Do I Start Emdr Again Or Not?

[Hashi]

OK. trying not to be ridiculous about this but I really feel like I've done something terribly wrong.

No-one else has expressed that view. I certainly don't think it. My concern is your therapist's approach, and that you're understandably relying on your therapist.

What I'm questioning is your therapist's approach, overall.

I'm going to leave this thread after this because I don't think I can be in tune with it. I don't think safety is a therapist making themselves available to help with awful fall out from a session with them doing exposure therapy that throws us off balance (for however long). I think safety is building up our own skills, so that a) the fallout is not so bad in the first place, and b) we have learnt to depend on ourselves as much as anyone else.

I'm really uncomfortable with an approach of feeling brutalised (for whatever length of time) then depending on someone else to help me cope with that. I have to question what's happening if that's the case - why would a therapist want to "be there for you" rather than helping you to be there for yourself, however long that takes, before doing therapy work that they're expecting to provoke a crisis (expecting to the point of making themselves available for several days afterwards)? It seems to be encouraging a dependency on the therapist that I don't think is healthy or sustainable.

If it works for you, then it works for you. It wouldn't work for me, and it seriously concerns me, and I don't think this is the only way to do therapy. I don't think you've done anything wrong, I'm questioning what your therapist is doing. I'm going to leave it at that.

 

[Tinyflame]

No-one else has expressed that view. I certainly don't think it.

.. I don't think safety is a therapist making themselves available to help with awful fall out from a session with them doing exposure therapy that throws us off balance (for however long). I think safety is building up our own skills, so that a) the fallout is not so bad in the first place, and b) we have learnt to depend on ourselves as much as anyone else.

I don't think it either, but I 'hear' what you are saying. Even if you've done nothing wrong if it 'feels' like you have it's hard to discriminate. I feel that way asking, talking, 'expecting', revealing, & a host of other things. Even 'new' feels wrong', (or it can).

I like @joeylittle 's post #35 above. But I also understand or relate to what you mean about the 'not meant to be born' thing & such, & I have terrible difficulties with trust & working up to things. I think both- learning (and I really mean learning, and risking) how to ask for & accept help, in addition to my own coping (which is mostly what I tried most of my life) are both good. But I too have not had conventional therapy like others. And I don't know, I'm 'weird'. :confused: Regular therapy would have never worked for me, I'm sure of that.

If I could not have gotten over the hurdle of accepting help I would be finished. It was 'accidental' really, as I couldn't really 'ask'.

I think you sound like you're doing great @desiderata310 :tup: , & if your T has confidence it will be ok, if you feel the same I hope it goes great. I wish you the best.

(For what it's worth, the shouldn't-be-born-thing, I think of "It's a Wonderful Life". If nothing else so many people's lives are interconnected, even if we have no awareness of it at all. :hug: )

 

[joeylittle]

I actually DO trust my therapist. Which um... well, that's huge for me to admit. He did say that he wanted to let me know that while it was possible that he would mess up he was NOT going to betray me. (that IS a huge issue for me)

You've not done anything wrong, @desiderata310. I'm quoting the above for a few reasons - one, good progress in realizing that the "I don't trust him" was more of a knee jerk emotional response but the better, current thought is that you do. Whether it's trusting a person or a pancake, when you struggle with trust every little victory counts, you know?

Second reason: the admitting that he might mess you up - if that was his language - signals to me that he has never worked with trauma as complex or deep as yours. He's being honest in admitting he doesn't quite know what he's doing - but he's forgetting the next bit, which should be "let me refer you to someone who won't mess you up OR betray you".

If you are glossing his words, and it was actually something like "I might not be perfect all the time", that's different.

Even though therapists aren't always MDs, they still play by the rules of "first, do no harm".

I don't know what to think. On the one hand it was miserable and I was in a bad spot for a couple of days and everyone here was telling me that it was a terrible idea and I should find another therapist because he's done everything wrong. On the other hand, I have JUST gotten to a place where I actually feel like I can trust my therapist and while it was horrible and I am not looking forward to the next session, I think the session did good.

You've got some all-or-nothing thinking in here, and I'd just like to encourage you to take a step back. It's your life, your decision, and no one here will judge you if you stay. Here are two things to remember:

1. If you trusted one person, you are capable of trusting another. In other words, don't mistakenly think that this guy is the 100% right therapist for you just because he contributed to a breakthrough.
2. This isn't EMDR or nothing. He's got the responsibility to recommend your treatment plan, but if you want it to slow down, all you need to do is say so. No matter how sure he is of himself, he should be including you in this - and, if he's one of the good guys he would probably be surprised to have his pushiness reflected back at him.

It's great that you think the session did good - seriously.

Often my therapist and I will do processing sessions inbetween the hard stuff. It sounds like that was a lot of your recent session, where he talked and you listened. Could your next session be (perhaps) you and he outlining what your treatment scheme might look like for the next few months? EMDR usually goes with a pre-determined plan, even just as a starting point.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you get to gave a voice in your therapy. And I absolutely believe that you need to have the power to say "stop". I'm assuming that your T would listen if you said it that directly, but I'm noticing that you might not know it's your right to do so.

The therapist you want is the one you can collaborate with, not take orders from.

I hope I'm not causing you upset; all this is coming from caring, not from dictating.

 

[StellaBlue]

My sincere apologies if my post has caused you pain. Like @joeylittle, my comments were coming from a place of concerned caring. There is a lot of good advice in this thread and on this forum...but in the end, it's up to you to decide what resonates for you.

 

[desiderata310]

Sorry.. this is a me thing. I was terrified to go into therapy and now that I am in it I am terrified of messing it up or losing it.

I honestly don't think I could stop and start with someone new. It's taken forever for me to get this far.

I didn't mean to make anyone feel bad. It's my head that is messed up.

 

[StellaBlue]

I was terrified to go into therapy and now that I am in it I am terrified of messing it up or losing it.

I can totally relate. Early on with my current therapist I told him that I needed to be the perfect patient. Unfortunately, in order to do so, I pushed myself way too hard and he missed the signs that I had sunk as far as I had (I tend to appear "fine" until I so far from "fine" it's time for the hospital).

I think the concern that everyone is expressing is for your safety. This is difficult, scary stuff and you need to be able to regulate yourself through it.

I can't speak for anyone else, but you didn't make me feel bad.

I hope your holiday weekend is going well!

 

[001]

I'm sorry to hear about your experience.

All that I can offer is my own, which is that EMDR was a terrible mistake for me. I kept having negative reactions to it, and my therapist kept pushing to go further. Ultimately, I had a horrifying episode (the worst I've ever had) and ended an extremely significant relationship in my life. I will never undergo EMDR again, and fiercely believe that other PTSD survivors should pursue other methods.

Good luck :)

 

[Knak]

The skills of my EMDR therapist and similarity of our personalities and belief systems are the reason this is the first time therapy or meds have helped me. I had a psychotic breakdown 45 years ago that lasted 12 years. The healing began after I recognized God's love for me through people in my life, but continued to make wrong choices due to mistaken beliefs about myself. My abuse and neglect began in infancy, as told to me, and continues to this day because of my poor choices and lack of confidence.
I have been seeing my EMDR therapist for 4 or 5 years. I often need to say I want to do EMDR rather than talk therapy. She continually searches issues I am missing. I have come a long way and for the first time in my life I have a sense of self worth and boundaries. I am working toward self reliance and self defense, recognizing abuse, and taking action to remove it from my life.
I think it is her follow through of the technique, and redirecting my mistaken beliefs to what is true and positive that makes her exceptional.
I believe Christ is the source of love and healing and that His Holy Spirit lives in me, that He is the source of truth and wisdom, is most important and is where healing emanates, and she shares that belief.