Relationship She broke up with me because sex triggered her PTSD

Lumos

MyPTSD Pro
I tried to start dating again, four times (four different people), in the last five years but didn't realize my traumas were still affecting me so badly. I wish I'd waited before trying to date again because it not only hurt me but hurt those other people, too. She definitely needs space and you definitely need to just leave her to it.
 
A week isn't really that long when you're trying to cope with a PTSD flare-up, because you have to take things slowly and be gentle with yourself. It isn't like trying to get over a cold, it can be one step forward and half a dozen back, and its impossible to reach out to people when you feel like that. Even receiving a text, or letter, albeit a supportive one, is just one more thing you can't cope with at that moment.

She needs to put her needs first while she's trying to get through this, I know its hard, but right now, she has enough on her plate to deal with. When, and if, and it is a big if, she's ready, she'll get in touch, but the more you push, the less likely that will be.
 

lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
This might be helpful


Personally I'd give it more time. How much time really depends on so much that there isn't an answer to that.
 

fl14

New Here
This might be helpful


Personally I'd give it more time. How much time really depends on so much that there isn't an answer to that.

Thanks a lot for this. This all makes a lot of sense to me, especially the bit about how "good stressors" can cause someone who is dealing with a PTSD flare-up to overflow. I did end up reaching out last week (3 weeks since our last contact) about how I'd like to continue supporting in whatever form she needs, whether it's the occasional check-in or continuing to give complete space. She didn't answer that message, so obviously the answer is space. The link you posted really helps spell it out for me though, and is giving me a greater sense of calm and overall understanding. Thank you.
 

fl14

New Here
An update to the situation: I reached out two days ago, and she was surprisingly conversational. She mentioned she's moving away in July to the city I moved here from (a place we have mutual love for and at one point planned to visit together). I asked if she'd be comfortable meeting to catch up. She said she would! Now, I don't have any lofty expectations of a physical rekindling, especially when she's moving away in just a few months. I'm just happy I'll get to have her back in my life in some form!

I am considering if I want to bring up how things ended between us and share that, despite how I reacted initially, I'm not afraid of getting hurt if we were to try again in the future, and that I hope she reaches out to me when she feels ready to date again. We went to zero communication so fast that I never really got the chance to say that. No idea what will come of this; she's been flaky in the past and I wouldn't be surprised if we don't end up meeting this weekend altogether, but just having communication back on the table has been really encouraging.

All that being said, I do want to thank this community for helping me find patience and understanding during a difficult time with something I had never experienced before.
 

lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
@fl14, glad to hear she's reached back out and is willing to meet. Everyone is different but I would maybe, for your own mental health, maybe try to keep expectations low. She could get overwhelmed, and it may make her cup overflow again and she may even stand you up or cancel last minute. She may not, but the possibility is there. I hope she meets up for closure, at the very least, on both ends, but hopefully just a friendship and all.

I hope you are able to say what you want to and, at the very least get closure. Or even better, some sort of relationship, even if that's a friendship. Personally though, I would try to let her lead the conversation. Just what I'd do. Of course, do what you feel you should and need to. Your feelings deserve to be heard and said. I am just thinking, letting her lead the conversation could help to keep her from becoming overwhelmed again and could maybe help her keep communication with you and not feel she needs to isolate again. But, you deserve to get closure, or better, a friendship, and your feelings deserve to be heard.

I am glad she reached back out. Progress either way!
 
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