Does Anyone Oddly Find Dissociating "being At Peace"?

[Airbornemedic82911]

Sometimes before I go off into an episode, I generally become the "calm before the storm" and for a brief moment even though horrific images and voices are replaying, I feel somewhat finally relaxed? And then of course it abruptly ends with me coming back to reality but I don't know it is the "real world" and my fiance describes me as literally being a medic in the yard on things that aren't alive. It sounds like a typical comedic skit but that just scares me even more. My p-doc didn't give me back my miracle Klonopin but so far Effexor seems to be helping now that he upped it from 150mg to 225mg.

 

[Airbornemedic82911]

BTW I don't know if this is an "everybody knows everybody" place if so where can I share my experiences in why I come here? Thanks

 

[sun seeker]

if so where can I share my experiences in why I come here?

In the "Introductions" forum. Welcome!

 

[Sideways]

Intros are a great idea, but I don't need any more intro from you to be able to say that absolutely I get that. When I do the derealization thing especially - being removed from the world, which is where all the trauma and emotion and yuck exists, I can totally understand the theory that dissociation can be the brain's way of forcing your head to take a break. Sometimes I get quite upset when it ends, and all the yuck sets back in.

I have DID, and one of my alters is a total earth child who has this immense sense of inner peace. She doesn't come out nearly as often as I'd like, but it's cool to know that she exists in part of my mind:)

 

[Klo]

I go numb for periods of time, but I am also barely functional during those times, too. I don't care about anything. Like getting up or showering.

 

[Stickler]

I get this feeling of dread, unfortunately...though sometimes numb is good.
:hug: Medic.

 

[Cinnamon4z]

One of my therapists in the past used to tell me, dissociating is not a problem when its on your own terms- but we want to try to be mindful.
Sometimes when i get the 'flashback' or whatever can call it, I do feel numb- it is not a comfortable type of feeling, but also almost unsettling. It is a weird - "I am unable to process what is going on. Am i still awake?" type of feeling....

 

[Kintsugi]

I used to dissociate on purpose because of the somewhat euphoric numbness. My understanding is that when we dissociate, opioids are elevated in our brain, like an organic high. After several months of intentionally dissociating for hours daily, flashbacks started becoming the inevitable follow-up, so I stopped, but lately I've been trying to be more self-aware, and I notice in times of conflict, the numbness and non-presence that comes over me is incredibly soothing, like being submerged in a pool--quiet, floaty, unfeeling, detached.

I found this resource on the fly for you--although I'm sure there are better ones--which talks about opioids and dissociation in a pretty easy way: Link Removed

 

[BlueOrange]

My favorite place in the world is right at the center of the disaster, with everything in motion, and myself picking the things that must be done, and getting them done. It's the place that makes the most sense to me. If only I had the unlimited energy required to be able to stay there forever!