Do You Think Sympathy Really Helps In The End?

[Tinyflame]

Philippa that's very kind.

 

[Philippa]

Well, honestly, I think that's what is needed in these situations. Unfortunately most people don't know how to listen and really hear anyone else...they're too busy talking at each other!:rolleyes:

 

[anni]

Hmm. There it is. Saying something just plain kind to someone while being encouraging at the same time isn't the same as sympathy, is it? Approaches vary because people vary too, certainly but 'sympathy' as defined as a way for someone to wallow in their trauma isn't something I've seen someone who really is suffering from PTSD indulges in in the first place.Maybe some do, I just haven't seen it much? That sort of person surely would be asking for attention, feeling they deserve the 'sympathy' an drippy sentiments of others. We don't feel we deserve much of anything, much less wish attention from anyone on the planet. Perhaps those types don't last long here so I haven't noticed them much, but it doesn't seem to fit the bill with the whole PTSD lack of self-worth thing regardless.

 

[Tinyflame]

We don't feel we deserve much of anything, much less wish attention from anyone on the planet. Perhaps those types don't last long here so I haven't noticed them much, but it doesn't seem to fit the bill with the whole PTSD lack of self-worth thing regardless.

Oh anni- how true, never thought of it like that but that is exactly so to-the-heart-of-it all.
I think we give up on ourselves by-and-large long-before we even expect others to.

 

[AmyO]

I can see what you mean about sympathy versus empathy. I recently had to face issues with my ex that put me into a state of almost nervous breakdown. I couldn't take it anymore and I passed out. When I woke to my friend shaking me all I could hear was his voice and picture getting used by him and several of his friends for their weekly 'party'. But that is besides the point for this. I came to screaming and calling out for my children, my friend didn't touch me as she understood the idea of a flashback, but then she laid into me. I put it that way that I was told that I had a night without kids to get myself together and suck it up to get better by tomorrow. She told me she was starting to get p....ed, and that if I kept up my stuff I was going to end up in the nuthouse. Needless to say, I felt worse.

All I would have liked to hear is 'if you need to talk I am here.' But it seems if there is not a basic understanding of what PTSD is, there is a lack of real understanding of the need to feel connected. Bless their hearts though they may try, it does more hurt than good.

 

[Brontie]

Anthony,

While reading your post I found myself wondering if you thought there was a difference between men and woman and how they view and use sympathy and empathy?

 

[AngelaMarie]

I think the key is a balance of love and truth. I want to know that someone has empathy, however, I want to also know that they care enough to be honest with me. Sometimes I don't see things clearly and I wish someone would be truthful, not in a harsh way, but in a way that shows they want me to get better.

 

[anthony]

Anthony,

While reading your post I found myself wondering if you thought there was a difference between men and woman and how they view and use sympathy and empathy?

Women tend to be more sympathetic than men, genetically, as women are more emotional than men, genetically.

Saying that, sympathy is irrelevant to men or women after the initial event itself. It doesn't help process the negative emotion, it only helps keep you within the negative emotion, which is an abuse cycle.

Where not talking about a marital breakdown or such here, I am only referring to trauma that has caused PTSD, and the person has PTSD. If you have PTSD, then sympathy is no longer a valid emotion because it is destructive to PTSD mechanisms.

Sympathy in most roles only has a sustained time period, anything after that period the person still becomes stuck in a milder abuse cycle. It is like someone who holds onto the grieving of a loved one for years and years, ie. they are still grieving two years later, as a result, it has affected their life to a negative degree. If you grieve for two years, but still function, perform, socialise, etc, then that grieving is not negatively impacting your quality of life, which means highly likely, not impacting your health.

These are factors that must be associated at all times, however; PTSD is impacting you negatively already, so it rules out all other aspects. If you told me you have PTSD and have no impairment to social functioning, work, etc, then you don't have PTSD, because you don't meet the diagnostic criterion. This is why if the term PTSD is used, there is no assumption being made that negative impairment is present. You either have it, or you don't, and with PTSD, comes negative impairment within specific aspects of your life.

 

[Brontie]

Dealing with PTSD in ourselves and others 'patience and understanding' are the words that come to mind and could be mistaken for sympathy. I have two sisters, I've talked about before, straight-talking types, givers of sympathy but they don't mess around either when push comes to shove. So I think I get it.

It's just that on forums some people have been known to carry on a discussion only to discover that they are attaching a different meaning to the thing being discussed. Bring real life and forum life, and men and women, into the discussion and something gets lost in the translation, so to speak, because of the different take on things.

I think the mention of sympathy and empathy brings up many scenarios for some women, I think that's what I did here. I failed to stick specifically with PTSD as the main topic of discussion.

I need to have more focus.

Thanks, that was helpful.