Does Anyone Else Have Trouble Believing Their Own Story?

[askmenot]

I, too, talk about my traumas as if they were "newspaper headlines" - very unattached. Of course, this is because I had to distance myself from the traumas when they were happening (on almost a daily basis) in order for me to survive. It's a very, very hard habit to break.[/quote]

It might be a hard habit to break - but it's also a habit that probably kept you alive for a long time, so who in their right mind would give that up easily? Maybe it might be more useful to think of it as a resource that is in need of replacing - gradually, gently and with enormous thanks for getting you this far.:thumbs-up

 

[fallout]

I can totally relate to this-I could not believe what was happening to me at the time it was going on, let alone now. I was really intrigued at the fact that I knew I could not take the pain, yet I had not died so there I was. One of my traumas was a bit odd...taking a body that physically should have been bed/wheelchair bound and making it finish honors classes and run track. It's just hard to believe that I did that, sometimes I almost feel like I'm lying about it, but then I remember the depth of the hole that it put me in.

PTSD seems to be all about people enduring unspeakable things, I don't think we are made to believe in these atrocities.

 

[Irton Pike]

I have trouble conveying the reality of driving a car of the side of a hill, flying through the air over the tops of trees, only to walk out without any physical damage. I find it difficult to believe.

Which is odd given the number of times
i habe rerun it!

 

[Anonymoose]

It's something like imposter syndrome. I went to apply for benefits today and I felt like I was faking it and at any moment I might get caught. I feel like I could be well if only I would do...something...to get there. That's not true. I often find my own story hard to believe, but it's true. It's just that much harder to advocate for myself and get my own needs met because I'm fighting disbelief in the truth.

 

[Robyn]

I think he was punished in this life

Pardon me for butting in...I'm a carer just trying to understand my husband.

That thought struck me some time ago. That PTSD is passed down. From what I know about how my husband was raised, it seems to have been a pattern. They weren't just cruel...they were unable to or didn't have the resources available to cope with their traumas.

Do you think that they realized that what they were doing was wrong? Most had to...otherwise, they wouldn't have tried to hide their atrocities from the rest of the world, don't you think?

That's where the line gets drawn in the sand. My husband realizes that there's a problem (what he terms as 'being an asshole'.) He's wanting to change but has to learn how to fight back. I don't know the extent of his trauma, but a single thread seems to be prevalent throughout most of what I've read, in that, at some point, each sufferer has had a threat to their life. Either perceived by the doer's actions or real as in your story.

Am I off base here?

Again, sorry for butting in...

Praying for your successful recovery and a happier life.

Robyn

 

[midi]

i think sometimes, in order to continue surviving, we detach from the past traumas. maybe it's a coping mechanism. i talk about the first 22 years of my life as an episode--it's over, so it doesn't matter.

my mother strongly believes that women and female children are there for abuse and rape. she has done nothing wrong--i am the one who is messed up. whenever a woman or child is raped, it is because they deserve it. this blame the victim mentality seems to be a coping mechanism for perpetrators or accomplices who can't break the cycle of violence. both my parents were severely beaten throughout their childhoods. since they can't stop it, they accept and pass it on.

i too feel like an imposter. mentally disabled? no, i'm just weak and lazy!

 

[jennifer0506]

I believe what happened, i know what happened, yet i do not believe. I often manage to convince myself it didn't, it only takes a simple 'it didn't happen'. I don't think i tell anyone the full extent of what goes on day to day with me, ever, because telling people feels as if im telling lies. But for some reason i feel myself lying about other things, as if my hole life is a lie, and one more life won't hurt.
Except they're not lies. And i know they're not.
So i totaly get your confusion haha.

 

[shari]

Sandy,
I too have PTSD from domestic abuse. Since one of the symptoms of PTSD can be things feeling very surreal and one of the problems with domestic abuse is how it challenges perceptions and adoption of someone elses world view, it really is a double whammy.
Yes, sometimes I can't believe it myself. Sometimes I can believe it and not believe it back and forth like a yo-yo back and forth all day.You are not alone, it was not your fault. Services at the domestic violence shelter have helped me with feelings of disbelief and PTSD.

 

[wattle]

Recently I remembered details of stuff that happened when I was a kid, I had always remembered the outlines but never the details, it seemed just too much when I did remember though. I asked my therapist if something you remmber has to be real or could it be imagination running away, he said it didn't matter if it's in your mind it needs taking care of and looking at, if you know what I mean.:dontknow:

 

[pandora]

I know what you mean by the memories seeing the outlines and details.....some of that info is just...GONE. i guess you have to work with what you do remember...for me things are all connected in ways i am just beginning to understand with the emdr how the traumas have a history for me because they run together at times and relate. That is my personal experience with the emdr so far...it is bringing alot of trauma forward.Not in a bad way really, I am coping right now and my personal life is nuts.

 

[midi]

There are some things I have watered down over the years, and then I hear them from other people or read it over in court files, and just go WOW, I lived through that? Sometimes we need disbelief to survive.

 

[pandora]

That makes so much sense......denial got me 20 years and then.....BOOM!!!!! It was too unbeleivable to even know how to tackle or fix, so I avoided. Sometimes it is just too much for us to handle and we do it at the time any way we can...positive, or negative. Positive being the thing to focus on though....we can live with this.