Dissociating and eyesight

[Punky143]

I dissociate all day, everyday. I have all the symptoms that go with it. More recently though, I hear things- muffled version of people talking, birds chirping at night, the noise from the highway as cars zip by and a lawnmower also at night. I also have fuzzy eyesight and I struggle to read things. I have sensations of bugs on me or tiny hair slivers on my clothes and I itch all day. It's a vicious cycle because the more symptoms escalate the more anxiety rises and obsessively worry. Anyone else out there with this?

 

[whiteraven]

Are you saying that the things you hear are not actually there? Sorry, I'm trying to understand exactly what this is here. In a dissociated state,

muffled version of people talking, birds chirping at night, the noise from the highway as cars zip by and a lawnmower also at night. I also have fuzzy eyesight and I struggle to read things.

this might be a version of "normal." Maybe you can say a little more?

Also, not sure about this:

I have sensations of bugs on me or tiny hair slivers on my clothes and I itch all day.

It actually could be different things. Related to the dissociation, or not. Have you ever experienced it before?

 

[Punky143]

The tiny slivers of hair feeling I've had before. Its having the sensations of feeling everything on my clothes such as dog hair and it drives me crazy. I end up taking the clothes off and inspecting every inch so I can justify my behavior. I've tried benadryl and it doesn't really help. I've had this symptom before and it eventually it goes away.
The noises I hear, aren't actually there. Generally people do not mow their lawns at night in the dark or snowblow in the summer.
I know the above had happened before but it seems to be worse this time around. Because of that, it makes everything else worse.

 

[whiteraven]

The tiny slivers of hair feeling I've had before. Its having the sensations of feeling everything on m...

I have a lot of different types of auditory and visual hallucinations that are actually not related to the dissociation. Have you ever read Oliver Sacks' book Hallucinations? Awesome book. I have frequent noises on awakening - loud, explosive noises; voices calling my name; music - that are directly associated with sleep, although my neurologist also thinks some could be seizures. I also have visual hallucinations (kaleidoscopic) associated with migraine that are absolutely crazymaking and can last for up to an hour. I have occasional episodes where I hear the exact same strain of Russian choral music (usually in the middle of the night) - that's also considered a parasomnia, or part of a sleep disorder.

All of this is just to say that sometimes sensations and such might be related to something other than the dissociation. But whatever they are caused by (and in my experience, it doesn't much matter what causes them, only that you're experiencing them), I know how much more distressing they can make what you're already dealing with.

One thing: if you are having any of these around sleep, making sure you get enough may cut down on how often you experience them. I tend to have more issues when I am fatigued or highly stressed.

 

[Kintsugi]

I have auditory hallucinations and occasionally visual ones. When I hallucinate during more intense dissociation--like right before blackout-style dissociation--it's usually weird color blotches or colorful wisps floating around through the air.

The tactile hallucination thing is not something I've experienced.

Have you seen an optometrist lately?

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

In talking with others who have ptsd I have found that auditory hallucinations happen with us, but they all seem to be different that what you would get with something like schizophrenia where voices tell to do something and interact, with PTSD the common thread appears to be the the sound or voices are undestinguestable, and almost silent like a whisper.

I forgot to mention I had these auditory hallucinations too, but they were always during high stress periods with flashbacks, intrusive memories, etc.

 

[Kintsugi]

I've had a lot of auditory hallucinations that were clear as a bell re: voices. So... I disagree. I've had an enormous range of both auditory and visual hallucinations. It's usually a sign that I'm under way too much stress and generally dissociative.

 

[Ronin]

& have you seen a neurologist?

I have extremely vivid visual & tactile / kinetic hallucinations as a part of seizure aura. So wondering if it can't be also another issue than eyesight, altogether.

 

[Deleted member 42984]

I was told by me T that I have a somewhat psychotic defense. That hurt! Cuz I'm worried that I'm actually going insane. Recently I have lots of weird perceptions, like how I percieve reality is muddled and clouded by images in my head. I talked to a guy yesterday, and tho I was perfectly able of keeping up conversation, at some point, when he said something I didn't agree with (and that is key here, I think), it was like part of his face and his glasses sort of separated from his face and was about to move into my world, so to speak.

I also have images like strings of colours, usually pastel ones, pink and light green, which show up whenever I'm about to invite people into me, so to speak. Like sharing vulnerable information or having people visit me in my home.

I fear for my sanity, even tho my T promised that it'll go away over time. I got to talk about abuse-related stuff today, something I was sure I wouldn't be able to, but I do. Afterwards I reacted hostile, and wanted her to stay the f*ck away from me -- which always happens whenever I talk to women.

I wrote this poem when I got home. I got a little emotional when I thought of what I long for the most -- intimacy:

there's nothing i want more in life than you to hold hands with me / there's nothing more that my soul yearns for, screams it up at the full moon when no one is listening / there's nothing i would like more / than holding hands with you / but i also kno / that my monster will react fiercely when if should ever get it / get away from me, get away from me, you c*nt / i kno who you are / you are the destroyer of life / and i will combat you / to get what every fiber in my body yearns for / just a gentle touch, to finally finally / connect with you / feel your touch

 

[Crow]

Have all of that and more. T says it's a form of flashbacks. For me it's a measurement for how far gone I am because I usually don't notice when I dissociate. The skills I learned in DBT have really helped decrease the intensity.