Dropped By My T

[NovemberStar]

Nothing happened.
She texted me saying she had a cold and asking me to move the appointment.
She didn't text again.
I didn't either, because that was the umpteenth time.
And many other times she arrived late or she didn't show up.
So I finally got the message.

Reading that, it sounds like (and correct me if I'm wrong) she txt you to ask to move the appointment - you not txting back kinda implies you didn't want to make another appointment? If my T txt me to ask about changing my appointment, it would be up to me to reply.

Not turning up - did you ever talk to her about it? What did she have to say? In therapy sessions, did you like how she worked? Did you 'gel' with her? Like her as a therapist?

Agree with the others - if she was that terrible and was not able to provide you with a reasonable reason, then you have made the decision to not go back to her, and that is probably for the better.

 

[Dissociation]

No, she texted me:"I have a cold, would you mind if we meet another time, when I will be better?"
I said:"No problem".
And then she didn't give me another appointment.

This happened many times. Every time I have waited for her to stay better, or to come back from a journey... At some point, after two-three weeks or more, I have texted her to ask for another appointment. Every time this has been the story. Almost always she has arrived late. Many times she hasn't showed up. Finally I simply got tired.

 

[katiekat]

Try to remember that you really have no idea what is going on in her life to act that way. I've heard trauma therapists can burn out really fast or get their own PTSD from doing their job. Maybe she is suffering through her own personal hell and simply cannot do the right thing right now. I'm not trying to make excuses or take sides, just trying to show you another perspective.

 

[Dissociation]

Yes I know. She told me she had menopause and that was hard for her. That's why I have been so patient. But also other things have happened, at the beginning of the therapy, during it and at the end of it. So it's not just that.

 

[Hashi]

It sounds like you had a very bad situation with this therapist. That can be not only unhelpful, but actually damaging. I'm sorry you've experienced that.

What are your plans now?

Are you taking care of yourself?

 

[bluedressinggown]

This really annoys me! I feel very angry in fact. Her problems shouldnt be your concern- and it just shows how great you are that you have put up with this out of kindness. It sounds really unprofessional. Even if a therapist was going through problems., yes it happens, we're all only human, but I wouldnt expect to hear about it. Just as I wouldn't expect to hear about it from a bank manager, midwife, doctor, or dentist. Regardless of their problems, they are there to serve you. I hope you find someone better who knows what their professional responsibilites are.

 

[bluedressinggown]

All in all, although you may not see it- this therapy doesn't seem benificial to you, her client. Yes it is a relationship- but it should be of benifit to you. I'm a bit confused over what you want out of this. I'm trying to empathise, so I say I feel angry for you at your therapist, but you don't agree that she has been unprofessional- but how could it be anything but? Even if you excuse her reasons- ie- menopause, she has still been late or missed appointments. Regardless of all of that- you haven't made another appointment with her. Do you think you will be able to move forward and find another therapist? I hope so because you deserve proper help. Either way, I'm still angry that therapists behave like this.

 

[bluedressinggown]

it just sounds like a big mess and you shouldn't have to put up with all of it.

 

[Lucycat]

she wasn't so expert as she sells herself

This sounds right to me.
It sounds as if she was desperate to have you for her own purposes - not financial clearly, but maybe so that she can write on her CV that she treats difficult clients with identity issues, or something similar.

My T would never treat me like this. I am 'difficult'. We have had misunderstandings. I have accused him of not caring, but we always get back on track when we are honest. I see every lack of immediate reply as rejection/ abandonment. But now I tell him he has made me feel like that - and then we laugh about it.

Therapy is so much about the relationship with the T. Trust is paramount. I am amazed you have stuck with her so long.

 

[Echo]

@Dissociation - I am really sorry you have had to go through all this. It does sound as if your therapist did express interest in you and promised you certain things, and then has backed out without being honest to you. If she has reasons not to proceed, she should really have made those very evident to you. There doesn't seem to be any commitment from her side, but you are naturally very vested in the relationship. You have gone through a journey with her; she understands you to some degree that is very important to you, and it is hard to confide in people.

The issue may be financial. Maybe she is constantly putting you to one side in favour of someone else paying her. Maybe she needs the money. That would be fine, if she told you that was the case. Being of a similar age to her, I would not accept the menopause as being an excuse for acting unprofessionally. People can have a hard time, but not at all to the extent of treating their clients like this.

I wonder if, instead of thinking what has gone wrong and how to make it better with her, you were to focus instead on what you need now. It may be something she just can't or won't give you. There may well be an advantage to you in seeking out a second opinion on your condition. At the moment you only have what she says. I think I would want to know whether no-one can help me, or whether it is just that she can't or doesn't want to. It is not the same thing at all, but an elderly friend of mine went to see a chiropractor. She like me has had a lifetime of pain in the sacral area, something that largely only improves with the manipulation a chiropractor can provide. This chiropractor had her in for a whole series of sessions and we could not understand what was being offered. Eventually, after rather a lot of money had been spent, the chiropractor admitted that she was scared of manipulating a woman of her age. She had just been playing along in the mistaken belief she was offering some kind of consolation. She wouldn't let go and wouldn't refund the money. My friend felt very betrayed and tricked, to be honest. Why I am saying this, is that I wonder if your therapist doesn't want to let you go but also doesn't quite dare do the work with you that might be necessary. It is leaving you in limbo. Perhaps you could try and find out whether other therapists would take the same view of your condition. Hopefully in the process you would find someone good who can take you forwards.

 

[Hashi]

In five years, how has she helped you? What progress has she helped you to make?