Sufferer Domestic violence survivor

[João]

Hello,

I am a domestic violence survivor and I am going through psychological and psychiatric treatment, currently. I am seeking for people that passed through domestic violence as well, that recovered from it and can share with me how long it may take the recovery from trauma and how may be the process of recovering. I also don't have friends support and barely have family support, so if someone that passed through the same can share with me how they coped with this it would also be useful to have some common story to share about.

Thank you in advance!

Cheers!

 

[Riley Jones]

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through, but I want to commend you for seeking help and reaching out for support. Recovery from trauma, like domestic violence, can be a challenging journey, but remember that healing is possible. Connecting with others who have gone through similar experiences can be incredibly valuable.

On myptsd.com, you can find a welcoming community of individuals who understand what you're going through. Many members have experienced domestic violence and have found strength and support through sharing their stories and insights.

It's important to remember that recovery is a personal process and can look different for everyone. Some factors that can influence the length of recovery include the severity of the trauma, individual coping mechanisms, and access to resources and support. Professional treatment, like the psychological and psychiatric help you're receiving, can also play a crucial role in the healing process.

I encourage you to explore the forums on myptsd.com, where you can engage with others who have walked a similar path. You may find discussions on topics such as domestic violence recovery, coping strategies, and building a support system. Remember, you're not alone, and there are people who understand and are here to support you.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum - hopefully this place can answer some of your questions.

Not a DV survivor, but very familiar with the social isolation fallout of post trauma and recovery. When I started volunteering at a local dog shelter, my social isolation situation really started to turn around. I did need to do a lot of work on me, in order to function socially, but the decision to do that particular gig paid dividends in so many ways.

 

[what's the point]

Hello,

I am a domestic violence survivor and I am going through psychological and psychiatric treatment, currently. I am seeking for people that passed through domestic violence as well, that recovered from it and can share with me how long it may take the recovery from trauma and how may be the process of recovering. I also don't have friends support and barely have family support, so if someone that passed through the same can share with me how they coped with this it would also be useful to have some common story to share about.

Thank you in advance!

Cheers!

Hi there fellow survivor,
Sorry this happened to you, I'm glad you're moving in the right direction now. I heard they say the process takes 5 years statistically not sure how true this is... I can say I'm now free from DA / DV for just under three years. I haven't addressed / discussed this with many either personally or professionally, maybe just a few acquaintances and recently at a psychiatry assessment. It was not a nice situation and quite a high level risk when I eventually fled... There a few ups and downs, relief, anger, sympathy, worry, fear, freedom, better understanding of self, desires and boundaries, regret, guilt not to mention additional difficulties due having kept things quiet. The list goes on, but I've no doubt for you too - nothing you won't be able to take in your stride, the hardest part is over now so as slow as you may crawl or fast as you can walk, you will get there. At this point I've rationalised, questioned myself, accepted and improved on some unhealthy habits like lacking trust in others/ thinking negatively about others intentions/ being frightened to establish new relationships.
Your journey is slightly different to mine though, which in my opinion provides even more hope that you can get back to living your life sooner, and the better.Im hoping to hash some of this out in therapy sessions, for which I've only just begun...

 

[João]

Thank you for your answers. I think that the biggest difficulty for me is to trust in people as I think that most of people are mean or selfish but I also know that there are people out there that are not like that. The reason that I think like that is because none of my friends helped me or supported me when I most needed. My story of DV is quite harsh as it was based in a lot of psychological DV by my father and my mother killed herself because she was also a sufferer of DV and couldn't hang on anymore. I tried my best to help her but it was not easy as we had nowhere to go due to lack of money. I am currently doing a PhD but it is very hard as the people in the research field are very toxic and gaslighting. Also, my PI did gaslighting to me by threatening me and saying a lot of bad things would happen to me just to force me to do therapy. I think that that also impacts a lot my mental health as I don't trust him and my work colleagues as they also harassed me in the work because I was always in a bad mood. I like to do research but I'm tired of the people that are in there so it makes me more difficult to recover. I don't know if in 5 years of treatment I will be completely recovered as I'm unfortunately dependent of these mean people to sustain myself. I currently live alone but fortunately I adopted a dog from a dog shelter and it is my best company and it is because of my dog that I have been recovering so well. Otherwise I don't know if I even would recover at to the point that I am now.

 

[Friday]

When I got divorced I looked up the stats for (a lot of things, but the one I remember best is ) how long it takes someone who leaves DV to NOT just jump right back another abusive relationship.

The answers varied tremendously between
- Sex/Gender
- Married/Dating
- Sexuality
- Age

For MY cohort group (female, married, heteroflexible, 30s) the bell looked like

- Less than 2 years single: Nearly all go right back into an abusive relationship.

- 2 plus years single: 50/50

- 5 plus years single: Nearly all go onto healthy relationships.

CLEARLY, healthy dating (instead of jumping from one abusive relationship to another) is only one very small piece of recovering from DV, and not at all a part of recovering from PTSD.

But it’s the piece I remember, because I decided not to date for 5 years (which drove me crazy, I am a FAR better person inside of a relationship than out, is the conclusion… although at the time I figured I just needed to practice, since I hadn’t really been single since I was 17, for more than a few days, maybe a week)… but was also? Totally. Worth. It. And more than a little alarming how much my perspective changed over those 5 years. I had thought I’d done a pretty durn good job in avoiding most of the DV traps. Nope! Or, rather, yes… BUT… DV is such a complicated and multifaceted thing, I may have avoided 100 traps, and gotten zinged with the other 400 I didn’t even notice.

 

[João]

When I got divorced I looked up the stats for (a lot of things, but the one I remember best is ) how long it takes someone who leaves DV to NOT just jump right back another abusive relationship.

The answers varied tremendously between
- Sex/Gender
- Married/Dating
- Sexuality
- Age

For MY cohort group (female, married, heteroflexible, 30s) the bell looked like


CLEARLY, healthy dating (instead of jumping from one abusive relationship to another) is only one very small piece of recovering from DV, and not at all a part of recovering from PTSD.

But it’s the piece I remember, because I decided not to date for 5 years (which drove me crazy, I am a FAR better person inside of a relationship than out, is the conclusion… although at the time I figured I just needed to practice, since I hadn’t really been single since I was 17, for more than a few days, maybe a week)… but was also? Totally. Worth. It. And more than a little alarming how much my perspective changed over those 5 years. I had thought I’d done a pretty durn good job in avoiding most of the DV traps. Nope! Or, rather, yes… BUT… DV is such a complicated and multifaceted thing, I may have avoided 100 traps, and gotten zinged with the other 400 I didn’t even notice.

In my opinion, to avoid DV you need to know that you have to build a safe relationship with the other person before moving into something serious. And by safe relationship I mean that you have to first know well the person you are interested in, be sure that the other person is interested in you and then create a friendship with that person to begin. After some years (2 years approximately) of knowing each other, you need to know if you value, identify with and respect each other tastes, values and habits, besides having future projects in common. If not, then it means that that person is not the right person to you. It may be a good friendship to maintain but it is not suitable for a relationship because it will end up in conflicts of different points of view and eventually in DV. So, respecting and identifying with each other boundaries, values, objectives and tastes are the main pillars to build a healthy relationship. It may sound frustrating sometimes to find some people that you can identify with, because it is a laborious and hard task, specially if you live in a place with not that much people, but in the end is the best you can do for yourself. I've been single for 15 years with heartbreaks and crushes but got to a point where I realize that learning to live well with yourself is the best thing you can do for you and for the people that surround you.

 

[Evie loves Sam]

Hi.
I’m a survivor / surviving. I’m not sure you can call it that. Decades of abusive relationship. I notice all the small things with people - they say something, a look or an attitude. I try to brush it aside, but having seen red flags now (only by looking back on the abuse) I find it hard to ignore them. I have to consciously force myself to point out the good traits. But I still cry. sending you hugs.

 

[mszl]

Hi, Welcome to the forum.

 

[João]

Hi.
I’m a survivor / surviving. I’m not sure you can call it that. Decades of abusive relationship. I notice all the small things with people - they say something, a look or an attitude. I try to brush it aside, but having seen red flags now (only by looking back on the abuse) I find it hard to ignore them. I have to consciously force myself to point out the good traits. But I still cry. sending you hugs.

Exactly, that's the issue. We are not ignorant and don't like to let always pass the bad intentions or mean behavior of others. That's why ethics is so important and people should learn about it in the school. It should be mandatory for everyone. This world would be much better if everyone cared about being ethical to each other

 

[SquidBaby]

Welcome to the forum. Hope you can find some comfort and empathy here.

 

[Evie loves Sam]

Exactly, that's the issue. We are not ignorant and don't like to let always pass the bad intentions or mean behavior of others. That's why ethics is so important and people should learn about it in the school. It should be mandatory for everyone. This world would be much better if everyone cared about being ethical to each other

No one cares about being ethical. They care about protecting the intuitions. Schools protect the institution. They teach about abuse in what they all a ‘child friendly’ way, but they have a duty to protect all children, including those whose behaviours need correcting. So they close their doors to feedback and change. And the teachers job is to protect the school as an institution, so they teach/ train children and parents to be silenced, rather than improve what they have, even just a little bit.

The institution mindset starts in school, and that institution mindset is carried into every organisation, hierarchy, patriarchy, institution, culture and faith. No one cares nor can anyone change it and if they try to fight it, they’ll get hurt.

We can only become resilient in the face of it. Wishing you resilience and peace.

Do not fight. Do not struggle.

Be mindful and live at arms length from it. And teach your kin to be as resilient to with stand it too.