Dissociation In Therapy

[Shellbell]

At my last therapy session, my T talked about how she has noticed I dissociate and get a glazed look come over my face and I'm clearly far away. She talked about phrases she will use and grounding techniques.

I didnt realise I did it that often. Kinda felt a bit embarrassed and tried for the rest of the session to concentrate really hard! My husband said he notices I do it fairly often too and that it has become more often in the last few months :(

I knew about the times when I feel like I'm not there, but still in control of what I'm doing. But just starting to realise how dissociation comes in different forms and experiences. It can range from mild detachment to whats going on around me, to severe detachment from reality.

Hard to get my head around...

 

[Dissociated1]

I used to pride myself on my self control and memory. The blank stares, my female alter's "bleed though," mannerisms & thoughts I am not aware of, being told about without actually being aware of how I live a part of my life. The time lapses are frightening. The memory lapses frustrating. And I feel so diminished.

 

[VDWngr1355]

I've just been fully realizing how often I do it as well. Not just in therapy, but in almost all aspects of life.

 

[kers]

When I first learned about dissociation in therapy, I was shocked by how often I did it. I also felt overwhelmed by the prospect of trying to change something that happened, literally, dozens of time every day. It was mind-boggling.

I think I dissociate less, now that I am aware of it and know how to choose to bring myself out of it. I've also had to accept that I'm going to continue to dissociate--that was hard.

 

[VDWngr1355]

@Kers-- how do you bring yourself out of it?

I am having a very hard time with it. I try a lot of the grounding techniques and nothing really works. The only thing I have found to work somewhat is coffee. The taste and I guess the warmth helps.

It is frustrating to deal with.

 

[Dissociated1]

A friend of mine jumps into the shower, fully dressed if necessary, alternating between warm and cold water. I am able to pull myself together when my female alter dissociates into a ball of tears by focusing on my breathing, but a half hour or so later the dissociation comes on again with a vengeance. These emotional dissociations have been decreasing with therapy. My therapist has suggested I stop fighting what is happening and accept it as part of the healing process.

 

[Shellbell]

It is hard knowing you do something that you are not aware of. I have to learn to accept all of this - the PTSD, and everything about it - the various forms of dissociation, the hypervigilance, the lack of coping, the nightmares, the flashbacks, the depression, the anxiety - all of it. And mostly It's hard to comprehend it some days. I feel lost today - lost into it all.

 

[Smushroom]

Apparently I chronically dissociate. I know when it happens, but not usually until after. I just freeze, float away. I don't know how to bring myself back. I'm still learning. It is so horrible not to be in control of your body. Its scary.

 

[Shellbell]

It is horrible knowing my body is doing something I can't control. I am such a control freak normally, so it scares me too.

 

[kers]

@kers-- how do you bring yourself out of it?

Grounding strategies. When I dissociate, I feel kind of like a balloon that's floating away, and grounding pulls me back to earth. There are lots of different strategies (Google them!) but what works for me is tuning into my senses, each in turn. I usually don't have much for smell/taste but I check in with them anyway. I tell myself (in my head if I'm in public, aloud if I'm alone) I see ______; I hear _____; I feel _______; I see ______; I smell _______; I hear _______. On and on until I'm not so floaty.

Initially my therapist had to do these with me but now I can initiate it myself.

 

[Shellbell]

Thank you Kers for sharing your grounding technique. Sounds like that can be used anywhere, which is good :tup:

 

[Raisin]

I dissociate through most of my therapy sessions. Lately he has asked me to rate how "present" I am at various times. 10 being fully here and now and 0 being as fully dissociated as possible-- though if I were that far gone I am sure I wouldn't hear him ask the question! I have been in therapy for nearly 10 years & still am too frightened to remain present and discuss my feelings and memories. It seems as though I never will.

Sometimes I return after dissociating to find that I feel as if I am a small & frightened child. I don't know if this is an emotional flashback or just the child part of me which is unleashed, allowing me to experience childlike fear & vulnerability. Whichever it is, I am terrified of it but also feel liberated by it in some way. Allowing the little girl to be seen and heard is something I know I need to do, though I hate her for her vulnerability too and can feel very self destructive in my need to squash her and extinguish her.