Don`t Want To Be Alone, But Can`t Stand Having People Around Me

[Anglesachse]

Hi..............

Don`t realy know where to start or what to write. But here goes..........

Was diagnossed 2 years ago as having PTSD, Depression and Borderline syndrome

Spent nigh on 9 months in a clinic, 1 month of that time under lock and key, after a failed s**c*de attempt after hitting rock bottom and life just generaly turning to sh*t

currently been in counceling since I left the clinic to present, but allthough I now understand why I react as I do, I still find myself fighting on a daily bassis not to lose it..................

I`ll probably write more in my profile.....or as and when here...........

thanks for listening

 

[Srain]

Welcome Anglesachse :)

It sounds like you went through a lot just to get here. I'm glad you found this Forum and I hope you do continue to post. Having been in IP is never easy but finally getting some idea of what is going on with ourselves and having information can be useful, at least I've found it so at times for myself. Take your time and take care of yourself.

peace,
Rain

 

[Zipperhead]

Take a look over at the Combat PTSD Site, there aren't any Boxheads over there yet, but we aren't going to hold that against you.

 

[Ted Moen]

I used to say surrounded by people who would be my friends if only I could let them. Then beginning with one very safe relationship (an infant granddaughter)and a lot of therapeutic support I began learning to let them. Sixteen years later I have a reasonable and satisfying set of friends and acquaintences. Life is good :)

Ted (learning to live a little better with PTSD each day)

 

[Anglesachse]

Ok back at home now after 12 hours at work..........................:sleep:

So if I start at the beginning that should be good.

I was born into an army family in 1971, right up untill 1981 I don`t realy remember my father being at home. but then conflicts weren`t broadcast on TV as they are now.
I know he was in Malaysia, Aden and the Falklands but other then that I don`t now much, we never realy spoke as a family.

I remember allways seeing the same Uncle and Aunt, twice a year at Christmas and during the summer holidays. My fathers sister and her husband. Now I`m not sure if its a good thing or not, but I only realy remember one holiday where I was misstreated at the age of 6 or 7. And I know there were also naked fotos made of me at the time, by my Uncle.

My father allthough present, I remember being drunk. The family would ply him with alcohol and en courage him to do stuff. He was the one who realised I was not happy with what was happening and put an end to it. And I don`t remember him actively taking part. So I have problems dealing with that. Do I hate him or not????? My uncle was the main participant who also made the fotos. I also know that my brother and one sister, as my mother aswell have all seen the fotos, I must also point out that that brother and sister also had a sexual relationship together. But yet all abide to there never anything happening. Only my other sister admits to having an idea as to what was going on. She ran away aged15. and only returned to the family 6 years later.

Now at the time I never realy realised that something was wrong. It has only been within the last 4 years that I have started to remember. I guess I have allways kept the memories well and truly under lock and key. locked away in the deepest darkest part of my mind.