Saffy, I don't think I ever felt lonely during the holidays because I always tried to isolate myself. If there was a way to get out of the holidays, I found it. I have, however, until I realized why, got depressed around two weeks before Christmas. That is when a group of my friends died when I was seven. I carried that guilt for a long time. I still do, though not as intense as it once was.
Maybe it wasn't pity asking you to join them. Maybe they really wanted your company. They could have understood what it felt like to be alone and tried to help. Then did you tell them no, just like your friends did to you. It's an endless circle sometimes. No matter how hard we try not to make it so.
This will be my first Christmas Eve without my mom and outside family. It's going to be very strange, though I am thankful to have my boys.
I will, more then likely, check in on here, so you and other's will not be entirely alone. And that is not out of pity but out of desire for companionship. I enjoy being here.
It is hard getting older. I get lonely at times.
My dad was just talking about this last night. He is in his 60's and said that the horrible thing about getting older, besides realizing that the generation before you is gone, is realizing all his buddies went before him. He misses them, and that included my mom. Kind of gloomy, I know, I just found it interesting that both you and he mentioned similar things.
To all who are lonely out there, and those who are not, great deal of virtual hugs, hand holding, or just sitting beside you from me to you.
