Does Anyone Fear They Are Burdensome?

[Tinyflame]

Does anyone feel ashamed of their symptoms? I feel ashamed when I am sick, ashamed when I am triggered, ashamed to not be 'able' to 'handle' things the way I used to. I feel ashamed to ask for help, and when I do ask for help, ashamed of that too and certain it's (the shame) is not only 'deserved' but shared by anyone I've told, and even if they say otherwise it's just to be polite. Like I'm toxic to others. Even going to the Dr is almost impossible.

I'm not sure what I'm hoping to accomplish writing this, but thanks for reading.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

((((((((((((((((Junebug)))))))))))))))))

Yes!

This is something deep that we need to change, too :) .
I see that your soul is beautiful, that you deserve good, nurturing, help, good medical care.
I see a wonderful woman, who has endured, survived and deserves to hold her head up high.

You are not a burden, you, dear friend, are a gift to this hurting world and to all of us here.
I love you ((((((((((((((((Junebug))))))))))))))))))!
Deer

 

[intothelight]

Hi Junebug,

I was nodding as I read your post. I think most people have a sense of self-worth, while those with PTSD seem to have an overwhelming sense of self-worthlessness. (Not all, but many.)

I think that one of the hardest struggles, at least for me, is to pursue anything for myself; since I really do not feel I deserve it. However, I will do it for other people to make them happy. Not the best reason, but a starting point.

But even when you don't see it, Junebug, you are very worth it!

(((hugs)))
Deb

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Oh Junebug, you are not alone in how you feel. I honestly could have written your post. My heart breaks for all of us who put so little value and such high amounts of shame on ourselves. We all really do deserve more and are worth far more than the value we put on ourselves. Listen to others who value you if you can't listen to yourself right now. You are of great value!

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((Junebug))))

EXACTLY how I feel.

...thank you for being you...you help me so much!

How I wish the worth I feel about you could be wrapped up and given to you in a big shiny package with a huge bow!

 

[Reclusive]

You can count me in, too. People shouldn't have to put up with me and my problems - it's just not fair. But y'know what? I put up with theirs no problem and would NEVER want them to feel that way!

 

[jewel]

Thanks for that post! I feel exactly the same. So much of the time I put in a fake happy face and let people believe I am okay and then come home to my lonely space and break down alone. I don't want anyone to see me looking or feeling weak or needy or different. It hurts so much that I cannot be who I used to be. I used to think no one understood and now I know everyone here understands...phew! What a relief for me and for all of us to have this forum.

 

[Jestadud]

I totally agree with you there is probably a Junebug who is a burden to somebody!

But not my Junebug who is always there for me when I feel I misunderstood or have upset people, my Junebug who is a saviour to me in helping me through situations that I don't fully understand.

Definitely not my Junebug who is such a godsend to me when I am so ashamed of my condition and the symptons I sometimes display.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you everyone, for such kindness. I am really going to try to think of and remember 'your' words in place of my own- it really never occurred to me that feeling like this or having those thoughts had anything to do with 'worth'- let alone 'value'. I get so mad at myself especially when 'good things' trigger me.

My dear Jesta and everyone, I feel just like you described too- and none of you are anything but the Sweetest, Most Valuable People on Earth (and Beyond

)
-Thank You xoxoxoxoxox, from the bottom of my Heart

 

[way_back_when]

Does anyone feel ashamed of their symptoms? I feel ashamed when I am sick, ashamed when I am triggered, ashamed to not be 'able' to 'handle' things the way I used to. I feel ashamed to ask for help, and when I do ask for help, ashamed of that too and certain it's (the shame) is not only 'deserved' but shared by anyone I've told, and even if they say otherwise it's just to be polite. Like I'm toxic to others. Even going to the Dr is almost impossible.

I'm not sure what I'm hoping to accomplish writing this, but thanks for reading.

I usually feel that way when I think that I've spoken too much. When I actually trust a person, there will be times I go on and on. Later on, I'll realize that I might not have considered how they were doing even though I do care. I try very hard not to waffle on about my problems because I've been accused of just being 'a plate full of problems'. I don't talk with the person who said that to me anymore, but I think about how others might perceive me more frequently. A burden, a bunch of problems, or an exaggerator... even though I feel like I go out of my way to 'downplay' how I feel.

 

[Srain]

I usually feel that way when I think that I've spoken too much. When I actually trust a person, there will be times I go on and on. Later on, I'll realize that I might not have considered how they were doing even though I do care. I try very hard not to waffle on about my problems because I've been accused of just being 'a plate full of problems'. I don't talk with the person who said that to me anymore, but I think about how others might perceive me more frequently. A burden, a bunch of problems, or an exaggerator... even though I feel like I go out of my way to 'downplay' how I feel.

Weird how I feel like I left my head open or my journal for you all to have read

from it

I've gotten to where I satirically call it my "DramaRama"

when talking to people now, while presenting my life as light-hearted, ironic, in a series of 'aren't ya glad it's not you??" moments, and ending with I hope I've gotten further from the last we spoke

. Honestly, it can be so embarrassing compared to how I use to live. I remember my Son saying at one time, "you use to never be home!" Yeah, well, now I can catch up on those old TV programs, oh boy...

Well, the truth is, I really have had a struggle feeling useless. It's been years in the making but with finally getting down to business with the trauma work on a down and dirty level, I finally don't feel so much of burden because I am busy moving forward. It's A LOT OF WORK!! Not really the kind of thing you thing you chit chat about over dinner with the In Laws so I tend to visit them during football season so I can at least wonder over and plot myself with my Hunny's older relatives and watch the games :)

Anyway blah blah blah...

 

[Tinyflame]

Srain, I'm glad you're doing thw ork you need, that's important and you shouldn't feel ashamed.
-Hugs + +