Do You Become Focused on One Thing, and Neglect Other Aspects of Management?

[cragger65]

I'm just wondering if anyone else gets caught up in this pattern I have, of getting too focused on one aspect of healing, and putting all my effort and attention and HOPES into this one thing.

Like, when I get in a slump and stop going for walks for a while, it becomes "Mission Critical" to correct this one aspect. So, I neglect keeping in contact with friends. Excercise is THE answer. After a while, I become depressed but can't put my finger on why, until I realize I haven't talked to anyone in 3 weeks.

Then, making contact with people becomes priority one (well, bad example actually because I don't go whole hog on that one ever, but you get the idea).

I move my focus from one "miracle cure" to the next rather than finding a balance. I'm going to make myself up some charts that will help me track diet, excercise, friend contact, and even moods from day to day and week to week. If anyone's interested, I'll post what I come up with, and if you have sheets of your own, maybe we could make it a thread to share work-sheets, etc.

Bye for now,
Dave

 

[Deleted member 541]

Years ago this too happened to me... As I look back on it(thanks for this post) it was almost like I became hyperfocused...... I'm not sure if it was because of this, or because my mind and body could only handle one thing at a time..... Kind of like a dog with a bone......

 

[cragger65]

So what changed that for you She Cat. Is there certain things that you can put your finger on?

 

[Irton Pike]

Hell yes!

When i was a kid you used to get the spinning plates on sticks thing on game shows. Hope you all know what that means... Anyway, managing your mental health is about keeping all the plates spinning. Its hard work! And sometimes plates get broken.

 

[Grainne]

I go through phases like that, but I am usually not the focus of my hyperfocus...it's my son. I'll all of a sudden start a search...looking for things to help him, and will get so focused that I lose sight of alot of other aspects of my life. My husband jokes that I could likely write the manual on autism and every theory out there...lol...I get very involved. When I was on mat leave when C was born, I spent upwards of 18 hours a DAY on the computer (he sat with me, screaming the entire time..didn't ever matter what we did, he was miserable...poor wee soul). I'll get so into things that one day, like you said, I'll look up and....oooooh...realize that I haven't called my family in weeks!! That makes me feel guilty, so I can't bring myself to call...and so on and so on. Sigh.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Dave,

The two things that really helped me.......

1) I had to LEARN how to relax.......That was a biggie for me. I wasn't the type of person to just sit around doing nothing. I considered myself lazy, unproductive, and a complete waste of a human being if I did nothing. So I was always on the go, doing, doing, doing........Thus, I neglected a lot of the stuff I SHOULD have been doing to help myself.......It wasn't until my T pointed it out to me, and gave me relaxation exercises, and MADE me understand that it was OK, and even NORMAL to relax, did I slow down enough to focus on me......It took awhile to figure it all out....

2) Then, I had to learn balance........I was an all or nothing/ black and white person. I had to learn that there IS the middle ground, and that walking it, is OK.......It's about pacing yourself, throughout the day/week/month to be able to get it all in. It's ok, to do a little of everything, even if you don't get everything accomplished. I had to learn to give myself permission to NOT succeed/finish everything I tackled.. I still have a hard time with this, but I am so much better than I was.......

I am a work in progress........

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

I wanted to let you know - I understand exactly how you are feeling. I just haven't responded until now - because I had not advice to give.

I'll continue to read and perhaps it can help all of us a bit. Thank you for posting this question.

 

[cat]

Yes I'm going through a phase of doing this.

Having returned to work I'm so mentally shattered at the end of the day/week I just go into hibernation when I get home knowing only too well that come monday morning that I'll be anxious again.
I also have times when I'm better at managing my flashbacks, sometimes I remember to use all my strategies, others I let them take hold before I think 'oh, yes I should have done.... they are becoming second nature but sometimes i simply forget.

Cragger - I would be interested in a work sheet, I think it would make me more focused when I'm busy & go into avoidance mode.

I don't know about anyone else but if my concentration was better it would help!

 

[Xenu]

I've definitely been going through something like this. Recently, all my focus was on not drinking. But I have so much social anxiety I can't work up the nerve to walk into a bar or club, which keeps me very isolated. So I tell myself to drink a bit then go, but I always end up staying home anyway. Same with exercise. I was really focused on it a couple of months ago. This isolation is making me worse but I don't know what to do about it...

 

[cragger65]

Wendy, it's funny that these things are so hard to learn... I am always berating myself, that if only I had stayed in the group I originally was put into at the time of my break-down/wigout, everything would have turned out fine. My neuro-psych reminded me tonight that if you're abused and become depressed, that's not your failing, that's a natural reaction. I'm so confused as to what to think right now, my mind is just not working.

I'm too buggered up in the head today to think straight, I'm just hanging in for a better day tomorrow. Could someone give me an example of how I'm being too hard on myself? I know it sounds clueless on my part, but a lot of the time I feel like I'm just facing "the truth", and don't quite see what others mean by this.

Here's to better days soon, thanks to everyone for your comments; I'll come back to this thread again when my head is screwed on a little straigher and read all of this again.

Cheers,
Dave

 

[TLight]

Dave;
To me it seems like your just working on your issues like it's a job.........just let them evolve naturally......look at the pain, the depression, the anxiety.........allow them their space to be for a little while......
Then, get up and do a bit, exercise, work...........allow yourself to be.

 

[NarcSis]

I understand the hyperfocus. I struggled with relaxation at first, it was my 'sole purpose' at the time. Then I struggled with finding time to do my therapy 'homework' because it cut into my relaxing time. Once I got it down, I was asked if I was being social - I didn't realize I could be, so I began focussing on friendships outside of work, forgetting to relax because my friends are all so far away, driving to see people takes its toll. When I informed my therapist that I was doing all this travelling she asked why I was not doing my homework. So I dropped the friends and got back to homework/relaxing. Now if I go anywhere that's a days drive away or even to the mall, I feel severe guilt - "I'm supposed to be relaxing, doing homework and getting better"...heaven forbid I run into people from work and I appear 'too happy' to be off.
I gained 10 lbs this summer because in my hectic schedule, I also forgot to workout. Now I feel like a lump on my couch and I get guilt if my homework takes too long and leaves me too depressed or anxious to workout.

Catch 22. Bigtime.