Poll Does one partner want sex more than the other (in your relationship)?

[somerandomguy]

I think we can all agree that sexual trauma complicates sex exponentially. For some people, sex is naturally complicated; for other people, sex is naturally easy; but for people who have been through sexual trauma, sex is a f*cking beast.

 

[Mach123]

Yes and CSA and boys and all those articles I posted links for yesterday? Yes, it's a fu*k up totally. It makes being rational difficult lol!

 

[MrMoonlight]

I have never been able to feel completely free and at ease with sex, even with long time girlfriends. Trust and feeling at ease with myself and others has been a problem since I was twelve. It's sad to me that I have never been able to find the one, as if there is "the one". The one doesn't exist imo there are many possibilities it just depends on how much effort and honesty you want or are able to put into people. I mean to say that it won't just happen out of the blue because there is this magical person out there just for you (such a childish thought I bought into for awhile). Sex partners in my life have always instigated. Sex makes me feel a little uptight though many people I have "been with" have been more open. I had sex w/ lots of dancers in their their personal lives, threesoms at a ski resort I lived and worked at, bondage, candles but through it all I never felt a real connection or at peace in my body.

Sorry if I'm off topic, just trying to put my thoughts to paper.
edit: this is probably too much information, I feel crude. I have no business posting here. I haven't been with anyone for a loooong time.

 

[Fadeaway]

No, I was not shocked that your therapist said that, I was shocked that it isnt common for them to say. I was under the impression it was normal. I am glad she said it though. I understand why you feel the way you do.

I feel very misunderstood. Perhaps the fault lies in my communication. It isnt one of my strengths. I am not meaning to come across as saying your feelings are the result because you are seeing things from a mans point of veiw. Your feelings are your feelings. No judgment.

Possible solutions can be overlooked due to seeing things from a mans point of veiw. Is that worded better?

@Hooper desire for a woman is physical, mental and emotional. The physical aspect of desire is what I am specifically refering to. So I do feel it is comparible, but the physical can affect the emotional. It really just depends on the speccific cause.
Please feel free to ask for clarification on anything I said as it seems I worded things terribly and didn't get my point across clearly.

 

[somerandomguy]

@Fadeaway - but why wouldn't you say that desire for a man is physical, mental, and emotional as well, especially in long-term relationships? And if women can't or don't like to turn off the emotional component of sex, why do women have one-night stands and friends-with-benefits relationships just as often as men do?

 

[Fadeaway]

I am feeling like some people are too defensive to hear what I am trying to get across?

Why I didn't say that? Because I am saying is addressed to men so I didn't think it was neccessary to state something that as men you would know how desire is felt for you better than I.

The women I am disscussing are the ones in long term commited relationships. That is an entirely different topic than a woman who want sex equally in the beginning of a relationship but no longer does.

 

[Mach123]

We had a good morning. It's important to say that. I worked around it. She wanted to just beat on me like always and I just kept laughing (gently) and saying "no no that's just abuse." She was smiling by the time she left. It's a real project though. We did have sex yesterday so naturally, I want to have sex again today (that's what it does to me.) I have to tiptoe around her, it is funny though.
I think if you're having sex at all, which we are, you can work it out but someone has to stop the fighting? It's a gigantic effort. It's so hard not to hear things as a personal affront and just let it go and say "you're right but you're just using that as an excuse to beat me up? Things are always negative and positive. We have some good things happening. We do have a lot of trama "residue" in our lives and it's really hard to deal with. One of my daughters with Autism exhibits very combative behavior. I have to work constantly on that also to not let it spiral out of hand. It's endless work? It's worth it though. IDK if there is another way but this is what we have to work with. All you can do is what you can. Everyone is the same way on one front? They like to laugh better than they like to cry? Being happy is possible I don't care what the situation is. "Don Juan" said "You work to be miserable, once you see that, you just put that much effort into being happy." Words to that effect. It worked this morning. : )

 

[somerandomguy]

@Mach123, I apologize if this is too personal of a question, but what do you mean when you say she "beats on you" and "beats you up"? I'm pretty sure you've said there's no physical abuse in your relationship but those words are a little bit alarming with no explanation. Do you mean she verbally beats you up?

 

[Mach123]

No physical abuse. That'd be better sometimes. I'm safe. : )

My daughter used to do some actual physical destruction, I've written on here about that before. No worries though thank you for asking.

 

[ben1982]

Just to clear this up.
I'm not anti trans/gay. I have both trans and gay friends. They are wonderful people who i love and care about. I just believe this subject has become to political to discuss. And it's not helping anybody. It's turning into a shouting match instead of debate. There should be real unbias scientific research on this subject. Real science without the goal of proving a political or ideological point. But in today's political climate within the Western world this is made impossible. Because both sides (left and right) are to emotionally infested in gender politics. And i'm not with either side. I'm not interested in emotional or ideological debate. I'm interested in real unbias scientific research. And the well-being of the people who are affected by this. And my post wasn't even aimed at the trans subject. It was about the male/female experience. Also a subject that's to political these days. And i see trans people just as the latest victims who are being drawn into this war of ideology.

 

[Fadeaway]

Ok, I just wasn't sure, as that is such a hot and emotional topic it seemed lime what you were getting at. I appologise.

I probably subscribe to more emotional and ideological debate, but I am not one for right versis left paradigm. There is too much division and loyalties that prevent people from seeing the other sides point of view.

 

[Ronin]

War war at whine whine and (actually, talking about gender IS being scientific, across this and that discipline) lecture skipped (Google is your friend)

No, we are both too busy figuring out where to live and how to get a remotely decent sleep while doing art commissions we are about as 0 spoons left for sex drives, so matching.