Does this sound like anxiety or mania?

frogthroat

MyPTSD Pro
This is embarrassing for me to write about. I'm in-between my last job and starting my new one and I've been having anxiety issues but tonight I feel like I'm on the verge of having an episode. I've had a couple of these meltdowns in the past couple years.
The first one I had what felt like a panic attack at work. I left. My car was being worked on at the time so I walked. I just walked. I walked frantically through some woods without thinking. I don't know what I was thinking and I fell in a hole. I managed to climb out of the hole but I lost my phone subsequently having to buy a new one. I had to walk back to work and somebody drove me to my apartment because I was so out of it.
The second time I was having a panic attack and I thought maybe a few beers would calm me down. I ended up at a bar. I NEVER go to bars unless there's a reason like a band I want to see and it's with other people. I went by myself. I drove a guy to his house drunk and apparently drove myself home. Yes, I know this was horrible. I don't ever do this and I feel like trash that this happened. Please don't come for me. Although, I've had had problems with alcohol before. I drink at home as I don't like socializing really or putting myself in a vulnerable position around complete strangers.
I'm getting help for PTSD along with major depression and general anxiety.
I don't know how to describe these events. They just happened so fast. I was totally sober at work and when I decided to drink (which was a terrible idea) it was already happening.
Everything felt fast and bright. I couldn't even tell you what I was thinking other than I needed to "go" and I had to "get out." Where did I need to go or leave to? I have no idea. I just needed to leave. It felt urgent.
My primary care doctor thinks I might be bipolar and I've decided to just get a psych assessment when I find a psychiatrist so there's more information for them to go on. Does this sound like more than panic? I feel it coming in a different way. It's hard to describe.
I've tried to educate myself a bit on bipolar but I don't feel the descriptions of mania accurately describe what I'm experiencing. Does anyone have any input? I know I need to see a psychiatrist.
 

lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
Agree with the flight response. This is how they feel. You just need to get away from or out of something that's triggering you. I loose all rational thought and it depends on how bad it was to how long rational thought comes back but when it does its obvious that I had zero rational thought about how I got away from or out of XYZ. It was just the first thing that came to mind and I act in like a split second and just go, go, go until it's no longer a possible threat to me. I have to go until I feel safe enough to stop going. If that makes sense. Totally a PTSD sounding thing and not so much a bipolar sounding thing tho I know little about bipolar, it just sounds so much like a PTSD thing that it's doubtful it's not if you have PTSD. Fight/flight/freeze/fawn, I'm a flight person. I run from everything that feels unsafe or my brain says could possibility harm me and it takes EFFORT and force to not flight what seems like it will harm me. Like facing religion. That's taking a ton of effort and a ton of force and its gotten me all mentally unstable that I have to drink just to stay alive (away from suicide. My brain is skipping right over self harm. I know it's bad and it's not good and it's not healthy but I'd rather drink for a few hours then go find some drugs on the street or go huff keyboard duster or something way worse. Sort of got to take the best choice out of all bad choices cause you can't figure out a healthy way to cope because it's just THAT hard).

Anyway, yes, I agree with those saying PTSD flight response. Also agree with the WRAP thing. We don't call it this but I have a contract thing with my therapist. It was to keep me out of inpatient. It was a suicidal thing. Things I must do before committing to the act of suicide. We've really made it into an ever changing healthy coping strategies and sort of ways that have worked to stabilize me and keep me away from suicide. And yep, have gone through them all many times with this relgious thing and still haven't found one that works. But it's helpful for many reasons. If you have some sort of warning as you wrote, you can go through maybe some of them to restablize those emotions/trigger response that's making you want to flee. It may not work but has worked (if I had any warning at all) for me in that situation and has kept me at least in a safer situation then if I just found the quickest non rational out I could find. Would be worth a discussion with a therapist to see if you two can maybe come up with some ideas that have proven to work in the past to sort of manage triggers in action (if that made any sense).
 

Gatha

New Here
So I used to get these but they were freeze/fawn responses and I would drop on the spot, no matter where I was. It was a fear response and they were triggered on a dime for me until I learned how to manage it. Gotta be honest, it was horrible for my social life. Took me a long time to figure out how to manage. Here are a couple of things I found were helpful.
1. Super sour candies (I used warheads) slammed me back into my body quickly.
2. Coffee. I always had a coffee with me - especially if I knew I was going out and may get triggered up.
3. Always had lorazepam sublingual on my self. Always.

I am not certain if you have a trauma specialist but it may be a good time to get one if you can. This course changed my reality. It is called WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) and is put on by agencies across Canada, USA and UK. It is empowerment based and really helps switch the focus from what wrong with you and how powerless you feel to how to walk into your own empowerment based activities. It is a crisis planning tool as well. Maybe check your local resources to see if there is anything being offered in your area.


It won't last forever - this may well be happening because you are unwinding something. Keep the faith. It won't always be like this. Learn tools. Put time into yourself and creating good solid healthy routines.
I love sour candies.. and now you've legitimised their use as medication. Excellent :)
 
B

Becky1967

This is embarrassing for me to write about. I'm in-between my last job and starting my new one and I've been having anxiety issues but tonight I feel like I'm on the verge of having an episode. I've had a couple of these meltdowns in the past couple years.
Its anxiety...mine is like that sometimes..needing to get up and run....wanting to go home...when ur home...u need to learn good self soothing exercises...watch out for psychiatrist...some are nuttier than we are...lol ..i was seeing one and told him, "Well at least I was locked in a cage" he said the kid in the cage had it better...uncool to take away my goto man...take care sweetie...
 
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