SuicideSurvivor1994
New Here
I'm having a difficult time with something right now. I know I have PTSD as I've been diagnosed, but I think my wife does too. Some of her traumas are similar to mine as we experiences them together. But, the way it manifests in both of us is very, very different.
She denies that she has PTSD, but she admits and has been diagnosed with dissociation as a way of handling her stress. Mine manifests itself very different as I become hyper vigilant about things.... perhaps dissociating with other things around me, but, mine seems to be more manic or anxiety driven.
So the problem we're having is this.... a large part of our stress has to do with this lemon house we bought and all the repairs we've had to incur. She's convinced that anything I see that is wrong with the house is my mania acting up. Meanwhile, she's dissociating and not dealing with some very real problems that we are having with the house that will get worse if we don't deal with them.
She says she doesn't want to talk about the house. That's fine. So, I don't talk about the house. But then I move ahead with things and, sometimes, that incurs a large expense. (The last one was $2800). I can't not check with her on that kind of expense. We need to make sure that we move things around so that money is there.
So, I tell her about it. She gets really upset and recently she even threatened to leave me because of my mania about it. She did recognize that we needed to do this repair, but she also said I should have told her about it ahead of time so she could have helped in the decision making. But, if I tell her about it she tells me she's going to leave me because of my anxiety.... I actually think it is more her anxiety than mine at this point.
I don't want to blame her. She's a wonderful person who is also going through a difficult time. I also don't want to upset her by saying, "Maybe this is on your side and not mine." I'd rather just take the blame and move on, but it's difficult, because I'm struggling myself. I also realize that I am prone to high anxiety and I'm actively trying to make sure that it is not just my anxiety getting the best of me when I make these decisions.... but it's an active process that requires me to ask others for advice and help. Obviously, I can't ask her.
Has anybody else dealt with this kind of thing? I don't really know what to do. Yesterday we had a therapy session where she threatened to leave me and it was like a club hit me on the head for the rest of the day. Heh, then I woke up today and our pipes had frozen (again) and that was the first thing I had to tell her about...... she cried and cried and I just hugged her and told her it was going to be OK.
But, this is hard for me too and I don't know what to do....
She denies that she has PTSD, but she admits and has been diagnosed with dissociation as a way of handling her stress. Mine manifests itself very different as I become hyper vigilant about things.... perhaps dissociating with other things around me, but, mine seems to be more manic or anxiety driven.
So the problem we're having is this.... a large part of our stress has to do with this lemon house we bought and all the repairs we've had to incur. She's convinced that anything I see that is wrong with the house is my mania acting up. Meanwhile, she's dissociating and not dealing with some very real problems that we are having with the house that will get worse if we don't deal with them.
She says she doesn't want to talk about the house. That's fine. So, I don't talk about the house. But then I move ahead with things and, sometimes, that incurs a large expense. (The last one was $2800). I can't not check with her on that kind of expense. We need to make sure that we move things around so that money is there.
So, I tell her about it. She gets really upset and recently she even threatened to leave me because of my mania about it. She did recognize that we needed to do this repair, but she also said I should have told her about it ahead of time so she could have helped in the decision making. But, if I tell her about it she tells me she's going to leave me because of my anxiety.... I actually think it is more her anxiety than mine at this point.
I don't want to blame her. She's a wonderful person who is also going through a difficult time. I also don't want to upset her by saying, "Maybe this is on your side and not mine." I'd rather just take the blame and move on, but it's difficult, because I'm struggling myself. I also realize that I am prone to high anxiety and I'm actively trying to make sure that it is not just my anxiety getting the best of me when I make these decisions.... but it's an active process that requires me to ask others for advice and help. Obviously, I can't ask her.
Has anybody else dealt with this kind of thing? I don't really know what to do. Yesterday we had a therapy session where she threatened to leave me and it was like a club hit me on the head for the rest of the day. Heh, then I woke up today and our pipes had frozen (again) and that was the first thing I had to tell her about...... she cried and cried and I just hugged her and told her it was going to be OK.
But, this is hard for me too and I don't know what to do....
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