Doubt in my diagnosis

[MamaHopeful]

Hello.
I was misdiagnosed as having OCD and the treatment for this made me way, way, worse.
The person who treated me said that even though all of my intrusive thoughts and images and panic attacks were about my near death trauma, the fact that my brain wouldn't believe I wasn't crazy meant I had OCD.
They said otherwise, someone would say, "You are safe, you aren't crazy," and the brain would just accept it and move on.
So, I found a PTSD specialist and it is going great, but I can't stop this stupid belief that maybe they are correct and I *do* have OCD.
Here are the symptoms:
Unrelenting worry that I am crazy because of derealization
Unable to believe anxiety is "just anxiety" -- this one is the HARDEST for me right now!
Insomnia/Flashbacks
Intrusive memories
Avoidance of certain people or places because I worry they will drug me like my attacker did.

So I guess I am asking: do any of you ever doubt that you have PTSD? Do any of you fear that you're actually going insane? Is the unrelenting fear, nomatter how much reassurance I get, that the trauma is about to happen, an automatic diagnosis of OCD?

Please be kind and gentle. I know I sound insane. I wish I could just accept the diagnosis of PTSD but it's like my brain just keeps getting stuck because of what the OCD doctors said.

I hope this makes sense.

 

[Blueskydiver]

You aren’t alone. I feel that way too. They said I had ocd and bipolar for 17 years. Now with a new assessment they said I never had those things and it’s always been ptsd. I guess it feels like I’m triggershy to believe it because I believed it the first time and what if they’re wrong again? Yes I understand. I don’t have any advice yet but just thought u needed some *hugs*

 

[Pale Mpress Kitty]

This is why it is so so important to get second, third, fourth opinions. I was mis-diagnosed with High functioning Anxiety and as depressive for 6 years by 5 different therapists/psychologists etc. My diagnosis was corrected early 2018, and I'm on my 7th therapist. Lol.

When it comes to the brain, so many similarities in symptoms can be found between any and all mental health issues. Just look at the symptom comparisons between BPD, PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, and OCD. That's why it's a challenge to get any form of diagnosis that actually makes sense, that actually fits you, and therefore treatment that works for you.

Sidenote: From my understanding, you can get OCD tendencies as a result of PTSD (I certainly experience them myself). It's all because your brain says "this is too much, I'm very anxious, so now I'm going to cope by doing X, Y and Z." So i guess what i'm saying here is that it is possible to have OCD as a result of PTSD/Trauma, and that treating the trauma will resolve/help with any OCD actions.

For me, the constant fear took a long time for me in therapy to actually push away. It was purely an indicator that my brain was saying "There's a tiger right there!" and telling my body to panic. Some of my habits/coping mechanisms could absolutely be called OCD (e.g. my need to have a daily schedule down to the hour), but I know that some of them actually helped me get through that fear by giving me more control. I'm still striving to get rid of the negative coping mechanisms that I have, and it's a constant WIP.

 

[Justmehere]

Denial and minimization are maladaptive coping skills. They are pretty common for many with PTSD.

They said otherwise, someone would say, "You are safe, you aren't crazy," and the brain would just accept it and move on.

I really wish it was so simple that someone with active PTSD symptoms and can be told “you are safe” and bam, all symptoms are gone. It’s pretty common to struggle with a sense of feeling safe.

They are both anxiety disorders. I’ve had both OCD and PTSD. Treat the PTSD and the concerns about if you have OCD or not should shake out more clearly.

 

[nomorefear]

OCD can happen as a result of PSTD. It's kind of the brain's way of trying control your world so you don't get hurt again. Have you gone through the PTSD workbook? I think it would be very helpful to you.

 

[MamaHopeful]

OCD can happen as a result of PSTD. It's kind of the brain's way of trying control your world so you don't get hurt again. Have you gone through the PTSD workbook? I think it would be very helpful to you.

Thank you so much for this. Which workbook are you referring to?
My OCD symptoms are: intrusive images/thoughts, and nonstop worry that I am unsafe. Like NONSTOP some days my brain is telling me YOU ARE IN DANGER.
I also doubt everything. Meaning, I have very little trust in people and doubt my own brain.
Thank you again. I cannot say just how helpful this space is.

 

[MamaHopeful]

Denial and minimization are maladaptive coping skills. They are pretty common for many with PTSD.


I really wish it was so simple that someone with active PTSD symptoms and can be told “you are safe” and bam, all symptoms are gone. It’s pretty common to struggle with a sense of feeling safe.

They are both anxiety disorders. I’ve had both OCD and PTSD. Treat the PTSD and the concerns about if you have OCD or not should shake out more clearly.

Thank you so very much.
After I was drugged, I wouldn't go near food or drinks unless I made them myself because I was sure everyone was trying to drug me and leave me for dead. CERTAIN.
So, I see what you mean about treating the trauma to help the OCD because I was only able to begin eating and drinking after starting PTSD therapy.
My concern is that the OCD therapist said otherwise. She said it doesn't matter where the OCD came from, that unless I saw her, I would only get worse. She said to NEVER talk to anyone about my trauma and to instead just ignore the content of the fears or intrusive images themselves. And just say "I see you there, thought. I hope to have more flashbacks just like you!"
Maybe she just really messed with my head...
My new therapist is awesome and I am hopeful again.
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND A THERAPIST THAT ACTUALLY TREATS TRAUMA??? Thanks :)

This is why it is so so important to get second, third, fourth opinions. I was mis-diagnosed with High functioning Anxiety and as depressive for 6 years by 5 different therapists/psychologists etc. My diagnosis was corrected early 2018, and I'm on my 7th therapist. Lol.

When it comes to the brain, so many similarities in symptoms can be found between any and all mental health issues. Just look at the symptom comparisons between BPD, PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, and OCD. That's why it's a challenge to get any form of diagnosis that actually makes sense, that actually fits you, and therefore treatment that works for you.

Sidenote: From my understanding, you can get OCD tendencies as a result of PTSD (I certainly experience them myself). It's all because your brain says "this is too much, I'm very anxious, so now I'm going to cope by doing X, Y and Z." So i guess what i'm saying here is that it is possible to have OCD as a result of PTSD/Trauma, and that treating the trauma will resolve/help with any OCD actions.

For me, the constant fear took a long time for me in therapy to actually push away. It was purely an indicator that my brain was saying "There's a tiger right there!" and telling my body to panic. Some of my habits/coping mechanisms could absolutely be called OCD (e.g. my need to have a daily schedule down to the hour), but I know that some of them actually helped me get through that fear by giving me more control. I'm still striving to get rid of the negative coping mechanisms that I have, and it's a constant WIP.

YES!!!

When my brain is saying NONSTOP "There is a tiger!!!!" I am unclear what to do because of that OCD therapist. She said I'm supposed to say, "Good! It's here! I hope I am being drugged and raped! I hope I am unsafe!" and to lean into it. UGH.

The more I share about this, the better it feels to get it off my chest. Thank you. I think because my PTSD, I have a hard time just letting things go. Like I KNOW she was wrong, but her words got stuck in my brain.

Little by little I suppose.

Thank you again for validating my experience. Sometimes the nonstop worries about my safety are relentless and I feel so alone. I feel like others who say they have PTSD, in my life, are just mildly stressed so I get worried that I'm the worst case ever. Maybe I have GAD too? Who knows.

I am grateful for you and for this space. Thank you so very much.

 

[Justmehere]

My concern is that the OCD therapist said otherwise. She said it doesn't matter where the OCD came from, that unless I saw her, I would only get worse.

I strongly suggest RUNNING from any provider that states they are the only one who can treat a condition. That's a sign of a therapist with some real issues of their own.

She said to NEVER talk to anyone about my trauma and to instead just ignore the content of the fears or intrusive images themselves. And just say "I see you there, thought. I hope to have more flashbacks just like you!"

To never talk about the trauma with anyone? So many red flags.

She said I'm supposed to say, "Good! It's here! I hope I am being drugged and raped! I hope I am unsafe!" and to lean into it. UGH.

This is not standard OCD treatment. That's just REALLY SCREWED UP.

Like I KNOW she was wrong, but her words got stuck in my brain.

Yeah, I've had that happen after running into a crappy therapist. It gets better in time. The words get unstuck. You get to replace them with your own.

 

[blackemerald1]

She said it doesn't matter where the OCD came from, that unless I saw her, I would only get worse. She said to NEVER talk to anyone about my trauma and to instead just ignore the content of the fears or intrusive images themselves. And just say "I see you there, thought. I hope to have more flashbacks just like you!"

What a load of rubbish ^^

Maybe she just really messed with my head...

Absolutely!

I have a hard time just letting things go. Like I KNOW she was wrong, but her words got stuck in my brain.

Ironically - that's part of ptsd too!

Maybe I have GAD too?

Maybe. However treating your ptsd should assist with GAD too. Perhaps eventually further work may be directed straight at this disorder but in the meantime....

 

[MamaHopeful]

I cannot thank you all enough. My husband is leaving for a week's time today and it feels like my brain is on fire. Nonstop the thought is "this will never end. this will never end. this will never end." I try to focus on what people are saying but the terror and thoughts and memories just feel like a lot because I have so many vulnerabilities at the moment. Him leaving, pms, our teen neighbor just died suddenly. I suppose I just need to keep reminding myself that this is PTSD and not OCD, even though the SAME irrational fears just keep circling around NONSTOP.
Seeing my experiences in others on here is very validating and helps my healing tremendously.
I will just have to keep repeating positive mantras - even though the OCD lady told me NEVER to argue or talk back to my fears. When my head says "this will never get better" I will say "I am working so hard. I am making progress."
She told me never to go onto this forum because it's just reassurance seeking. But when I feel hopeless, I'm not sure where else to turn. She said anytime I seek reassurance it makes the worry even bigger.
But when you are convinced you are in danger, it is helpful to have someone place a hand on the back and reassure you that there is no more danger. Right?
Thank you.

 

[blackemerald1]

Look.. I don't know you and all that. But the fact that you are reaching out for anything is a good thing as far as I am concerned. You are questioning everything around your right now and whilst that can be disturbing it will probably settle over time. Keep on hanging onto what your real diagnosis is and resisting the isolating advice you were told by that first person.

I will say "I am working so hard. I am making progress."

Yes.. good way to remind yourself you are moving forward in a good way. I do self talk and it works for me quite well.

She told me never to go onto this forum because it's just reassurance seeking

Right.. well first of all what is wrong with a little bit of reassurance when you need it? Secondly, if you needed reassurance and you were reaching out potentially to her or anywhere else.. why didn't she help you? :rolleyes:

She said anytime I seek reassurance it makes the worry even bigger.

Imho - rubbish. :wtf:

reassure you that there is no more danger. Right?

Yes.. it is good to read and learn about your disorder. It is good to find out how other people deal with life whilst trying to heal and manage. It's good to feel like you are not so dam alone all the time. It's good to be able to throw out an idea and see what other people who are not being paid by you, think about it. It's good to have a laugh with people who will understand. It's good to receive encouragement and acceptance because ptsd is a long, long journey. So it's ALL just good.

:hug:

 

[hithere]

in many ways OCD symptoms resemble PTSD. I'm glad I did the OCD for a few sessions and learned how avoiding what I'm afraid of entrenches the fear deeper and greater. There are many nuances to that, I"m just being simplistic. So learning how the thought processes go with OCD I think helped me when I moved toward the PTSD treatmet. For the most part the OCD symptoms lifted when I started PTSD processing, but the OCD is still there and rears it's ugly head now and then. For example right now I'm in an OCD loop and trying my hardest not to avoid, and pay attention to what my feelings are feeling and my thoughts are thinking.

However, this OCD loop underneath it, what is fueling it is the PTSD "feelings" because it's a triggering situation I'm in right now. I feel like I am in f*cking danger and it is awful feeling and I just want to run to safety. I feel like crying I'm so afraid. I have to repeat to myself it's not my fault what is happening to me right now, and try to understand that my emotions and body thinks I'm "back there" and in current danger. I just wish it would end. Yes, I too often feel so messed up and wonder will it ever end?