Do I Send My Mother's Dog A Gift??

[Srain]

This would be one of the rare years in my entire life that I would not give my mother a Christmas gift or card. I don't want to because I know that she has been known to toss them literally in the garbage even though she knows someone may have put a lot of thought into gift giving. The last time it happened was a couple years ago and I was not just hurt I was furious! I had spent countless hours selecting just the right thing and a good deal of scraped up money to putting everything together. How did I know she dumped it all? She never said a word once we start communicating again and when I asked how she liked cooking with the various salts she lied! She's a shitty liar and it was all over her face :x3:. I could easily imagine the elegant bag with treat for her pup with cute little scarf, and variety of salts with blown glass servers and containers being promptly and with a huff dumped summarily in the dumpster on her way from the management office (where we left it for her) to her apartment. Done. Over. Fk you my dear.

Okay, so I have no longer put any thought or effort into anything for her since. This year, on her cue once again, we stopped communicating, I sent just a card for her birthday, plain simple without a gift card or anything else, screw her! However, this holiday is very special for me and it's difficult the feelings coming up. This could explain the nauseating pounding headache I've had since yesterday. It's difficult to let go completely as this year my old friend who usually send tons of cards and a box of stuff has defriended as well so I'm flopping all over emotionally. Ack..I just am not sure if keeping it formal to nothing is the key since I have sent no cards out this year or send a small gift card for the pup to ease any guilt. Of course she will try to scramble up something should she get it to "make us even" grrr. Which the evil part of me thinks "make her try!" :sneaky: but the other side doesn't want anything from her anymore. :cry:

I am not sure.

 

[intothelight]

(((Rain))),

Some people just aren't worth the emotional effort. Do what feels the most "right" for you.

Sorry that someone could be so callous and uncaring towards another persons feeling.

Deb

 

[simplekindofgirl]

((((Srain))))- I am sorry to hear that you are having so much stress over this. I think when it comes to gift giving, if you feel good giving it, then give it, if your are indifferent to it, then don't. What she does from there is up to her. Your effort is not less for it. And you can feel good about you for trying, or not. Either way, it is all about you and how you feel. But, you know that already.

Think post christmas- will you feel good in having sent something? Or will you regret not having sent something? Whatever you decide is the right answer. Forget what she does with it. That is of no consequence in who you are or what you are trying to do.

That is just my opinion, and how I would try to decide what to do.

 

[Sammy]

I'll add my 2 cents - I agree with Deb and Simplekindof girl. Do what your heart says. What can you live with? If you will feel guilty, send something simple and then let it go. You cannot choose her reaction, only yours. If you feel you need to give something, do it for you. Not for her. If you feel you don't need to, then don't and don't worry about it. Choose your reactions and feelings. You can't choose hers.

 

[wife of]

How about a virtual charity gift like buying a goat through Oxfam for a family but your mom/dog then gets a card to say the gift was made for her? That way she can not toss it out and you get the warmth of knowing your gifting is appreciated.

 

[The Albatross]

(((Rain))) I give the gift because I want to, and don't give two hoots what they do with it. It's the expression I want to convey... I can't control it once it leaves my hands anyways.

 

[The Albatross]

Do as you wish... it's your intention that counts. I try to pick actions that are consistent to who I am and what I believe... and how they receive or interpret it is up to them.

 

[The Albatross]

P.S. Expectation free... I try to give a gift expectation free. It's who I am not what I want from anybody.

 

[KP the nut]

(((Rain))) it is a tough one. I only buy 7 gifts at Christmas and those are for the family I love and see at Christmas. It is easier for me because I never knew my Father and Mum died 20 years ago.

I think only you can give the answer - sorry to sound like a bad T batting that back at you. I love wife ofs suggestion. There are loads in the UK from the Oxfam goat type thing to World Wildlife Fund adopt a tiger or other endangered animal. Our local dogs trust allows you to sponsor a dog. You mentioned your Mom has a dog so that may be an option.

In truth though she may not care but be giving a gift like that you know that something/someone is getting the benefit.

Wishing you well
KP

 

[SimplyComplex]

I don't give anyone a gift when it causes me stress to choose that gift. Its my sign it isn't healthy. I might send a card or a small gesture (a random food gift)...

 

[Srain]

Deb, I know you are right, seriously right and most of the time I'm so clear on this. She doesn't deserve what I am capable of giving her so I give it to those I do love.

This is not the adult in me that struggles with this question, if that were the case it would be simple enough. I look back at all her history of me. I had so much confusion in my life early on. I'm confused now with this all this migraine pain so I'm not thinking clearly.

I understand what you mean Alba, and believe the same, thank you for the reminder. SimplyComplex, I agree, one of the reasons I posted.

Wifeof ... I love the idea :) and it feels like a perfect idea, we have a non-profit animal coalition here that helps the community (I'm sure she uses it as well) to provide low-income, as well as, free services for animal and pet care. This is what I will do.

Thank you all for your feedback. I appreciate such kind and wise responses.
((((((hugs)))))
Rain

 

[anni]

A saw baked in a cupcake in case the dog wants to get the heck outa there?