Do therapists care less about their clients when they start to heal?

[Snowflake]

I'm commenting mostly because want to follow this thread if anyone else comments. The question is reall...

I understand @hithere. I guess I feel safety in being stuck in the trauma and memories and therapy. Getting better is frightening. I was loved being abused-in a bad way. Once I heal it won’t be the same-and I will lose my therapist and those that “love” me.

 

[blackemerald1]

@hithere it's an interesting relationship T and client, I agree.

several abusers and went back for more

So you know this was really unhealthy hence you got into therapy and would be one of your behavioural patterns that needs looking into.

T happy is when their plans go well and people move on

This is their job and when anyone does their job well & succeeds it feels good. Yes totally agree I'd be happy too.:)

like a rejection.

So your T's success and your success will feel like rejection? I'd talk with your T about this. It's a fine line but manageable.

I am just discarded and forgotten.

But you are not. You still have you - actually a better you. One who doesn't need or behave in the way you previously did. So you might feel very grateful and maybe sad but overall very independent plus you will have a whole tool kit of strategies to deal with PTSD and more. I don't think T's forget their success stories. You are more like a walking, talking role model of how to beat the monster. :)

Have you considered the possibility that once you are well you may feel less inclined to see your T? I know it sounds a remote possibility right now... but in the future?

 

[Snowflake]

@hithere it's an interesting relationship T and client, I agree.


So you know...

My therapist says once I’m healthy I won’t want her

 

[Freemartin]

When you genuinely care about someone? You want them to get better.

Wow. I guess for me that's a genuinely novel thought.
I grew up in a world where there was no actual caring. The only way I could receive some sort of a substitute was to be in a really bad shape. People got worried, but as soon as the situation was over there were no signs of anybody giving a sh*t.
So, makes sense that I share this fear...

 

[Snowflake]

Wow. I guess for me that's a genuinely novel thought.
I grew up in a world where there was no actual...

EXACTLY

 

[Hopeforlife]

My thoughts on this might be a little different. My therapist/psychologist is very good but as much as I have reached out a few times out with sessions I do see her as a service and I assume she sees me as a client. Yes I have built up a trustful relationship with her and if she disappeared tomorrow then I would panick a bit but I sort of see it as they don’t really ‘care’ they are ‘interested’ as it is their job and it was s a challenge for them to help guide us to a better place. Maybe I am way off and I am a bit cold hearted. Do I need to work on my relationship with my therapist? I trust her with all of my deepest darkest secrets.

 

[blackemerald1]

Maybe I am way off and I am a bit cold hearted. Do I need to work on my relationship with my therapist? I trust her with all of my deepest darkest secrets.

No you are not way off, cold hearted & no I don't think you need to work on your relationship with your therapist. It;s not up to anyone but you and your therapist to work out - what works. If you are both comfortable then that works. :)

 

[James McGregor]

Do therapists care less about their clients when they begin to heal?

They shouldn't, they aren't meant to be friends, it's a business relationship after all - or should be. If they cared about every one of their clients they'd end up in therapy themselves

 

[DharmaGirl]

Most of them are in therapy, lol, or should be. That's a lot of poo-poo to handle on one's own. I believe they care about their clients. It is a caring profession. I was a nurse. I cared for and about my patients. I wasn't paid to care, I was paid to do specific duties, but I cared.

 

[Justmehere]

Yet, the lower level thoughts I have are so similar, much like a rejection. Like the T has "moved on" to more interesting people now and I am just discarded and forgotten.

I grew up in a world where there was no actual caring. The only way I could receive some sort of a substitute was to be in a really bad shape

It might be worthwhile to read up a bit on the identified patient role. Some people who grow up in trauma and dysfunctional families find that the only way they could get any kind of caring was to be the “identified patient.” Often the dysfunctional family system feeds into this too, trying to indicate all the problems are due to that person being unwell.

Much of what is written on this thread seems like those who learned to find a form of caring through being in this role, and part of healing will be to learn they better care, concern, and connection can come from not being stuck in that role anymore.