General Does The Disclosure of Suicidal Thoughts Cause Needless Secondary Stress To Others?

[Tinyflame]

Just wondering- for carers and Therapists alike- does a sufferer disclosing suicidal thoughts cause stress to others? That is, in their heart-of-hearts do others wish they were not exposed to that information? Do they regret ever hearing/ knowing about it? Should it be addressed (preferably) only 'anonymously'? Is it 'selfish' on the sufferer's part/ causes secondary and needless stress? Is it "repulsive" knowledge, in a sense? (-please forgive the wording, don't mean it in any way offensively). If anyone has had an experience with this, could you tell me what do others really think/ *prefered someone did/ do?

Because I've heard often how sufferers are afraid of what will happen if they "say" anything, but what about the impact it has on others?

-Thank you.

 

[amethist]

Good question Junebug. Trust of your carer is vital with this.

If my husband had not told me how he felt almost 3 years ago, he would not be here today. He is alive and as well as he can be, despite PTSD.

He was in total melt down a few weeks before Christmas in 2007. I was out shopping when he called me and asked me to come home as soon as possible. I found him, sat on the floor crying, and wanting out of it. This was before we knew it he was suffering from PTSD.

I had to talk him down from ending his life that night. No help from the emergency Doctors, not a cat in hells chance of getting him to A&E, only me to talk to him, and hopefully changing his mind.

This was the first of 4 times in total, but this was the worst. Would I do it all again, of course I would. Not that I would want to, but when push comes to shove, carers will probably do what they can, for their sufferer.

There is still a fear that this could happen again, but as time passes, it seems to lessen. My husband knows to tell me if he has any thought's like this again, as he knows I will be there to help him back from the edge.

It is stressful and extremely scary to have to do this, but when there is no other help available immediately, then for me there is no choice.

Maybe we are an exception to the rule, I don't know.

Amethist

 

[ISupportHer]

I'd rather know. Will I lose sleep?, maybe. It's not like I can't sense something is wrong and for me, it hurts more not being confided in. I do feel that if I know, I can be more vigilant. Of course there is a difference between thoughts and suicidal ideology. It's the pits to get a call that I need to confiscate meds. Not happened for a year thank God.

But, yes, I'd like to be in the loop. My metaphor would be cancer. Ignorance may be bliss but I'd want to know.

Just my 2 cents, as usual, LOL

ISH

 

[Iam]

ISH...what do you mean get a call to confiscate meds? Does your wife's T call you when that happens? Does she know that her T is going to call?

I don't know, that just kind of freaks me out thinking my T might call my husband or my dr. for that matter.

I recently found out when reading chart notes from my first pysch that 9 years ago my psych had given my husband and my husband to our oldest son, instructions as to watch me closely. I had no idea at the time that my dr had talked to my husband about it. I had meds but they would only give me enough for a week for obvious reasons.

I was suicidal a few weeks ago. I didn't tell my husband. I did end up telling my T which made me freak out and hide my meds cause I was afraid he'd call my husband. I had an upcoming physical and was afraid my T was going to tell my dr. too. Almost cancelled the appt.

Can a T call your spouse or dr. without your permission?

 

[ISupportHer]

I have only been called when there was fear of intent. Then safety trumps confidentiality. It was felt she could come home until admission arrangements could be made later that day but yet there had to be some safety things addressed at home for that to happen.

I hear your concern and don't think the TH would call your husband. The exception would be suicidal thoughts AND a stated plan or some evidence to the TH that a person would be a harm to themself or others.

OK, like I'm any expert ;-)

First Iam, I do not think your Th or Psychiatrist would call just to pass on info. Certainly has not happened in my case. Just under the circumstance I described. Out of concern for my wife.

Second, I appreciate that you can say that. Share how you felt a few weeks ago. Thanbk you for that.

I do want to point out that my response is simply directly related to the question that I interpreted as what carers feel. I do have an awareness that the sufferer actually saying something is a whole different issue. That trust is hard and those words do not come easily. I know that that sharing may not come. It's just that I would want to share in those feelings if I could. Not even that I can take them away or fix things. I can't.

ISH

 

[ISupportHer]

Crap, I had a long response and lost it. Will compose it again later.

I just wanted to say to Iam that I do NOT get calls from the TH except under those rarer (thankfully) times when safety is an issue. Suicidal thoughts as opposed to thoughts and a plan or fear of lethality. Hmm, twice in 4 years?

ISH

 

[ISupportHer]

OK, I guess it did post. I was correcting a typo and hit the back button and it posted. Oh well too late now.

ISH

 

[AdamAnt]

Hell yeah I'd wanna know!

 

[Iam]

Thanks ISH..still freaks me out....think I need to talk with my T about that to find out what his criterion would be and if he would let me know at least that he was making the call.

I don't tell my husband when things are really bad cause I don't want to put him thru that any more. He knows when I am struggling, but I figure he doesn't need to know the extent of it.

I feel so bad for you carers having to deal with our issues.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you everyone, for your responses. You (all) sound like an amazing group of people.-

And yes ISH, I should have mentioned in terms of lethality, which I meant, as opposed to a passing thought.

Somewhere it came to me today- the words for once, what my perspective is. I figured it has been 2/3 of my life I've dealt with this ptsd thing. Granted, for many many years I thought it was just "me", and there is a relief in knowing there are more "me's" out there, lol. That is, some very common ptsd-related issues (flashbacks, triggers, dissociation etc) are not just me being 'weird'- they have a name.

When I first realized it wasn't all just "me", I thought to myself "If I put (x) amount of work in I will be (x) amount better- be done with it", only to find that it didn't work out that way; sometimes it's 2 steps forward, only to have 1 or 3 steps back. Like peeling the onion analogy.

The point is, for me, ptsd has complicated my life for 27 years. Granted, there have been good moments, and perhaps even parts of my character that were shaped for the better for it in making me less judgmental, etc, but it is-what-it-is, and I'm going to very likely have it for life, barring a "cure" to be found. Originally, decades ago, I remember thinking I have got to do whatever was possible to prevent suicide so as not to devastate my mom with such a thing. Now, many years later and as an adult I also realize however, that although I might have to live with these ramifications for life, I feel very hesitant to potentially cause ramifications for others, in an attempt to 'save my own neck'. For example, I know they "say" (everywhere) you have to tell someone, but I know that reducing my stress level or even actively seeking out help which I know I need, will impact not only on me financially (which I can live with) but on another as well, and though I know it's 'healthy' and right and seems necessary, and we have to take care of ourselves, I cannot in good conscience impact negatively on anyone else: I may have ptsd for life, but they don't need to have a consequence that lasts potentially all of their life. It's not just about "me", no matter how desirous I am of getting a new life. And the negative aspects could be emotional etc, too, for them (stigma aside, for myself).

On the other hand, I know it's probably a short-term gain for a potentially long term loss, which isn't such a "healthy" choice, either.

I really must say though, I never would have imagined that anyone would "want" to know, that's just inconceivable to me. And yet, oddly enough I would want to know, too.

Thanks everybody, as always, -hugs.

 

[seedling]

I haven't said anything to anybody about my suicide ideation, which does not happen often, but does happen.

Before reading on this site, I never knew there was a difference between ideation and really planning to do it. I thought that if you thought about it you might do it.

I esp hesitate to tell my husband because I know he would think that same way. He would probably be really freaked out (maybe only at first) about what might happen while he was at work, and I don't want to bring that up right now (maybe later on when we both know more?).

So, do sufferers tell their carers about ideation every time it happens? Or just when it's going on to a planning stage. I believe I would tell my husband at that point because I would want help.

 

[Tinyflame]

seedling- I think Amethist pointing out that her husband tells her is a good thing. Like the concept of a "codeword": the time (for a sufferer) to discriminate (and communicate) between what is a really bad day (ideation), and what is really bad (serious intent).