Relationship Do I Wait And See Or Leave, Am I Wasting My Time?

[living4jesus]

I know what you mean NS, I never dreamed that I would have to hope that my fiancee would want to marry me and get a house with me one day. But sadly enough it has happened. All we can do is hope and pray for the best and take it one day at a time.

I think I am going to talk to my fiancee about letting me know what triggers him and maybe develop a safe word for it so that we can avoid conflict and I can respect his alone time if I know that it is something he is going thru and not something personally against me. I am very insecure and tend to take everything personally. I am working on thickening my skin tho:)
Hopefully the therapist can work on him coming home.Just take it one day at a time girl. That is what I am trying to do in my situation as well, one day at a time. ((((hugs)))

 

[Whereveryougo]

Zipperhead I'm compassionate when it comes to starving kids or abused kids or anything like that. But what does any of what you said have to do with what Living4Jesus said about her problems? Nothing,you need to stay on our forum for Combat Ptsd, we dont belong on this side, were soldiers

Hmmmm.... Separated again...?

 

[dakoda]

I don't comment much, but I appreciate any insight into the other wolrd. Thank you both Zipperhead and Drabs08 :) You two maybe opposite sides of the spectrum...... but no one's spouse is going to be the same so it all helps in the end.
My (((((((HUGS))))))) go to everyone on this thread...... I'm waiting too.

 

[ronnalee]

I'm so glad he wants you to see a fam. counselor! Mine won't permit me to go with him (he sees a VA psychologist and is unwilling/unable to help himself) and so now I really need to go by myself....I have to pick up the 5 trillion pound phone and make the appointment. :)

 

[ronnalee]

L4J I am also in your shoes with a first marriage that involved affairs and betrayal and now I too work on being overly sensitive. The order of the day for me is to work on what's 'eating my lunch' or causing me pain and then I can clearly be available to him and support him. That is so good that you are working on your issues.

 

[Navy Spouse]

Thank you ronnalee. I hope you do make that appointment. Maybe after talking to someone the phone will only weigh 2 trillion pounds.:) I know what you mean. I become overwhelmed by the smallest of things any more.

We havn't seen the counselor yet, were still waiting to be assigned one. Just yesterday I asked him what he was hoping to get from the couples counseling. He said he hopes to feel comfortable coming home and that things can return to as normal as possible for us. I was happy to hear that he was on the same page as I am because I was beginning to wonder if he thought that we could continue this living separate, even though I told him I could deal with his PTSD symptoms forever but not the living separate.

I also finally asked him if he was ashamed to let me see his symptoms and he said, "That's part of it." So we need to work on that too, because he has no reason to be. We're also trying to pinpoint triggers that he experiences at home so we can try to avoid them if possible.

I'm sure it's hard for the Vietnam vets because they have went so long without the care they needed. I'm thankful we recognized the symptoms and my husband was willing to go to counseling so soon after returning home. It's still been really hard though and I won't feel like were really moving forward until after he returns home.

 

[ronnalee]

He really has times when he struggles and acts out and then last night we had a nice, quiet dinner together and he felt safe enough to tell me about what he was feeling about himself. I'm grateful for this forum and for your sharing.

 

[Tabitha]

I ask myself that question on an hourly basis usually.

 

[winterwishes_4_summerkisses]

I'm really happy that I found this website. I've been feeling really down lately, b/c my marine suffers from PTSD too. I feel as though I'm the one being punished.

He has become very distant and his heart has turned cold. He doesnt answer my phone calls and doesnt repsond to my text messages. when I show up to his job unannounced (because I want to see how he is), he tells me that he's busy.

I ask is it me and he says "no" and that I should not take it personally and that he can't explain what's going on with him. This has been going on for 2 of the 8 years we've been together.

I'm lucky if we're intimate once a year.

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