Do You Notice A Rhythm With Your Trauma And Healing Process?

[Seasounds]

If I step back, and look at the grand scheme of things, I notice a rhythm: when I take steps forward, it seems to trigger unconscious and subconscious material, that is, at first glance, directly opposing such progress-as my parents did. This use to defeat me, and grind me into the ground.

Then, after working with various therapists-using different therapeutic perspectives, I seemed to catch wind of a theory, that suggested something different. (Fortunately a new set of skills came, too.) When I make forward progress, it triggers the related memories-that challenged such progress, in order to allow me to process the past experiences-once again, re-frame them, and even use the momentum of the event as fuel, to continue to establish healthier roots.

Does anyone else see this pattern in their healing.

 

[greenleaf]

Yes definitely; my thoughts on it are a slight variation on this... I have suspected that related memories/issues are brought up if they are now in conflict with the new way of looking at something, and my mind wants to resolve this. Or the parts of it do. Or something like that. An inconsistency, and these memories were taking energy to keep locked down... It's not that I would verbally have lists and be thinking to myself, "these things are inconsistent"; it's more that type or level of thinking that is in concepts or shapes, so inconsistencies are intuitively apparent.

I would also add that this is going on beneath my conscious level at first, but I've become aware of bits of it into a couple of instances. (Unless I'm completely nuts; perhaps I'll go eat more chocolate. :alien: )

 

[Seasounds]

Your description gave me insight; I would say, what you describe occurs for me too, just never thought of it that way. Thanks.

 

[marylouise]

Yes, the very same. It's why I believe in self-actualization, that we are all working towards being the best we can at all levels. I don't think that ever stops for human beings, though trauma survivors are uniquely poised to observe the process in ourselves. It actually gives me a lot of hope in humanity, though I haven't figured out how to reconcile it with the aggressive, destructive impulses I also see from human beings.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I never noticed before but yes I see the patterns developing in me now. When everything is calm and I go through great changes as I have recently, the nightmares started up again and I feel so safe that I realize something is going to come up in my subconscious and then it will surface into my becoming aware of whatever it is that is surfacing. I will go through the process and get new insights that I did not have before. Interesting thread.

 

[seedling]

Yes, thanks for the thread. I experience this constantly and have come to be able to recognize the stages more and more.

I realize that something is coming, memories surface. Sometimes I'll be triggered by a situation until the memory around it surfaces and my perspective clears.
When I'm in the triggered stage I feel the general anxiety etc.. that seem overwhelming but don't have meaning in the present. As I work through the emotion and release it, the memory or issue from my past becomes clearer and I'm not so overwhelmed in the present. Then comes the insight and a feeling of knowing myself and being able to deal with the world better.

I try to enjoy the time when I feel clear of another chunk of "it" because it's usually following by what I call "backlash." That part of me that feels it's dangerous to be myself etc. tosses out some more of it to work on. I think that when I act outside of what I found to be "safe" as a child it brings up another layer of it. @greenleaf, like how you described it.

that we are all working towards being the best we can at all levels

Yes, this is how I felt even before the trauma. Now, with PTSD, I feel that I don't have the luxury of taking my time about it like I might have done before - it's too painful NOW to put off working on it. Also, the trauma brings up so much all at once.

Sometimes the words that come to me are "deeper down and closer in." Spiraling in to the center.