• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Sufferer New to this with A LOT of trauma - Kidnapping, CSA, Domestic Violence, Stalking

Status
Not open for further replies.

wifey7704

New Here
Evening I am new to this message board thing but thought I would give it a go since I know I need to at least be able to talk to someone who can understand me. Where to start: This is a lot to take in and yes it is all true.

At 8 I was kidnapped which I only remember about two weeks out of nine months missing, around twelve I was raped and had a stepfather who molested me and beat me on a regular. He also abused my mother alot too. I got married at 26 and was doing therapy and on medication and was diagnosed with PTSD, major depression with mood swings anxiety sleep paralysis night terror and panic attacks. My husband ended up having an affair and began to put his hands on me which I left him because of and I ended up in my next long term ten years long relationship with a narcissist who drilled into my head that noone else would love me and that I was a piece of crap. About the last two years of that relationship I had made.plans to leave him and did once which he stalked me threatened me and scared me bad so I went back and remade.plans to leave safely. Before I could he sexually assaulted me and kidney shot me which he was a boxer so it dropped me onto the floor.

It's been right about three months since then and I still have very bad nightmares, PTSD episodes, very paranoid and just.plain scared. He is still stalking me and trying to find me. I try to hide everything from my now adult kids but feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm scared to go out at all but do go to work daily because I know staying inside is also unhealthy for my depression. I have a hard time sleeping and the nightmares and sleep paralysis is so real that I swear sometimes I can feel his breath on my face.

I haven't been able to start therapy in this state because every time I try to cancel the insurance in other state they want proof of move and I made.aure nothing was in my name because of hims talking me. I just.dont know where.to turn to at this point no I'm not suicidal never will be again because I would never put my family through that pain. But I'm depressed anxious paranoid scared tired and feel like I'm crazy. Anyone have any type of ideas on how I can try to cope until I can start therapy again? Or where I can turn? Thanks!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Evening I am new to this message board thing but thought I would give it a go since I know I need to at least be able to talk to someone who can understand me. Where to start: This is a lot to take in and yes it is all true. At 8 I was kidnapped which I only remember about two weeks out of nine months missing, around twelve I was raped and had a stepfather who molested me and beat me on a regular. He also abused my mother alot too. I got married at 26 and was doing therapy and on medication and was diagnosed with PTSD, major depression with mood swings anxiety sleep paralysis night terror and panic attacks. My husband ended up having an affair and began to put his hands on me which I left him because of and I ended up in my next long term ten years long relationship with a narcissist who drilled into my head that noone else would love me and that I was a piece of crap. About the last two years of that relationship I had made.plans to leave him and did once which he stalked me threatened me and scared me bad so I went back and remade.plans to leave safely. Before I could he sexually assaulted me and kidney shot me which he was a boxer so it dropped me onto the floor. It's been right about three months since then and I still have very bad nightmares, PTSD episodes, very paranoid and just.plain scared. He is still stalking me and trying to find me. I try to hide everything from my now adult kids but feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm scared to go out at all but do go to work daily because I know staying inside is also unhealthy for my depression. I have a hard time sleeping and the nightmares and sleep paralysis is so real that I swear sometimes I can feel his breath on my face. I haven't been able to start therapy in this state because every time I try to cancel the insurance in other state they want proof of move and I made.aure nothing was in my name because of hims talking me. I just.dont know where.to turn to at this point no I'm not suicidal never will be again because I would never put my family through that pain. But I'm depressed anxious paranoid scared tired and feel like I'm crazy. Anyone have any type of ideas on how I can try to cope until I can start therapy again? Or where I can turn? Thanks!
I am sorry to hear about everything you have been through, it sounds incredibly difficult and traumatic. It's understandable that you are feeling depressed, anxious, paranoid, and scared. It's important to know that you are not crazy and that what you are experiencing is a normal response to trauma. Coping with PTSD alone can be challenging, but there are things you can try to help manage your symptoms until you can start therapy again.

It's great that you are going to work daily and not isolating yourself, as this is important for your mental health. I would suggest trying to establish a routine for yourself and engaging in self-care practices such as exercise, meditation, or relaxation techniques. It could also be helpful to reach out to family, friends, or a support group to talk about your experiences and feelings. You may find that opening up and sharing your experiences with others who have gone through something similar can be therapeutic and provides validation.

In terms of finding more professional support, you may want to consider reaching out to organizations such as the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) or the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources and referrals to local mental health professionals. Additionally, some therapists offer teletherapy services which could allow you to access therapy from home.

Remember that healing takes time, and it's important to be patient and kind to yourself. Keep reaching out for support and taking steps to manage your symptoms. You can get through this.
 
Thank you so much just seeing that someone listened made me cry. I've been holding everything in for so long now that it feels good to even say it all this way. I try to give myself a routine but after a couple days I forget to do it then remember and try to start all over. It's easy to forget shit when your trying to remind yourself to shower and eat brush your teeth daily because you don't want to do anything at all. I don't want to burden my family and my best friend is probably the only one who knows everything or a lot of it at this point. He made.my.life hell. Made.me.hate relationships and hate sex or companionship or cuddling being touched even. It was years of purposely hurting me for his pleasure and trying to force on me that I caused it only reason it finally ended up in a assault was because I got tired of it and refused to sleep in the same room anymore. So he forced it instead. Sry like I said a long time since I've talked. Anyways thank you so much your words meant the world to me right now.
 
Welcome to the community! 🤠

Quite a few of us here with long & varied trauma histories. Totally normal ‘round these parts.

You & I share the domestic violence & stalking pieces of our past/present. Mine started out with combat, and tacked on a few other things between.

The stalking makes managing PTSD (and life!) crazy difficult, as it’s virtually impossible to live a normal life, whilst also attempting to be half off-grid. The good news bad news there, is that most physical stalkers get bored after about a year (they find someone else to terrorize), and most of the rest after 2 years. But tech-stalking has an open ended limit to date, as it takes so very little effort to cause tremendous damage. Sooner or later the laws may catch up, so it’s not worth their time, but until then? Hang in and hang on!

(And IME, get a company -or 3- so that you can build credit, buy or lease property/vehicles, buy insurance with, etc. It provides much needed normalcy, in world which demands paper trails, yet keeps you a few steps removed from those paper trails.)

Again, welcome!
 
Welcome to the forum!

I’m in a completely different country probably, but crisis support services are often places that can provide practical support in circumstances that make mainstream service providers less available.

If just plain old getting-it-off-your-chest is cathartic? We have the Trauma Diaries section. If you start a thread in the Trauma Diaries (Members) forum, only members will be able to see your content (because yeah, personal experience with online stalking here! *waves hello*!!).
 
Welcome to the community! 🤠

Quite a few of us here with long & varied trauma histories. Totally normal ‘round these parts.

You & I share the domestic violence & stalking pieces of our past/present. Mine started out with combat, and tacked on a few other things between.

The stalking makes managing PTSD (and life!) crazy difficult, as it’s virtually impossible to live a normal life, whilst also attempting to be half off-grid. The good news bad news there, is that most physical stalkers get bored after about a year (they find someone else to terrorize), and most of the rest after 2 years. But tech-stalking has an open ended limit to date, as it takes so very little effort to cause tremendous damage. Sooner or later the laws may catch up, so it’s not worth their time, but until then? Hang in and hang on!

(And IME, get a company -or 3- so that you can build credit, buy or lease property/vehicles, buy insurance with, etc. It provides much needed normalcy, in world which demands paper trails, yet keeps you a few steps removed from those paper trails.)

Again, welcome!
I am hoping he gets bored or finds his next victim because as of now it's me and anyone else that mad him mad, friends family etc. I knew he had a stalker quality from seeing how he was with them when they didn't agree with him which was why I tried to get out and be somewhere he wouldn't find me but then he did what he did my daughter heard it and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I hid the sexual violence I had been dealing with for a couple years without my kids knowing and yes they are adults but they still didn't need to hear their mom being assaulted. With that police were called and he was arrested and I packed our stuff and got out. Now the nightmares are a whole nother level. Like this morning.... I had a rough time sleeping with sleep paralysis and terrors bad kept waking up falling asleep waking up back asleep so of course now I'm dead tired and noticed the ones I don't remember I always wake up with tears running down my cheeks and sad and don't know why. I did see the journals on here too and planned on using that also if nothing else to get it off my chest and even thought about writing a book regarding the dv and SA and the signs of a narcissist to watch out for to also get off my chest. Idk I was starting to feel like I was alone and just posting last night and having replies make me feel less alone already. I know I'm not but it's hard to not feel that way when you are trying to hide the damage done to you from it.
I am now working on trying to build my credit up some so I can buy a small house and property where he won't know where I am to feel a little safer but it will take time to do. Any savings I had he used up and I used the last of it to get.back here when he was arrested. Now I have a little retail job but nothing I can really save with mainly keeps bills paid and where he don't know. I am trying to maintain a daily existence without showing the mental damage done it's just hard to do sometimes. Like this morning I am sitting In my room trying to get my mind settled and wake up some while my kids are in living room thinking I just have a headache. I have to stop the tears from coming first. I wake up with them rolling down my cheeks and it takes time for them to stop for some reason. I've never experienced waking up with tears rolling and not knowing why until now. It's a new symptom I've never had before. Anyways good morning and I hope you had better sleep than me!!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top