@Applecore , didn't I read somewhere your gf now wants to have children, whereas not before? I think that might be less a ptsd-thing.. Though ptsd could certainly delay wanting to, or complicate matters. Maybe it wasn't you who said it?
Gottman has good advice. He said trust comes from all the small sliding-door moments. And putting yourself aside to meet them. Being attentive, really. And on the same team. And that most problems (~70%?) are perpetual. What's the dream inside of them you might both share?
Best wishes to all.
That was me but it's not so simple. Firstly, there are very many things going on with her and us at once. Secondly I don't use the term PTSD very broadly and often rather use terms such as post-traumatic or complex trauma. According to the strict clinical terminology I don't think we have PTSD; she and I both had traumatic childhoods that effect the rest of our lives, and we both get triggered by each other.
She was and may still be bulimic, which appears to come at least in part from a traumatic childhood relationship with her parents, which still anguishes her in her 40s. I am willing to refer to it as post-traumatic. She's also had multiple massive shocks in recent years, which are traumatizing and would be for anyone. She has sudden mood swings, anxiety, irritability to the point of rage addiction, certain traits of vulnerable narcissism and borderline personality, depression and what are in my opinion cognitive distortions such as pessimistic bias. I don't call that PTSD, but responses to trauma.
She's got a variety of illnesses, is long-term unemployed and won't get a job, lives in my apartment, told me to legally transfer her half of my assets, and that she has changed her mind about marriage - which in my jurisdiction would de facto transfer her half of my assets. Her comments about possibly having changed her mind about having a child were one of her very many complaints about her life and me in passing rather than a definite commitment, and in this context.
Certainly, our traumatic childhoods were what we agreed at the start put us off wanting to have children and seemed to be a lifestyle compatibility of "child-free by choice." I have told you only the bad stuff here, which has risen from 30% to 50% of our relationship. The remainder has been wonderful and very loving.
From my point of view, our relationship seems to be ending principally because my body cannot cope with the stress of her anger and emotional blackmail. No matter how legitimate her complaints about me may be, I just don't have the willingness to carry on trying in an atmosphere of hostility which causes my heart to race and my spine and jaw to seize up. That is a consequence of stress hormones, which are a known killer. I'm listening to my body.
My intrusive thoughts and flashbacks were once much worse than they are today. I used to shout and I used to drink too much and I don't any more. People who behave as if constant complaining and frequent shouting is a legitimate and effective form of communication of their needs are going to learn the hard way that they are wrong.
