Empathy,
Was there a time in the past when you suddenly felt courage and took action in a way that surprised you? Did it have a good outcome? If so, I want you to go back to that moment when you felt surprised and maybe proud of what you could do. Go back to that second, and relive it over and over again, until that feeling starts to stick to you a little and rub off. This technique is used to make positive changes in any area when you feel stuck. I forget what the actual name of this technique is, but it's easy, simple and can work if you have a good memory to use.
Please can I share a story about this. I was getting bullied/harrassed at work, and I didn't even want to acknowledge it. The man doing it was considerably older and beneath my level (I was a manager, he was a maintenance worker) but he had been there a lot longer than me. After three years of random verbal attacks, I finally had enough to where I couldn't go to work one day. I was shaking and didn't really know what to do. I ended up reaching out to a kind lady in HR who I thought I could trust to help. It was all I could do to leave her a voicemail but my voice was trembling so badly I hardly could do that. It got the ball rolling; she called me back later on and we set an appointment to go over the report. I was afraid of going in to the report, but I made myself do it, and later, since this guy was also harrassing his female supervisor, and since he still was pointing me out to other men he worked with and leering at me, and I called that in every time he did, he was let go. I felt good about it, especially as I wasn't the only one, and it wasn't just me who reported it or got him let go. He found another job nearby (I've seen him outside doing work) so I know he is not homeless and plotting revenge. People have a way of maintaining their current lifestyle one way or another.
After I reported it, even before he got let go, I felt like a huge weight was taken off my back, and I felt younger and lighter and much more happy than before. Un/fortunately, this re-traumatized me, and I soon had flashbacks of my CSA, which I am now dealing with in therapy and am doing okay. My T says I am healing and actually doing pretty well.
You know what, for the life of me, I can't figure out what took me so long on both accounts. Somehow when really bad stuff happens to us, we just freeze, like you said, and can't talk about it to anyone. For some reason, we avoid it that way. But it just gets worse when we do. I know it feels worse than ripping out stiches or off a big band aid but you have to do something constructive with it, and have to tell the right person. It starts small, and it gets bigger, and you have to ride it out in faith that it will all work out. Find a buddy to sit there with you and just say "It will work out alright in the end, you'll see;" "Things have a way of working out, " and just keep reminding you of that. When you have been hurt, you really must hear those words to remember that there is good that can happen after bad, there is comfort and there is healing and there is life outside of the dark tunnel you are in, but you have to take the steps to get out.
I feel that stuck feeling and I know how bad it feels. Don't let it have you, XOXOX Muse
Was there a time in the past when you suddenly felt courage and took action in a way that surprised you? Did it have a good outcome? If so, I want you to go back to that moment when you felt surprised and maybe proud of what you could do. Go back to that second, and relive it over and over again, until that feeling starts to stick to you a little and rub off. This technique is used to make positive changes in any area when you feel stuck. I forget what the actual name of this technique is, but it's easy, simple and can work if you have a good memory to use.
Please can I share a story about this. I was getting bullied/harrassed at work, and I didn't even want to acknowledge it. The man doing it was considerably older and beneath my level (I was a manager, he was a maintenance worker) but he had been there a lot longer than me. After three years of random verbal attacks, I finally had enough to where I couldn't go to work one day. I was shaking and didn't really know what to do. I ended up reaching out to a kind lady in HR who I thought I could trust to help. It was all I could do to leave her a voicemail but my voice was trembling so badly I hardly could do that. It got the ball rolling; she called me back later on and we set an appointment to go over the report. I was afraid of going in to the report, but I made myself do it, and later, since this guy was also harrassing his female supervisor, and since he still was pointing me out to other men he worked with and leering at me, and I called that in every time he did, he was let go. I felt good about it, especially as I wasn't the only one, and it wasn't just me who reported it or got him let go. He found another job nearby (I've seen him outside doing work) so I know he is not homeless and plotting revenge. People have a way of maintaining their current lifestyle one way or another.
After I reported it, even before he got let go, I felt like a huge weight was taken off my back, and I felt younger and lighter and much more happy than before. Un/fortunately, this re-traumatized me, and I soon had flashbacks of my CSA, which I am now dealing with in therapy and am doing okay. My T says I am healing and actually doing pretty well.
You know what, for the life of me, I can't figure out what took me so long on both accounts. Somehow when really bad stuff happens to us, we just freeze, like you said, and can't talk about it to anyone. For some reason, we avoid it that way. But it just gets worse when we do. I know it feels worse than ripping out stiches or off a big band aid but you have to do something constructive with it, and have to tell the right person. It starts small, and it gets bigger, and you have to ride it out in faith that it will all work out. Find a buddy to sit there with you and just say "It will work out alright in the end, you'll see;" "Things have a way of working out, " and just keep reminding you of that. When you have been hurt, you really must hear those words to remember that there is good that can happen after bad, there is comfort and there is healing and there is life outside of the dark tunnel you are in, but you have to take the steps to get out.
I feel that stuck feeling and I know how bad it feels. Don't let it have you, XOXOX Muse
