Dissociation Or Low Concentration

[amy]

a close relative told me of a full conversation I had with her, but i have no recollection of the event. I constantly forget things, lose things etc, and only this week I was on holiday and walked past some sun loungers to find my things on them ..... which puzzled me as I had set up other chairs for sunbathing on and couldnt recall setting up these other ones that i came across. Today I found myself in the supermarket lottery queue with a trolley FULL of packed shopping , I felt very dazed and had to ask the shop girl what day it was .... when she said saturday I simply laughed and said i needed a lucky dip ticket for tonight (trying to look like I knew why I was there in the first place!!) It has been alot worse during and after the holiday and I can only link it to having to see my mother (she lives abroad and had visited our hotel without letting me know she was going to) she was telling me about the latest witch things she had bought and told me i had to visit her home and see it all. My T says i disociate, but my gp says i simply have low concentration due to stress. I feel like im crazy, and so afraid something will happen whilst im with my daughter and i wont even recall it happening. On the plus side to all this ..... i did discover 2 bottles of wine in the trolley of shopping today!!!!!

 

[Srain]

Hi Amy,
I just saw this post. I'm sure this was all quite frightening, but I can assure you that you are NOT going crazy and your tdoc is correct that these tend to be episodes of Dissociations. These are things I struggles with and have experienced much throughout my life. However, I can surely understand your fear regarding your child, that would be something you might want to make arrangement for prior to going out as I'm sure you have.

It seems you have nailed the culprit to the increase of these episodes, "the mother effect" is what I call it ;). Reading that part even I felt that wave of emotional separation. It's good that you are in therapy with a person who seems to know what they are talking about. We are glad you are here. You are certainly not alone.

Peace and healing,
Rain

 

[amy]

Thankyou for the reply Rain.

my T sessions are finishing tomorrow, I wish I had never begun the journey into my past, as now everything is so much more raw and real. Now I am left alone with more memories. I wish he didnt have to end the sessions (time is up!), it took me so long to find just one person who i could trust. I guess i need to just smile through it all and go back to pretending i am fine. I can not understand why my GP doesnt ever acknowledge my ptsd, when it was they who diagnozed it!! Surely they should be aware of the effects it has on us. Even the mental health support team discharged me, as they said i seem to be doing to so well. Jeez if only they looked a little closer. Hey ho.
I wish you well and hope you have a lovely day.

 

[Gamereign555]

You should see if your therapist will approve more sessions? You don't have to stop therapy now, you could try to find another trauma therapist also if you wanted to. You might have to pay, or pay more for this one though. It could be that whatever team is associated with your therapist if flooded with work in your area, they are trying to make room for those who are in more serious need. I am not saying that what you are experiencing isn't serious, but when comparing it to somebody who is suicidal and suffering from panic, or maybe psychotic symptoms, it makes sense.

I was limited to 12 sessions from the start, but since then my therapist was able to approve 12 more sessions. I may have just gotten lucky though, I live in a less populated area.

 

[amy]

My T tried to get me extended sessions but the NHS are clamping down hard on them and it was declined. I can however, ask to be re-referred to him, but I have to wait 6 months till i request it, and then go on a lengthy waiting list. I am not sure I will re-refer though, as feel other people should have a chance at therapy with this man who is very good. I do suffer from anxiety and suicidal ideation, I am a single parent, no-one knows I struggle, except of course this T and gp. However I have spent the past 2 and half years pretending things are loads better than the reality as my ex partner took our child during his access whilst I was in hospital from a breakdown. He said that if he hears I am seeking mental health help he will take her again. I can not risk that. I can not really afford to pay for private therapy either. I have coping techniques for the anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation and all the other symptoms that ptsd brings ...... but the forgetting things and the way I am doing things without even being aware im doing it, is so much more of a problem that I am afraid. I have no idea how to cope with that. I have set my phone alarm to ring at school pick up times and put notes saying I need to collect my child, but its still scares me. My daughter was shopping with me the other day ..... how is it possible for her not to have known her mother had no idea she was actually shopping? how bad is that!

 

[Queen Boudica]

. I am not sure I will re-refer though, as feel other people should have a chance at therapy with this man who is very good. I do suffer from anxiety and suicidal ideation, I am a single parent, no-one knows I struggle, except of course this T and gp.

You do deserve the therapy Amy. You need to think of yourself and your child, not worry about others on the waiting list. Think of your child, That is what I am thinking about, my children. Your child loves and wants you healthy. Please put yourself on the waiting list and do everything you can. You and your child are worth it.

 

[Srain]

Amy,

Living with Suicidal Ideation is a very difficult thing to do and is not small feat. I really really get it when you talk about not being able to let people know as your ex will hold it against due to the kids. I allowed this to get in the way in my life for years and it still chases me with paranoia. Grrrrrr.

Lizio is so right that you DO deserve help, just as much as the next person. Losing time is a serious issue, just because you are appearing to be well doesn't mean all is well. I think that at this time it might be difficult spot you are in but maybe checking out just exactly how much you have told the tdoc in reality and be honest about what is happening would be a good place to start. If you see that is important so will others. It's difficult for us to stand up for ourselves but if we don't who will? The waiting list is a good place to start and a word to both the GP and tdoc about why it's important you get in right away, you do have children depending on you.

There are also books that you can check out, I'd be careful to make sure you get referrals from other people as some of these are books meant to used along with a therapist. There are some very good ones though. Is NHS different than the Mental Health Resource Centers? I went there while waiting to get on Disability. I was able to see a therapist, though not a psychologist. It was helpful just to be somewhere.

sending peace and strength,
Rain