage, only to have the person walk out because the can not cope with your situation?
This last week at sent my counselor an email that said I would accept his answer that he was a grownup and what I had to tell him would NOT cause his head to explode. I think he got a little laugh out of that, but I seriously had figured that people who had not been through this particular horror show would just not have a place to put the bad stuff and they wuold not be able to handle it. I don't want to be responsible for hurting someone else because of the icky, disgusting things in my life.
As to telling people in my immediate life, yes, I told my fiancee the broadstrokes prior to marriage 33 years ago. I think it was super important because there would have been no way to live life together and him not suffer along the way with me. And yes, he has suffered along with me.
Patricia
As to telling people in my immediate life, yes, I told my fiancee the broadstrokes prior to marriage 33 years ago. I think it was super important because there would have been no way to live life together and him not suffer along the way with me. And yes, he has suffered along with me.
Patricia
Ice_Fire
VIP Member
I have always kept it all to myself, until very recently. The death threats from my parents ensured that I didn't dare disclose. But after a year with my T, I finally gave her a brief overview of the main incidents I remember. I know now that mum and dad won't find out what I say to her, or to you guys on here. My boyfriend knows a bit, but only because I've been triggered when we've had sex. But his reaction was so warm and caring that I trust him enough to tell him when stuff's bothering me.
I hope that by being a member here, I can finally get it all 'out there' and maybe then tell people such as my T and people in the healthcare system in person, in more detail.
I hope that by being a member here, I can finally get it all 'out there' and maybe then tell people such as my T and people in the healthcare system in person, in more detail.
Yeah, that is my fear, fear of disclosure. I suffered neglect from aunt and uncle, sexual abuse happened along the way for four years from a person that was not related to me, parents were away for five years, and now I live with my parents. If the situation was different I wouldn't mind disclosing. But I do not want it to split my family apart. Therapist says I need to stop thinking about the outcome, if disclosing will grant me peace then I should do it.
therapybankrupt
Diamond Member
I never disclosed the sexual abuse to my X before, during or after the marriage. It was buried deep and until my husband raped me I had forgotten all about half of it. Thus the start of my PTSD not yet diagnosed. I never shared any of sexual abuse during my life with my Therapist's. I shot myself in the foot by not saying anything.
I wasted eight years with a misdiagnosis! Only when I came clean one day out of no where did I begin to really move forward on my recovery. Finally getting the correct diagnosis of PTSD. EMDR disclosed other sexual abuse issues that I had amnesia with. Looking forward to recovery. The past is not going to hurt me anymore!
I wasted eight years with a misdiagnosis! Only when I came clean one day out of no where did I begin to really move forward on my recovery. Finally getting the correct diagnosis of PTSD. EMDR disclosed other sexual abuse issues that I had amnesia with. Looking forward to recovery. The past is not going to hurt me anymore!
Very complex this issue of disclosure.. but I think it gets easier with time and practice.. I think I have developed a kind of sixth sense about people, whether and how much to disclose or not. And I go about it carefully noticing their reactions to what I tell them as to how much to reveal or not. And I don't insist that they 'get it' on the first try or even the tenth.. I simply let them absorb what they can and let the rest go. Different people have different levels of understanding and tolerance I have found.
As to partners and significant others in life, I think the more they can become aware of what we are going thu the better, at least if they are even half way interested and compassionate. Mine have been surprisingly understanding and gentle in their responses to me, even if some of their comments later on show that in some ways they simply have no idea what I am referring to.. But how could they if they have not experienced what we have, not walked in our shoes so to speak. This is a little disconcerting at times but I have learned to let it go and simply enjoy whatever level of help and compassion they can offer. And I feel very lucky for the most part, my efforts to share have reaped wonderful rewards. Certainly worth the effort and risk involved in try to disclose to the best of my ability. Hope this may have helped in some way.
As to partners and significant others in life, I think the more they can become aware of what we are going thu the better, at least if they are even half way interested and compassionate. Mine have been surprisingly understanding and gentle in their responses to me, even if some of their comments later on show that in some ways they simply have no idea what I am referring to.. But how could they if they have not experienced what we have, not walked in our shoes so to speak. This is a little disconcerting at times but I have learned to let it go and simply enjoy whatever level of help and compassion they can offer. And I feel very lucky for the most part, my efforts to share have reaped wonderful rewards. Certainly worth the effort and risk involved in try to disclose to the best of my ability. Hope this may have helped in some way.
ashdawn8287
Platinum Member
I am sorry about your dilemma. You should tell whoever YOU feel comfortable and safe with. I found that a lot of people don't know how to react and it is also better to be completely honest with yourself. Don't have high expectations that they are going to be there for you like you want them, seeing as people are there for you in different ways and that might not be your way of handling it, but if they listen or show an ounce of care that's all that matters.
Refrain from emotionally over pouring to whoever you decide all the time, as it can stress them out too, especially if they really care about you. I have also found that a lot of people have been sexually abused and they end up disclosing and opening up to you to, which can be very beneficial. YOU have nothing to feel embarrassed about and a lot of people suffer in silence, who knows maybe you can help someone by sharing your story. You will share when you are ready and sharing your story is apart of healing. You share your stories in different forms now maybe in the form of anger, social isolation, crying, art, writing, whatever it is you have already shared it symbolically. Isn't it time you got down to the issue, openly discussed it, and get it over with? =). At this point in my healing I tell whoever I want and if they don't like it, then oh well. I'm not graphic or detailed, but I do share and don't mind discussing it. Run your story and own it with a smile because you are completely worth finding peace and moving on because it was never you it was that awful experience. Hope this helps a little.
Refrain from emotionally over pouring to whoever you decide all the time, as it can stress them out too, especially if they really care about you. I have also found that a lot of people have been sexually abused and they end up disclosing and opening up to you to, which can be very beneficial. YOU have nothing to feel embarrassed about and a lot of people suffer in silence, who knows maybe you can help someone by sharing your story. You will share when you are ready and sharing your story is apart of healing. You share your stories in different forms now maybe in the form of anger, social isolation, crying, art, writing, whatever it is you have already shared it symbolically. Isn't it time you got down to the issue, openly discussed it, and get it over with? =). At this point in my healing I tell whoever I want and if they don't like it, then oh well. I'm not graphic or detailed, but I do share and don't mind discussing it. Run your story and own it with a smile because you are completely worth finding peace and moving on because it was never you it was that awful experience. Hope this helps a little.
- Status
Similar posts
Donation drives
Trending content
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
Comments: 34K -
-
-
-
