Do you find it hard to start and stick with things? How have you/are you working through this?

[NatBird]

Hey All,

I'm posting because I am grieving and trying to find ways of moving with it

I see that some of the losses I'm grieving are due to giving up (lacking resilience - hate that word), not feeling good enough, self doubt etc

I'm curious about what has stopped other people seeing things through? And mostly what people have done to help them pursue passions, interests and not just give up?

 

[Ronin]

First part, can't answer rn. Too complex.

Second? Done this before.
On all levels. Done this before means can & will again.

Quitting is nah. Grieving is move and good. To quit for grief is dishonoring lives. Hence no quitting. << Just own book. No judgement on how others do or should anything.

Not seeing those that part for grief as cowards, either. Just people who tried them damnedest, and life hurt them too much to get up again, Hail & Live a better one, in another form, you are missed & still loved.

 

[Chris-duck]

I'm curious about what has stopped other people seeing things through?

Usually it's depression based for me, can't be bothered, not any good anyway blahblah. Basically all different non-reasons for why it doesn't matter if I do it or not so may as well not.

And mostly what people have done to help them pursue passions, interests and not just give up?

I think I just break it down, like I got through my degree not expecting to complete it tbh, just every day I was like "just do today and decide later if you wanna give up" "you don't need to care, just go through the motions until you care again". I think it's normal to go through phases of feeling unmotivated etc, or like the end goal is impossible so give up now. I think I just gave myself permission to not really care that day but I had to keep showing up anyway just in case I cared later.

I dunno if any of that makes sense :laugh:

 

[Tinyflame]

Idk. I find trying feels shame-filled, and stripping.

Not much help, I'm affraid. ? :hug:

 

[Invisible Fire]

What stopped me from doing Is trying to do what I thought I “should” do. I talked about this lately in therapy. I started thinking about the things that I believed I “should” do and started making a plan on how I can do the things I want to do. So I am continuing with therapy and working on being my authentic self. Listening to myself and trying not to let opinions, words and actions of others deter my path. I have lived my life in fear of so many things and the word “should” was over shadowing who I am. But, honestly I have no idea how to start doing things I’m passionate about for fear of ? Not sure. Living? Feeling? Mostly still not being enough.

 

[NatBird]

Usually it's depression based for me, can't be bothered, not any good anyway blahblah. Basically all different non-reasons for why it doesn't matter if I do it or not so may as well not.

I think I just break it down, like I got through my degree not expecting to complete it tbh, just every day I was like "just do today and decide later if you wanna give up" "you don't need to care, just go through the motions until you care again". I think it's normal to go through phases of feeling unmotivated etc, or like the end goal is impossible so give up now. I think I just gave myself permission to not really care that day but I had to keep showing up anyway just in case I cared later.

I dunno if any of that makes sense :laugh:

Yes it make a lot of sense and I could really hear the non attached approach in the way you described your process

I think part of what goes on for me is I have such little self worth that I attach a lot of meaning to activities and the pressure keels me over!

Thanks for your response and well done on your degree:)

 

[NatBird]

Idk. I find trying feels shame-filled, and stripping.

Not much help, I'm affraid. ? :hug:

@Tinyflame yes I can relate to the trying-feels-shame-filled and so not bothering. For me this plays itself out when reading. Often I avoid books because I read others, see how good they are and then feel a lot of shame and hopelessness. Then I don't read which is no good if you're passion is writing!

Thanks for sharing what you did Tiny:)

 

[NatBird]

What stopped me from doing Is trying to do what I thought I “should” do. I talked about this lately in therapy. I started thinking about the things that I believed I “should” do and started making a plan on how I can do the things I want to do. So I am continuing with therapy and working on being my authentic self. Listening to myself and trying not to let opinions, words and actions of others deter my path. I have lived my life in fear of so many things and the word “should” was over shadowing who I am. But, honestly I have no idea how to start doing things I’m passionate about for fear of ? Not sure. Living? Feeling? Mostly still not being enough.

Yes 'what do I WANT to do?' And how I want to do it?

Good questions for me to take with me when writing

I know I want to write and I do write. I just want to have more belief in it and be more visible with it. I know I like poetry but would like to try a mix of poetry and essay and memoir writing. I don't really know the form but maybe I can just keep writing and see what emerges, the content often chooses is form

Haha just my inner ramblings

Thanks for replying:)

 

[Tinyflame]

Good luck with your writing @NatBird . :hug:

 

[pam4him]

I guess what helped me get through it was to go through it, if that makes sense. I had to allow myself to grieve each loss, get through the stages of grief, then I was able to move forward again. I cried some, journaled, wrote letters that were never mailed, screamed into pillows, whatever it took to work through the grief. After processing the grief of the moment, I had the energy to pursue my passions. Prayers for strength to process, and energy to pursue.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

Hello @NatBird ! I love writing as well, and spent years not following through because I didn’t think I was good enough. I think what finally did me in is “why not now” and then setting a deadline for something, then breaking it down to the minute detail of how many words a day. On days I didn’t want to, I just tried to ignore the inner critic and keep pushing.

For me the biggest hurdle is looking at the BIG picture. I see: I want to write a novel, and want to give up because there’s so many steps to get there. But if I can break it down to it’s smallest smallest steps, I can get there. I put so much pressure on myself to get to the big picture, when writing really is just one word at a time. If you can write one word today, that’s progress.

 

[NatBird]

I guess what helped me get through it was to go through it, if that makes sense. I had to allow myself to grieve each loss, get through the stages of grief, then I was able to move forward again. I cried some, journaled, wrote letters that were never mailed, screamed into pillows, whatever it took to work through the grief. After processing the grief of the moment, I had the energy to pursue my passions. Prayers for strength to process, and energy to pursue.

thank you @pam4him I needed to have that reminder

to me it's the strength to grieve. It takes a lot of courage and strength to surrender, not fight it (be in denial) and feel the feels

these day all I can do is self harm in response. it's not good but what I have

I read something similar in my ACA book the other day, - after processing the grief we have renewed energy

thanks for the reminder and support:)