Hi,
I was abused by my father during parts of my childhood, between 5-8 and 12-16.
I guess I should thank "god" for those fine years in-between... But I do not believe in him, so I don't.
One thing who's been entering my mind after reading so many threads/story's is the difference in the approach of abuse. When I'm finding myself to be different I always start to questioning my story, bad bad habit. The thing that's nagging my mind at the moment is that my abuser(s) never orally raped me. Only vaginally, and inappropriate touching/rubbing, stuff like that. Actually, I have always thought that I had come off lightly because of it. I could more easily shut down and try to ignore what's happening... Ye it wasn't nice anyhow, but to be truly honest, oral bothers me even more.
When I was 6-8 I was abused by one other man too. I remember him doing the same stuff, nothing else. How likely is that?
Is it anyone here who feel that oral rape where more awful than vaginally? Maybe I repressed it... I remember how ashamed I was by things connected to "open my mouth" when I was little (even now), like icecream in a wafflecone (or ice lolly :( ). I demanded do have it in a damn bowl, or else I couldn't eat. I was so ashamed of anyone seeing me when I was doing it. I behaved like this in many ways. I was ashamed to blow out the candles when it was my birthday because I would be forced to open my mouth that way, eat hot dogs... the list goes on. But I do not remember any abuse of that kind... Okay, I've had some body memories of it, nothing more I think. Feels strange, like my story is wrong. I know its true and not at all wrong, unfortunately, it just weird, fastidious.
Is it someone else who have the "same" history like mine?
Sorry, weird first post.
I was abused by my father during parts of my childhood, between 5-8 and 12-16.
I guess I should thank "god" for those fine years in-between... But I do not believe in him, so I don't.
One thing who's been entering my mind after reading so many threads/story's is the difference in the approach of abuse. When I'm finding myself to be different I always start to questioning my story, bad bad habit. The thing that's nagging my mind at the moment is that my abuser(s) never orally raped me. Only vaginally, and inappropriate touching/rubbing, stuff like that. Actually, I have always thought that I had come off lightly because of it. I could more easily shut down and try to ignore what's happening... Ye it wasn't nice anyhow, but to be truly honest, oral bothers me even more.
When I was 6-8 I was abused by one other man too. I remember him doing the same stuff, nothing else. How likely is that?
Is it anyone here who feel that oral rape where more awful than vaginally? Maybe I repressed it... I remember how ashamed I was by things connected to "open my mouth" when I was little (even now), like icecream in a wafflecone (or ice lolly :( ). I demanded do have it in a damn bowl, or else I couldn't eat. I was so ashamed of anyone seeing me when I was doing it. I behaved like this in many ways. I was ashamed to blow out the candles when it was my birthday because I would be forced to open my mouth that way, eat hot dogs... the list goes on. But I do not remember any abuse of that kind... Okay, I've had some body memories of it, nothing more I think. Feels strange, like my story is wrong. I know its true and not at all wrong, unfortunately, it just weird, fastidious.
Is it someone else who have the "same" history like mine?
Sorry, weird first post.
