Relationship Do I Wait And See Or Leave, Am I Wasting My Time?

[drabs08]

Zipperhead I'm compassionate when it comes to starving kids or abused kids or anything like that. But what does any of what you said have to do with what Living4Jesus said about her problems? Nothing,you need to stay on our forum for Combat Ptsd, we dont belong on this side, were soldiers

 

[drabs08]

By the way Living4Jesus, I get were your coming from. I have Combat Ptsd, & I'm with a woman who is loving compassionate & caring & patient, & I'm not always the best to her. But I sure try, because shes incredible ;)

 

[living4jesus]

Thanks Drabs, my guys pretty great! I will stick by him thru thick and thin because I love him. :x3:

 

[drabs08]

I can tell you will, L4Jesus, I just get this feeling that you will stay with this incredible guy, at least he sounds like it to me. Sounds like you appreciate him, despite the beast that haunts him from combat. I'm sure he loves you & with prayers & support God will make things work. Have a good night God bless :)

 

[living4jesus]

l4j, It's sad that when they come home they can't find the peace they need to live a "normal" life.
.

It really is sad that they cannot find peace. I know that my fiancee has been back for 20 years from the Gulf war and still struggles finding peace sometimes.But I can say that it has helped him to find peace in Jesus Christ. I know that helps him alot during his bad days and even his good days. It is hard when they are happy with the family one moment and the next they are in cold hearted solider mode. It is like a rollercoaster relationship, one week he wants to be with us all as a family or we will have great date nights, but the next week it could be completley opposite and I am crying and miserable. Finding emotional stability, independance adn establishing boundaries will help the supporter the most I think. That is what I am trying to do.

I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling. You mentioned that "Its time we'll never get back". And it is time that they will never get back and unfortunatly that is something that they have to live with by the choices they make due to the PTSD. But we can make the time that we will not get back count for our kids and for us and be there for our men when they need it. I know its hard. It's really hard:( Is he in any treatment for his PTSD? That may help him. I know its hard but try to focus on your kids and keeping yourself happy and healthy(easier said then done I know) . But you can cherish these times with your children right now which they will appreciate and remember. I try to do that myself. Your husband will come around, pray about it, and then give it to God. Sorry I don't mean to preach I just know that God works in so many ways that we do not even know and he has an ultimate plan for all of us. I am here if you ever need someone to talk to Navy Spouse;).

 

[living4jesus]

Amen and Godbless drabs! Yes I will stay with this man thru it all because he is incredible and the one and only for me. I do appreciate him more then words could express.God is working for sure. Good night and God Bless :)

 

[wife of]

Zipper i would just like to say i find the insight of yourself and any other vets to be of great value.x

 

[Zipperhead]

Were those your toes there Drabs? Sorry

 

[Navy Spouse]

l4j, I guess I came across as feeling really down. It does bother me greatly that he can't find it in him to come back home. That being said my girls are taking it very well because I have kept everything "normal" for them. He had just come home from a deployment when he moved out so I suppose to them it's just an extension of that with the benefits of seeing him.

He does go to counseling twice a week. Individual and group therapy, he takes it seriously and doesn't miss appointments. He's trying to get it set up where we can do couples therapy on the day that he's been doing the individual therapy.

Other than him being out of the house, I'm extremely fortunate. He's still a hard worker and providing for his family is top on his list. On days we don't see him, he never misses calling. He's loving and I don't feel like I'm walking on egg shells. I can tell his children mean the world to him.

I guess that's what makes it so hard for me to wrap my mind around him not coming home. When he left, it was horrible but I could see the anger in him and see that he was unable to relax so it was easier for me to understand why he felt he needed to be by himself. The first time he came over and sat in his recliner and put the foot rest up I almost started crying because I hadn't seen him relaxed enough to do that since he had come home.

He says he feels better than he did but he doesn't know what's keeping him from returning home. He's talked about it with his therapist also and she hasn't been able to determine what it could be.

It's just hard to continue being patient. I think with the holidays coming up, it just makes it all that much harder. He was deployed during them last year and I had a different vision of this year. I just need to be thankful that we have him back. We usually travel to our families for Christmas and he doesn't want to go as of yet, so I'm not sure how that's going to work. I wouldn't mind just staying home but the girls really want to see everybody, plus of course I get pressure from the family too.

On top of all that it's becoming a financial strain to pay for two separate places.

 

[living4jesus]

Navy Spouse,

I am glad that he is so good to you and the children. I can imagine that would be a huge strain with the holidays coming up. Maybe his therapist will work with him thru that. That is good he is in therapy, I am praying mine will go back to Therapy.

Maybe that solitude that he has when he is by himself is what is keeping him from coming home? It sounds like he is getting better from what you said tho, so maybe it will only be a matter of time. (((((NavySpouse))))))

I feel ya about the financial strain it is paying for two seperate places, we are currently doing the same thing, that is why I wish my fiancee and I could get all this worked out and get a house eventually, it would save us money, and I would love to be living as a family, and he could have any solitude or private time he needed, I would respect that.

 

[Navy Spouse]

Its nice to know someone gets it. I have also told my husband I would respect his need for alone time. That he would just have to be open with me about what triggers him so we can avoid those situations if possible. This may not sound right, but for lack of a better way of saying it, I think it's like having the best of both worlds. Family when you feel like being with family and a quiet place to yourself when you've had your fill.

I was usually always home by the time he would get home from work and he use to say that he hated coming home to an empty house on the rare occasion he would get home first. I guess PTSD changes everything. Never dreamed I'd have to hope he'd come home.

 

[OKRADLAK]

Drab- Zipper was giving his perspective and it is a very important one. I am sure L4J reaped benefit from hearing him explain what he endures. Zipper has a powerful story and any sufferer and supporter would be honoured to hear him tell it and explain how it effects his life.

((((((((Zipper)))))))))))