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Dissociation Gone To A New Extreme

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Completely understand that, but I really don't think you'll be ruining her weekend. This is what she's there for, and it's not like you're contacting her over a broken nail.

I don't know enough about dissociation (even though I have it myself sometimes, to a much less degree), but based on this:

Do I email this guy back and apologize and explain so it doesn't happen again?

it sounds as though you're concerned about what could happen between now and the time you see your therapist?

I don't know what the right answer is about emailing the guy. Guess it would depend on how you left things off with him when you "came to." I don't think it could hurt to tell him to ignore any future contact from you, that you're just going through a lot (without getting into details), and are not actually interested in any kind of romantic relationship with him even if you email him and say that you are.
 
If you have an arrangement with your psychologist you would be best off emailing her immediately so you don't forget or dissociate about telling her about your experience. I doubt it would ruin her weekend. Or you could write it in a letter and immediately post it to her so the information is sure to get through. Or you could leave a message on her office message bank.

I wish you the best @mytai. I have no idea how to manage such a situation.
 
Another vote for it not ruining her weekend. This is her job & what she's passionate about. It's also not up to you to define or second guess her boundaries. If she doesn't want to be interrupted by clients? Then she won't check her email / phone until she's ready to be. Let her deal with her side of the street. You, meanwhile, take care of yours.
 
@mytai I think that what I need to learn (and am struggling to learn) is that fine line between too much trauma talk that spurs these dissociative and dangerous behaviors and not enough trauma talk that keeps me stuck and not moving forward and processing the past.

I do agree with writing it down or calling as soon as you can - I always chicken out on telling these things because I'm afraid that I sound even crazier than I already am …. but I think that disclosure is what can help us figure out how to avoid it in the future. Then we can at least hatch a safety plan with our therapists on how to deal with this sort of thing if it arises …

I wish I had answers.
 
And one MORE vote for "email ASAP".

This is the kind of thing your T needs to know sooner rather than later.

Feeling ashamed isn't something you deserve. This is part of your particular version of PTSD, it's not something you have a choice about.
 
@theshadowoftheliving that line is something I'm learning about right now with T. It's not always the same, a lot of it has to do with learning to listen to what your body is telling you. You would be surprised about how much your body will tell you in regards to that if you learn how to listen. I'm lucky that I have a T who has a lot of training and experience with that, so her cues and knowledge help me learn for myself what is too much, or when I need to push myself.

@scout86 just ONE more vote? I will email her tonight then, don't know if I will provide details about what happened, just more along the lines of dissociating and coming to in an extreme situation that I haven't found myself in before. The reason I'm hesitant to provide all the details or name the event is because I'm trying to learn NOT to rely on that as a way to communicate a difficult message to T, I'm in the process of learning to try and speak it instead. I feel shame because I know that I don't have DID so I can't blame it on an "alter", I dissociated, but it was still me. That's where the shame comes into play, knowing that some part of me made that choice even though I wasn't aware of it, didn't necessarily agree to it. I don't think I would feel as much shame if it were a rape situation, but it wasn't rape, so even more shame is thrown on top of it. I so wish I had better control over the dissociation, I wish I had a choice about it.
 
I wish I had a choice about it.
Me too! But you don't, so that makes it a lot like DID.

I think working on communicating directly with your T is great. And it sounds like you're doing better with that. This particular situation is strange enough that I think you should let her know ASAP no matter WHAT you were doing when you "woke up". It's the part of this where you found out you'd been emailing with him and didn't remember it and all that that bothers me the most. He might be a perfectly nice guy and someone you'd like, even when you were aware of what you were doing. It's that so much could happen without mytai knowing about it that is weird enough to be worth mentioning right away. I'd put that in the same category as if you were being treated for something by a medical dr & suddenly spiked a fever. They'd want to know that right away.
 
@scout86 I just want to clarify what you're saying because I'm not 100% sure. Are you saying I should provide T with the details of what happened in the email I'm going to write, or just make sure to notify her that something happened and I will tell her more about it when I see her?

By details I'm referring to specifically mentioning that I "woke up" in the middle of having sex with an unknown guy, and then discovering later that I had been emailing him prior to the "event".
 
By details I'm referring to specifically mentioning that I "woke up" in the middle of having sex with an unknown guy, and then discovering later that I had been emailing him prior to the "event".
I think you could say what you gave there are details and it would be fine. Less than that is going to sound evasive and it will be hard to explain the situation. You haven't given a LOT of details with the statement I quoted, kind of just an outline of the facts of the situation.

The reason I think you should say that much is that I think it's important that your T know you had been emailing with this guy and don't remember doing it.

You've probably already emailed your T by now, but, to me, it seems like it's important that there's A LOT you don't remember here.

take good care of yourself!
 
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