Sexual Assault Discussing Childhood Sexual Abuse With My Pastor

[digger]

I'm not suggesting you would, or should, lie. I'm saying that those going into volunteering with sinister motives are unlikely to declare it. And also that, for me, it's not about whether you should answer the question, but whether it should be being asked.

I am a parent, and I don't think this is fair way of treating people volunteering to work with children. I don't think asking volunteers if they have suffered CSA is acceptable. A fairer way of dealing with it would be to do background checks for all (which I assume happens anyway) and training for all volunteers in child protection and safety. Victims of abuse should not be being singled out as posing more of a risk than others in this way.

This has actually really upset me, and I need to leave this thread for now, but I really don't think it's on at all.

 

[Sideways]

@digger - I totally see where you're coming from. Personally, if it came up on a volunteer form I was completing, the form would quickly be folded into a paper airplane and sail it's way into the bin! None of their business.

But (big but) this is a church community. The relationship between members of the congregation is different. And, more relevantly, churches don't have a crash hot record when it comes to csa. The fact that the pastor is seen to be doing everything he can to keep the kids safe is important. And the members of the congregation will have a degree of trust in the pastor's personal judgment.

Add to that, the investigations into systemic csa in church institutions does, in fact, suggest that the problem is indeed that church elders do, in fact, know when this stuff is going on. It's the problem of churches turning a blind eye rather than blissful ignorance. This pastor is trying to demonstrate that he's not going to turn a blind eye, and he does take the safety of children very seriously.

So even though this process isn't my cup of tea, I can fully understand why it is thus.

 

[Changing4Best]

Thanks be to God that my pastor is a she, or I probably would have taken the application and tossed it too!

 

[ladee]

Glad to know they are checking. I feel like the pastor is not even wanting details. They want to know how you have dealt with it. Does it cause you to panic in stressful situations , ect. And someone that is willing to be forthcoming will garner a lot more trust as opposed to not being honest.
I hope you get this position , it will be a very good thing for you. And you are willing to go the distance for the opportunity... that is a great thing. Let us know how it went.

 

[Changing4Best]

Yes, I will let all of you know how it went once it is over with. I was planning to do that for sure!

 

[Justmehere]

I have applied for and done a number of jobs working with children. Schools, churches, summer camps, nannying positions, residential treatment centers. The only two places I have been asked if I have a trauma history, and it was not specific to sexual assault but it when it was for a volunteer for a crisis line and one for a trauma treatment center. Both cases didn't care what I had been through specifically, they simply wanted to make sure I'm ok enough now to handle possible triggers of my own trauma. It wasn't about protecting the kids as much as it was protecting themsleves and me.

I have never had a church ask about it in order to volunteer with kids for a general kind of event like vacation bible school. Churches are under fire for lapses in some churches in keeping kids safe though.

I think if the church asked in the context of keeping kids safe and asked about other things like any on-going drug abuse and all kinds of possible life issues, that might make sense. It's invasive but as far as I know they are allowed to ask. If they only ask about that one issue, then that's a bit of a yellow flag for me, a sign to proceed cautiously. It's a little strange to single that out on a volunteer application, if they did single that one issue out.

Either way, I would be focused on what you have done about it and how you would be a good and safe volunteer for the kids. You never have to say more than you are ok with, no matter what.

 

[Changing4Best]

They are also asking about any arrests, and also asking about the details of same. They are requiring a background check as well, so no, they are not singling out this one issue, it is just one of the many issues they want to know about.

They also asked me why I want to work with children and things like that.

 

[KeepingTime]

I'm still sitting with my jaw dropped at the fact that it is even a question. I won't rehash it because it looks like every angle is covered in previous comments.

I don't agree with it BUT @SheilaKathy if you are ok with it that is all that matters. But I do agree with what someone said about it really should be limited to how it would effect your work with the kids and not a dredging of your past.
Ok glass half full...
This also could be an opening into having a relationship with your pastor for you to see her for spiritual therapy/support regarding the CSA if she does that and you would want that.
And it's awesome that you are volunteering!!! I pray this goes well for you..and proverbs is good for the soul. :)

 

[Changing4Best]

PS. I only have one arrest. It was for begging for money when I was homeless. I was told that would not disqualify me.

 

[scout86]

I've had a background check down because I was a volunteer for 4H. No questions like this, ever. I suspect my response would start with "None of your business " and go downhill from there.

 

[Changing4Best]

Well, I guess I am being brave then, because I am willing to go through with this.

 

[ladee]

There ya go @SheilaKathy !!! We all have to stand for something. Those kids will be blessed to have you involved in their life !!!