Relationship Do I Contact My Boyfriend?

[Maya65]

My boyfriend has PTSD as well as a few physical injuries from Afghan, i haven't heard from him since Sunday night he does go quiet sometimes but i never know whether to keep texting in case he can't be bothered or leave him alone, I normally do text to keep in touch but I don't want to smother him. Also, we live far apart, and my last text that was ignored I was asking about my next visit to see him, help do I text ask how you doing or leave him to get in touch, any advice would be appreciated, thanks

 

[JaneAgain]

Hi Maya. You and I are going through the same thing right now. i'm so grateful for your question - because it's the one I was going to ask. I'm confused by my boyfriend's actions - he talks to others on FB, twitter and what's app, yet he doesn't get in touch with me first, I'm always the one just saying hi or blowing a kiss to let him know I'm here for him. I'm pretty lucky that I see him at least one a week but this blocking me out really is starting to get to me. Everyone I have spoken to says 'it's not you he's blocking out, he's just using coping strategies while he's going through this episode. He'll come back to you' but it's hard not to take it personally. It seems that his PTSD and his needs are overshadowing a great relationship. I'd love to have some other input too, as I'm sure Maya, you would. Please could anyone help and give us some guidance?

 

[Maya65]

Hi Maya. You and I are going through the same thing right now. i'm so grateful for your question - be...

no one seems to have given us advice, i reached out and text saying i am here if you need me and i am thinking of you, he called and i am seeing him in a few weeks, i guess i just have to play it by ear

 

[TiffanyBlueandYou]

Good morning to you both!

I've gone through this stage and truthfully, it differs from relationship to relationship. The two of you are a little better off than me at the moment. Me and my SO are currently on a 'break' because he needs time to fix himself.

In the beginning of our break, I would text my SO every other day and he'd be extremely unresponsive. He also has no social media presence so I wouldn't know what was going on. If you're really really worried or concerned about him, give him a call. Keep the conversation short and light. If more than a week goes by without any acknowledgement from him, I'd call him.

We also had a talk about how he sometimes just needs a couple of days to just be alone. So we've sort of developed a system, (yes, this will sound stupid) he now has fb messenger and he'll sign on each day so I can see that he was active. This eases my mind and stops me from texting him all the time to see if he's okay and it also takes the burden and pressure off of him having to respond to me all the time. It sounds dumb but it's been working. I can go through a whole week without reaching out now.

It also seems the more space or time I give him, the more he's the one open to imitating conversation. He's been the one that has contacted me for the past 2 weeks. When it comes to making plans, I'm thankful my guy usually responds quickly. Or he does the follow up when the date of whatever it is we're doing is coming up.

This sucks to hear but sometimes they just need some time alone and apart from a relationship. It's not you, it's the ptsd.

Keep on pushing! Hugs to you both.

 

[Maya65]

Good morning to you both!

I've gone through this stage and truthfully, it differs from rela...

Thank you so much mine's is the same with social media very rarely on it. I just don't want to lose him he is an amazing man & keeps saying he doesn't understand what I see in him. I'm not giving up on him I'll keep trying thanks again x

 

[Snowflakes]

@Maya65 Normally someone would reply. The board had a data loss last night so all the posts from yesterday that were not backed up were lost.

At any rate @TiffanyBlueandYou gave very sound advice. Also, as you learned on your own, we supporters do really play it by ear. We do the best we can, use what works, and discard the rest. Finally, on those days you and your boyfriend are communicating....simply ask him if he would like you to "check in" when he is isolating and about how frequently and how (text)

As Tiffany said, it's not you so try to not take it personally.

Take care.

 

[Maya65]

@Maya65 Normally someone would reply. The board had a data loss last night so all...

Thanks, i am so glad i can talk to people like you on here, and thanks i will ask that, have a great week x