starvingGrad
New Here
Sorry might be a long read, but please bear with me.
I have CPTSD, I have an abusive family member who after I escaped to another country to pursue my grad degree continued to financially and verbally abuse me when I tried to cut contact. It reached the point that I had to keep contact open in order to access the money I'd saved up from working for the 8 years I was in their house. (I don't want to/cant afford getting legal action against them for the financial issues). My severe symptoms show up when I am contacted by this family member and its unpredictable. Basically to work in my field I need a masters, I can't spend any more of my life working a retail job.
Two years ago I started my chem masters, it wasn't even school or my research itself that was stressing me out when my symptoms became too inhibitive to ignore anymore. At the time I was too deep in the abuse and symptoms themselves to even realize what was going on, and it wasn't until a year later I was diagnosed with agorophobia.
My supervisor had known about my abusive childhood midway through the year, and was happy at that point to sign a form to allow me to continue my studies for the following year due to medical issues. I was on meds, going to counseling at the school and on track towards reengaging with my degree. But... as a therapy-virgin I didn't know the warning signs for a bad counselor, the kind that says "why don't you just" and victim shames you. I spiraled after the first semester, spent about a month in bed before I started researching a psychologist with a good background in complex trauma. I should have applied for medical leave, but I didn't and couldn't face talking to the school about the problem. So much shame over my own actions and that I was still being abused. I felt so broken especially after feeling broken my whole life for having ADD/ADHD.
My new psychologist has been amazing, he gave me an adjusted fee and I've been going weekly for the last 9 months when I'm not being actively financially suppressed by my family. All the pieces of my childhood started fitting better together and I have been able to see the context of my symptoms much better, that I'd been having them for a decade but never seeing what they added up to rather than individual conditions.
So a week or so out from my thesis deadline, I emailed my supervisor asking to set up a meeting. It took him two weeks to get back to me, multiple emails, and the submission deadline had passed. His response- that my project just hadn't panned out and he wouldn't support me continuing with the degree, good luck in my future career. So I responded that my request to set up a meeting was because I was still committed to getting my degree and wanted to show what work I'd done (roughly 55 pgs of scientific background on my topic) and show him my plan to get the actual physical lab work completed.
After a week he responded that he was happy I was doing better after treatment but I just hadn't "established" myself enough to support my proposal to continue in the degree program. (WTF vague ass-covering bullshit wording)
I've been pissed off all month, I'm finally meeting with a student advisor about the situation, I'd assume disability services is the next stop before I officially appeal to the department head. I need this degree, and I'm not about to throw away two years of investing myself into the degree and writing my thesis. I'm not incompetent or lazy, I'm just traumatized and occasionally its overwhelming and its unpredictable when things will be bad.
Anyway- I don't really know exactly how much or how little to disclose about the situation to the student advisor, I need to communicate the issue without making myself look bad, loose my dignity or be seen as crazy. I don't want my degree killed out of fake compassion "to support your mental health at this time".
I have CPTSD, I have an abusive family member who after I escaped to another country to pursue my grad degree continued to financially and verbally abuse me when I tried to cut contact. It reached the point that I had to keep contact open in order to access the money I'd saved up from working for the 8 years I was in their house. (I don't want to/cant afford getting legal action against them for the financial issues). My severe symptoms show up when I am contacted by this family member and its unpredictable. Basically to work in my field I need a masters, I can't spend any more of my life working a retail job.
Two years ago I started my chem masters, it wasn't even school or my research itself that was stressing me out when my symptoms became too inhibitive to ignore anymore. At the time I was too deep in the abuse and symptoms themselves to even realize what was going on, and it wasn't until a year later I was diagnosed with agorophobia.
My supervisor had known about my abusive childhood midway through the year, and was happy at that point to sign a form to allow me to continue my studies for the following year due to medical issues. I was on meds, going to counseling at the school and on track towards reengaging with my degree. But... as a therapy-virgin I didn't know the warning signs for a bad counselor, the kind that says "why don't you just" and victim shames you. I spiraled after the first semester, spent about a month in bed before I started researching a psychologist with a good background in complex trauma. I should have applied for medical leave, but I didn't and couldn't face talking to the school about the problem. So much shame over my own actions and that I was still being abused. I felt so broken especially after feeling broken my whole life for having ADD/ADHD.
My new psychologist has been amazing, he gave me an adjusted fee and I've been going weekly for the last 9 months when I'm not being actively financially suppressed by my family. All the pieces of my childhood started fitting better together and I have been able to see the context of my symptoms much better, that I'd been having them for a decade but never seeing what they added up to rather than individual conditions.
So a week or so out from my thesis deadline, I emailed my supervisor asking to set up a meeting. It took him two weeks to get back to me, multiple emails, and the submission deadline had passed. His response- that my project just hadn't panned out and he wouldn't support me continuing with the degree, good luck in my future career. So I responded that my request to set up a meeting was because I was still committed to getting my degree and wanted to show what work I'd done (roughly 55 pgs of scientific background on my topic) and show him my plan to get the actual physical lab work completed.
After a week he responded that he was happy I was doing better after treatment but I just hadn't "established" myself enough to support my proposal to continue in the degree program. (WTF vague ass-covering bullshit wording)
I've been pissed off all month, I'm finally meeting with a student advisor about the situation, I'd assume disability services is the next stop before I officially appeal to the department head. I need this degree, and I'm not about to throw away two years of investing myself into the degree and writing my thesis. I'm not incompetent or lazy, I'm just traumatized and occasionally its overwhelming and its unpredictable when things will be bad.
Anyway- I don't really know exactly how much or how little to disclose about the situation to the student advisor, I need to communicate the issue without making myself look bad, loose my dignity or be seen as crazy. I don't want my degree killed out of fake compassion "to support your mental health at this time".
