Do We Outgrow Therapists?

[Away From The Sun]

@loveneverfails: Your therapist is being quite unprofessional. They are NOT supposed to disclose their personal beliefs... it's about being "objective", validating, and steering YOU in the right direction (of what you want to do and meeting your goals). Therapy should NEVER become a therapist's soapbox because from the get go, there is a power imbalance. The relationship should be about YOU... not his feelings, thoughts, and beliefs.

 

[Abstract]

Agreed!

 

[Hashi]

Maybe instead of focusing on CBT it's time I find a therapist that specializes in mood disorders so I can learn healthy ways of coping with that aspect of my disorders?

I think your current therapist must be a good therapist in many ways, if you've made progress with him despite the examples you've given of what the issues are.

It doesn't sound to me that he is going to be able to help you at all with boundaries and what is/isn't OK behaviour. I would say from the examples you've given that these are his own weak points as a therapist. I also think, however much he has helped until now, that it would be good to change to a therapist who isn't judgemental of who you are and your choices.

It sounds like you've already been thinking about the type of therapist you might change over to. If you talk to potential new therapists, I'd suggest you include questions about the things you've put in your post, to get a feel for their approach to these specifically, as well as more generally.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I tried to brush him off and cancel my appointments for a while but he's not allowing it. I am thinking of writing a note to him about not seeing him anymore but it feels wrong to do it that way. I like to do things like that in person, but at the same time I'm dreading the look on his face and what he'll say to me.

 

[Abstract]

I have to say that I don't envy you as it isn't easy. I don't know if this helps or not but I read that there are two important things in therapy. The one is to discuss any concerns directly. The other is to leave in a proper way. It is an important opportunity to practice ending something.

Not that I did my second last therapist when I left! :p

brush him off and cancel my appointments for a while

I think him not allowing this is probably right actually.

I like to do things like that in person, but at the same time I'm dreading the look on his face and what he'll say to me.

I think this is sooo understandable.

 

[Loveneverfails]

Wondering if there is some negative transference involved in why I'm so emotionally vested in this and so afraid of what he thinks of me.

 

[Abstract]

Sounds very possible loveneverfail.

 

[Hashi]

I'm dreading the look on his face and what he'll say to me.

I know. It's horrible having to "break up" with a therapist. I found it hard enough to do with someone I'd been seeing for only a few months, and you have been seeing your therapist for much longer and doing much deeper work. It is part of the deal, though, for both you and him, that you might outgrow seeing him and need to see someone else.

I think you're right that this is probably mirroring something to you. I think pretty much everything about therapy relationships does that. *irony warning* And of course, it's so healing for us to work through it! :confused::eek:

Would it help to think through beforehand what you think he'll say, and work out how you want to answer?

 

[Loveneverfails]

I feel like he must know something's up because he won't leave me alone. I'm so used to getting my distance when things go wrong. I wish he'd just give me space.