General Do Family and Friends Understand?

[Tinyflame]

Hello Nicolette- good question!

-I am not very good at expressing myself, but I guess I must say I feel a little bit of both. I think I understand (hopefully) what Frankie means in regards to a more peaceful environment in the country, and this is true.

However, also, the "moments in time" when triggers and intrusive thoughts, fear can be managed and overcome, and being able to stay in the present moment brings such a beautiful feeling of peace, I cannot believe it.

I have not had the opportunity to "move" myself to a more peaceful environment, so I guess I just accept it because there isn't an alternative.

But I know if Frankie's exbf could feel that peace for a minute it would be a tremendously healing (and encouraging) experience, whether in the city or the country. I hope that he has felt that and will be able to in the future.

Unfortunately, I know for myself, however, when symptoms are getting the best of me, it wouldn't really matter- city or country, because so much is internal, and it would come with me no matter where I lived, albeit it might cut down on (some) triggers.-Short of "holing" myself up in the house with no contact, I think I would still feel a terrible need to "run away" (for lack of a better term), even in the country, but that's just me -I could be wrong because as I've said, I've never really experienced that option.

I wish everyone the best though.

 

[Ichiriki]

xxarmywifexx,

My wife has stayed with me through thick and thin (22 years now). It has not been easy for her, especially when I was suffering alot. I retired from the military 9 years ago, after 23 years of service. This condition brought on a tremendous overload of stress in our lives and the reactions were painful, often misunderstood and then became frightening. Our fears, worries, and anxieties are intense and consume an enormous amount of energy.

As I was getting better, I've been completely recovered now since 1988, I found that my wife had become used to the new habits and patterns I was learning and adjusted with me. It brought us closer and closer. There are ups and downs of everything in life. This is no different. The important thing is that progress is being made.

Your support and reassurance is absolutely necessary. I commend you for it. I am hopeful for you and your family and that you can help your husband unlearn the unhealthy and nonproductive patterns and habits this condition brings on and replace them wtih more productive ones.

 

[Frankie]

Hi Nicolette and Junebug,

When I said moving to a peaceful environment, I did indeed mean moving to the country because of the easy, calm way of life. There will always be stress in life, but it would be somewhat less and different then living in the city.

When I met my exbf, he was living in the country for about 6 years already (he did not always live in the country) and he said that helped him a lot in healing and in calming in.

His house was in the middle of the forest, with a stream running through his property. He saw deer and so many other animals. He drove his quad very often and he loved it. And yes, it did also bring him peace.

He moved back in the city to be closer to me, (about 4 months ago) and he had found a job not too far where I live. We lived together only for 2 weeks and then he left, that was 2 months ago.

Our plan was to live in the city for another year and then buy a house in the country. He also said, we wouldn't move more then 2 hour away, because he didn't want me to be far from my sons.

He said that we would go in the city often, but the fact that he knew we would be going back home (the country) made everything worthwhile for him.

I always knew he preferred the country. In the city he hated the noise, the traffic (even though he handled it pretty good), he hated the fact I was in an appartment, he missed nature, the lakes..etc...but he always said he was here because he couldn't stay away from me.

He also use to say that with me he felt at peace. And yes it is true, peace comes from within ! And for a short period of time he had it with me.

But I also believe that you have to be truly happy to find inner peace. If you are not happy where you are, if you are not happy with who you are, you will never find peace.

I would have been perfectly happy in the country with him. Sure, I would have made compromises, but those were compromises I was willing to make.

I truly believe that he is now back in the country, and I hope he has found the happiness and peace he was looking for.

 

[Tinyflame]

Frankie, I am sorry I misunderstood.

As I said I 've never had the opportunity to live in the country, but I do go to a park for exactly the same feelings of peacefulness/reduced stress that you describe.

I wish it were a "cure" in and of itself, but sometimes it only calms me down so much. However, even at those times I guess there is stuff I have to learn - not the least of which is letting go of denial, and choosing whether or not to be responsible for my own survival/ "symptom management".

I am sorry that you have gone through so much.
:Hug_emoticon:

 

[xxarmywifexx]

Ichiriki,

Thanks so much...I often look at the future and I see some light. These kind words that you share with me bring me more hope. :Hug_emoticon:

-xxarmywifexx

 

[jeapea]

My family abandoned me because of it. They said I was crazy, but left my 12 year old son with me and had no contact with him, either. Neither of us has handled anything very well as a consequence. The mental health dept made things much worse. Unqualified, judgemental, idiots and fools. Small town...
I hate pity. I want understanding and compassion for my son and the mess our lives became as a result of what we survived. Life with a sociopath... and still, no one really knows what he put us through. And they don't want to know. If they don't know, they don't have to do anything about it. Or accept it. Or deal with it.
Makes a person feel pretty special... "?"

 

[Nicolette]

As I was getting better, I've been completely recovered now since 1988, I found that my wife had become used to the new habits and patterns I was learning and adjusted with me. It brought us closer and closer. There are ups and downs of everything in life. This is no different. The important thing is that progress is being made.

That is so fantastic to read coming from a sufferer Ichiriki...thank you for the inspiration for those who are struggling. :thumbs-up Fortunately I have not had to wear the uncontrolled PTSD and, from the little I have seen, I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. The fact that you got through it together is really great.

 

[nightmare]

To Frankie

They don't understand I am in a support group at a vet center and even there when we discuss how our spouses are, the facilitaor, says why do you stay? Everywhere I go I get that question. Sometimes I just feel like not even discussing how my husband is because no one understands. But than I go crazy because I have to tell someone.
Thanks Nightmare

 

[Frankie]

Hi Junebug,

It's ok, you maybe misunderstood what I was saying but what you say about going to the park to get those same feelings is real good ! It surely won't "cure" the disorder but but it will give you few moments of peace that we all deserve and need :smile:

Everyone of us has lots to learn ! Give it time Junebug, with lots of help on your part you will also reach a point in your life where you will feel happier.

 

[Frankie]

Hi Ichiriki,

Yes, It is so heartwarming to hear about a successful relationship. You have both made the efforts and the adjustments necessary to make it successful.

And I have to stress the importance of "both" because it truly needs both people to work at making a relationship a successful and rewarding one.

 

[Frankie]

Hi jps,

I am sorry for the pain you had and are still going through.

We all think that family and friends would help or at least try to understand....but it is not always the case.

It is true what you say, for many families and friends, it is really that they don't want to know...because if they know they have to react, it is better for them to deny that there is a problem.

Always remember this jps, you are special ! :Hug_emoticon:

Hi Nightmare,

Yes, I used to get that same question too...."why do you stay"...or worst "aren't you afraid of him ?"

And yes, sometimes I also didn't feel like explaining my exbf's actions.....but in general, they understood.

Thankfully we do have this forum to go to :smile:

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Frankie,

Thank you for your understanding, compassion and support. My intention was to offer that to you, but it's the other way around, I think.
You are so kind.
:Hug_emoticon: