Do Others Wonder Why We Are Here

[AngelKeeperJ]

I knew why I was here when I was the mother of my two children, and was a medical assistant. When my little girl died, then less than a year later, my son went to live with his dad, I felt the 'mom' part of me curl up and die for awhile. Then when I wasn't able to work anymore, I truly had no idea why I was still here.

I miss the 'old' me, and have adjusted to life I suppose. I am more at peace since dealing with lifelong issues, but still feel like the good times are over. I'm trying to reach out. Going back to church and singing in the choir again. There are some triggers there as I am a preacher's kid, but what I get out of it compensates.

My son is happy and healthy, and that's huge! He went thru some drug/legal struggles that cut me to the core as much or more than losing my daughter. I'm trying to be happy, for him, when I can't do it myself!

I don't want my journey to be a waste either. I don't want this sorrow and depression be the 'final story' of my life.

I do believe that when handicapped children like my little girl come to earth, they come to teach US! And truly I wouldn't trade all the pain for the sweet joy she gave me/us, without ever saying one word.

 

[mamachick]

Angelkeeper-I think they do come to teach and am glad you have your memories. I know exactly what you mean-I would not trade experiences either-even with the pain

 

[LAA]

I know my husband says many of the same things...he has accomplished so much though that I don't think he can see anymore. He had a great career yet he still says there is so much he wanted to do that he cannot. I know it is hard that his career was taken away because of things beyond his control.

His early retirement from law enforcement was because of a physical injury, not the PTSD. They weren't really aware of that although it was there.

I do understand what he means, as my own life is not what I had expected it be as well. I try to remember for myself and for him that "different" doesn't always have to mean bad or worse. My life (and his) is definitely different than what we would have liked but I try to find some small things to be happy about. Admittedly, not easy at times.